MIL not sleeping over our house being too cold

[lilseb]

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

You haven't said you are struggling financially, so just put the heating on higher and for longer. I'm no specialist but maybe give it a try!!

We're going off the Lullaby Trust recommendation for newborn babies in rooms at 16 - 20c. A lot of antenatal classes was focused on dangers of overheating babies in putting them in rooms above this temp (not that I'm especially worried about overheating now)

What are you doing pissing about with all these heaters and fires and getting workmen round to see why your house is cold put the bloody heating on and at a normal temperature like 20. It sound miserable thats not a home.

I followed the NHS temp advice to the letter, as I had very little experience of babies. I could kick myself now, looking back at the tiny baby with a vest, babygrow, thin sheet, thin blanket, thin hat in the middle of winter, while I slept under a duvet, insulated by post partum fat. She must have been cold, which is why she woke up so much.

I say minimum 18 degrees, in a draught-free, well -ventilated room is better

I would freeze in a 16 degree house.

What I was thinking 🤔

BETWEEN!!!!!!!!

Yes, I've mentioned our room is 17c. 16c is our minimum

We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms

So the house doesn't even reach 16c for chunks if the day, if you only put the heating on briefly in the morning and evening?
In that case it definitely isn't safe for your baby.

If it means you have to use electric heaters in summer rooms, it's a false economy. It will cost more to run those heaters than it would to have gas central heating on to a sensible temperature. Your tight husband isn't even getting his strategy right.

The thermostat should be at a minimum of 18c with a young baby, and it should be left to come on and off automatically throughout the daytime.

16 is far too cold. At the very least you need to get it up to 18; 20 would be better.

Turn the heating up !!!

Ok - now I'm seeing what's gone wrong here. Its not up to 16c its minimum!!
Will edit post

You have your house far too cold. It's not good for health, you're risking mould growth at that temperature. No wonder your MIL is worried. It will also be majorly uncomfortable for any visitors. I'd have to sit in my coat at that temperature and would find it thoroughly miserable to be bracing against the chill when I'm indoors and want to relax.

I said for very short bursts now and again.
Most of the time it's between 22 - 24.

You could genuinely all end up with health issues from this.

16 degrees is too cold for anyone especially a baby!

All those saying it’s ok if baby is wrapped up- what about when baby has nappy changes or has a bath (while parents remain fully clothed).

I rarely agree with a MIL but you need to stop the ‘who is right’ debate with her as she’s actually correct.

Just because kids survived years ago in cold homes it doesn’t make it right.

Will you start feeding baby at 3 months? Will you give baby alcohol to help settle at night? If no then you are not living in the1960’s so turn the heating up!

The issue with your room will likely be the position in the home (on the edge or end?) or over a garage/ porch?

But if a room isn’t filled with head then it can’t hold it.

If you refuse to keep baby warm with heat then please put a hat on baby which is ridiculous in the home.

The whole "cold babies cry hot babies die" is IMO way too overstated in a cold country like ours and new mothers/parents become hysterical over it. Your baby will be more comfortable warmer and if your house has uneven heat distribution I would be setting the heating at 20-22 certainly.
You don't want a moldy house.
Have you had the rads flushed? Maybe that's why that room is cold? Or you need a bigger radiator for the room?
I think you are a bit sensitive as a new mum and MIL may have a tendency to run cooler than others but she's not wrong that your house may be too cold to be healthy.

Look into energy grants for new boiler and loft and cav wall insulation - as DH has asthma you will qualify for the "Eco 4" route which doesn't count your household income. It's worth it as will push your EPC up and it's all free
Look on energysavinggenie.co.uk or your local authority website for eco 4 and great British Insulation Scheme

As long as it doesn’t drop below 16, that is fine for a baby. OP is right that that is what the NHS gives as a safe range (16-20). So it’s not true to say 16 is unsafe for babies.
I’d find it uncomfortable certainly during the day. But she’s right on the NHS guidance (provided 16 is the minimum it goes to).

That’s far too cold. If we go under 19 in the winter I feel cold, and I’m a warm person

Mumsnet is funny. I've seen countless threads in the past about how little people heat their homes, competitive hypothermia almost. Yet, here you all are blasting out the heat.
I'm a frozen bugger and like a warm house, 21 degrees plus ish, but the bedroom is about 17. A baby will be fine though at 16, make sure bedding/sleeping bag is the appropriate tog rating and maybe scratch mits if their hands are cold.

Mine was the same, whilst my parents smoked and drank their money away. I didn’t find it character building, I found it miserable!

Never would my home be 16 degrees, far too cold and thermostat set to 20-21 degrees.

I do think it’s too cold OP.

Have you tried a dehumidifier in the cold room? If there's cold moisture in the walls the room will feel significantly colder than other rooms.

Also your mil is right, 16 is too cold.

Gotta say that is hot 🔥

16 degrees is way too cold for most adults, let alone a baby or older people. I would say unhealthily cold. Our house is kept at around 20-21 degrees but this is too cold for my older relatives.

Mine never goes over 19
my H if he had he way would never go over 18
my parents is set at 21 all year round and their house is ridiculously boiling
16 is way way too cold though ???

op is paying for heating an issue

I can't edit my post for some reason but want to clarify

1. it's not up to 16c - that was a mistype , it's from 16c - if it drops below we put it up. But we are between 16 - 18c without heaters which I'm guessing is too low for most anyway
2. MIL is not in the property, she's just hearing about it from husband

Anyway, I'm getting a sense of where people are...