To have expected her to take the kid out when this happened?

[OneAmusedShark]

Best friend came round for lunch today with her (just) 4 year old who my DD and DS absolutely adore.

She’s not toilet trained (nursery age, not yet at school so not judging).

To cut a long story short, she squatted down and started to take a dump in her nappy in our lounge.

It was obvious what was happening as she stunk the place out, and was grunting,
red in the face etc, and my friend asked her “have you finished” on more than one occasion.

Afterwards, my friend took her out to the bathroom to change her.

I didn’t say anything but surely the polite thing to do would have been to
remove the child as soon as it was obvious what was happening? (or even ask her
to take herself to the bathroom if she knows she’s going to fill her nappy!)

The room still stinks! 🤮

The difference is that the poor child should be toilet trained at 4 years old!

She’s not that “little” she’s 4 not 2. Absolutely grim

It’s not good for her dignity either. I can remember being 4 you are definitely sentient and should be toilet trained unless other issues which op says is not the case here.

Disgusting.
Very bad parenting.

Yuck. A 4 year old shouldn't be in nappies unless they have SEN. My 3 boys trained just there 2nd birthday including my autistic/adhd child (obviously not possible for all kids with these needs but). It was really hard work in the short term but worth the effort. A 4 year old is nearly a school age child so shouldn't be in nappies.

Well everyone has been wondering why all the kids are starting school still in nappies. I suppose it's because of parents like this.

I'd expect her to be toilet trained at 4 and if she wasn't, move her to the loo the minute she started showing signs of wanting to go

If the child can't poo on a toilet they can at least be told to go and fill the nappy in the bathroom! Grim.

The kid is 4. Shouldn't even be in a nappy in the daytime!

Everyone is piling on the age but I would never have tried to move a non-potty-trained child who was actively pooing - the chances are they would stop and/or scream the place down D: unfortunately you do sort of have to wait while they do it and then change them.

I don't actually think that the age of the child changes that, even though the scenario I'm thinking of the child is younger.

Good grief. My son was born in the late 70's. If any child back then had effectively squatted down to poo in someone's sitting room at the age of 4, everyone would wonder if they'd been brought up by wolves in the wilderness. Children were generally out of nappies by 2 otherwise schools refused to take them and anyway, parents wouldn't dream of humiliating their kids like that. I feel so sorry for children in this position. Unless there are medical reasons, it's neglect pure and simple.

exactly this.

It’s pretty demeaning for a child of that age. Assuming no SEN, a 4 year old child is at a TOTALLY different developmental stage from a 1 or 2 year old still in nappies. They have more awareness of their environment and a greater understanding of what’s appropriate in different contexts.

It sounds exactly like this is normalised: kid starts to take a dump, squatting, grunting etc and mum just lets her carry on wherever she is, no attempt to take her to the bathroom and use the toilet or go on the potty. Sounds like extremely lazy parenting

I absolutely would have said to my friend that she needs to potty train her child ASAP. No way would I have been able to keep quiet.

I’m in two minds, a lot of kids go glassy eyed and unresponsive when pooing so it was probably too late to tell the child to go the bathroom. And I’d be confused and annoyed if someone picked me up and whisked me away while I was pooing. But I suppose it would have been polite to take her away when it became obvious she was about to poo. I’ve never known anyone to take their baby out the room when they’re pooing though. I know several parents who won’t change their baby/toddler if they poo in the middle of a meal which I think is gross. I guess they are so used to the smell and routines that they forget it’s not normal for the rest of us

Gross, lazy parenting.

Nothing wrong with her pooing in the lounge, but it's 100% wrong that she is still in a nappy. She needs to be toilet trained already - That I would be judging! It's no wonder it stunk because she's 4 and on proper food now.

Surely she’ll have been on proper t since she was about 6 months old.

4 year olds, whether in nappies or not, should not be pooing in lounges.

My ds was clean and dry, potty trained at 21 months.

I agree she should have started toilet training by 4 but this post isn’t about that. Considering she isn’t toilet trained, I don’t think there’s a need to immediately whisk her out of the room when she’s pooing in her nappy in the same way I don’t whisk my 1 year old out of a room when she is pooing, I just change immediately when I notice the nappy is full! Unless encouraging to use the toilet; which rightly or wrongly doesn’t seem to be happening with this child at the moment, taking her away to clean her up and change immediately is good enough for me! But maybe I’m so often covered in the bodily fluid of my own small children, I’m desensitised to the whole thing 🫣

I judge the not being toilet trained but I wouldn’t expect her to pick the child up mid poo as once she started, she’s started

Yes, too old for this sort of thing, and unnecessary if everyone knew what was happening?! What an odd and uncomfortable situation OP 😅

Maybe a bit more fuss about it would encourage the girl to learn to potty train? If it's no hassle and she can carry on playing / chatting with everyone, there's not much incentive.

Well she clearly doesn’t know she needs one before it happens or she would be toilet trained. It’s not great but I wouldn’t be judging my best friend and posting on a public form about it. It’s not as if the child shit on the carpet, an open window will resolve the problem.

Absolutely beyond grim.

I’d wonder why the girl herself doesn’t desire privacy. She’s hardly a baby.

Why not??

Yes, you are.

An infant is one thing; a child who can walk and talk and is nearly in reception should know to shit in private. And the parents should know not to inflict this on others, especially in someone else’s home.