MIL not sleeping over our house being too cold

[lilseb]

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

Put the heating up. You have a small baby. Your MIL is right.

@lilseb it really isn’t that cold yet - for such a thick sleep sack! What are you planning on doing in the winter? My LO is still in a 1tog with baby grow and vest. I will move to thicker sacks as the temperature drop through winter. Our room is normally between 19-21. We have a toddler who also who sleeps perfectly well in his own room at the same temperature. Some questions to consider…

How is your baby sleeping? Are they waking regularly or want to sleep on you for warmth?

If you have moved rooms now at the end of autumn how do you plan on getting through the real cold in winter?

When winter comes how will you keep your baby warm if they already use such a thick sleep sack?

I don’t think you’re harming your baby. I think you’re making your life unnecessary difficult. Maybe because you’re anxious of your baby overheating.

She needs to keep her nose out, your house = your rules. I have noticed the older generation fixate about the heat and seen to want to over dress babies / children. There is no need typically

May be a stupid question but are you using the thermostat as youve said, if it goes below 16c you put it on....sounds like you are doing it manually, how do you know its below 16c?. Houses lose heat no matter how insulated they are.

And having heating on a low constant i.e. 17.5 is cheaper than boosting twice a day. Your house is cooling down and it needs to work harder to get back up to temperature.

Tight arse DH needs to be putting his child above a couple of pounds!!!

My wife kicks off with me if our home is under 20c because of her asthma. Set it to 18c at night.

We go for 18 at night and 20-21 during the day. 16 is definitely too cold imo

Also how do you think people manage in the summer. It gets plenty above 20 degrees and babies don’t start dropping dead.

This seems rather ott - it’s still so mild outside, it isn’t remotely frosty at all.
i don’t personally have central heating, but wasn’t brought up with it either (frost on the inside of bedroom windows and awful storage heaters) - we do, however have great insulation and plenty of blankets and layers - never a problem for DD as a baby, toddler or now

16 degrees overnight is easily warm enough. The weather is positively balmy for the time of year. It's not cold yet.

Your MIL is being ridiculous. If your baby was cold, she would wake and cry, but she's wearing a babygro, vest and a sleep bag. She's fine.
During the day (when not in her sleep bag) 18 degrees would be better but millions of us grew up in much colder houses and are healthy.

As for the house, is the cold bedroom on the north side of the house? Have you checked loft insulation is adequate? Have you checked gutters are clear and not making the walls damp?

What did we do in the 60s, 70s and 80s then in fact for centuries before heating was invented? I remember being a small child on my grandparents farm where I spent my early years, there was no central heating at all and there was ice on the inside of the single glazed windows in the morning. It was absolutely arctic, there was only a coal fire in the living room and that's it. We just bundled up.
I lived in a house with no heating upstairs when I had DS in the 80s. We had an electric heater which was put on when changing his nappy and getting him dressed and again no double glazing. This was rural Bedfordshire. If it snowed I dragged a mattress downstairs into the dining room which did have a radiator and we slept in there.
Many people lived like this in the countryside. 16 degrees would have been luxury. Even when we subsequently moved to London in the late 60s there was no proper heating, single glazed windows and also rats. You just got used to it.
I never have the heating on at night now, I'd never sleep. It would make me ill.

@GettingbysomehowMy Mum grew up like that as my grandparents’ house had no heating. She’s 81 now with Rhuematoid arthritis. She said it was a thoroughly miserable way to live. Why would you willingly inflict that upon a harmless baby when you’ve got central heating?! It’s like saying “when we grew up we had toilets outside so I refuse to use the inside toilet” 🙄

That's true, fair enough. That was a necessity for you during those times. Wasn't good for your health I imagine.

Not the optimum situation though if you have the means, as the OP has?

16c during the day is a low temperature, ok for night time and under blankets and sleeping (that’s what our thermostat is set too overnight) but 16 when out of bed is COLD! I’d be wanting my house minimum 18-19 during the day, after warming it up first thing to 20c, and possibly 19-20 again from about 4pm til bedtime.

As others have said putting heaters in one room is probably more expensive than just having the heating on more and at 18/19c.

Next post from OP will be one wondering why her baby has always got chest infections/coughing.

I haven't even put my heating on yet this year and still gave windows open in most rooms. I thought it was still very mild outside. 🙈

16c is far too cold and not warm enough for a baby. Your house should be a consistent 21c - especially in baby’s bedroom and sitting room.

Your house sounds freezing. 16-18 degrees in the day in cold for a house. 21 is more normal.

16c is cold! Our house is a fairly standard 3 bed semi with good insulation but feels freezing once the thermostat says 17 or lower. In fact we set the thermostat to 16 overnight because it hardly ever gets that cold! We have the heating on twice a day with the thermostat set to 20

I don't understand the question. The title complains that your MIL isn't sleeping over (staying overnight at your house?) because it's too cold? So she refuses to stay over?

To me (I'm in Australia) 16c is freezing! We all have the heaters on at that level. 24c is comfortable.

I'm lolling at all the dangers of overheating. In many countries, 24 degrees is a regular temp in winter, they all survive quite well. Just dress appropriately, use a fan or air/con if available. But even I, who hates the heat would find 16 degrees very low for a cold winters night. We tend to run our air/con on 22 degrees all year round. Unless it's just a naturally perfect day, which happens quite often.

That's too cold. I did a quitck Google and:

"Public Health England (PHE) and the Welsh Government recommend a minimum indoor temperature of 18°C for healthy individuals to avoid health risks. For more vulnerable groups like the very young, old, or sick, the recommended temperature is higher at 20°C... But in bedrooms at night it is recommended between 16−18°".

However "Health organisations, including the NHS and Asthma + Lung UK, suggest: Living room: Aim for around 21°C during the day. Bedroom: A temperature of at least 18°C is recommended, especially for vulnerable individuals. Temperatures below 16°C in the home can increase the risk of respiratory issues, including exacerbating asthma symptoms"

So Mil is right it's too cold particularly during the day for you but especially for your baby and OH - and her if she is elderly. Sounds like OH should not be sleeping in that freezing bedroom either.

Yeah and here in the UK

In Scandinavia they leave babies outside in prams in winter, by design and they are just fine. Do whats comfortable for you. My heating isn't even on yet as its so mild, I also sea swim so don't feel the cold much. All the temperatures quoted here are making me sweat. And who can honestly tell a 2 degree difference between 16C and 18C lol

Your mil is right, your house is too cold

Turn the heating up to 21 all day, boost it to 24 if chilly