MIL not sleeping over our house being too cold

[lilseb]

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

All this to intermittent heating is silly . You have a young baby so for goodness sake put the heating on properly . 16c is uncomfortable for most people

agree. it’s nuts.

I don't mind having my house on the cold side and wouldn't be particularly uncomfortable at 16-18 degrees. My DC don't seem to notice either. Its definitely too cold for some people though and SIL and DM sit around in coats until I turn the heating up (which i do for their benefit). I also like to make sure the house isn't damp so I make sure I run it fir a while if we've been away to get it up to a decent temp but I also open windows at night for ventilation.

Your MIL is being over dramatic and if she's not living there its none of her business. You will all be fine, no one will perish in a slightly cooler house. In fact it's probably healthier than being in a stuffy over-heated house.

What an absolute misery. Why are you getting a ‘specialist’ in. If you don’t turn the heating on, the house will be cold.

Which it is.

I’m at work now, on a break during a night shift and this post has made me feel so happy again, I am so absolutely delighted that I can afford to have my heating on and not living in a miserable cold house.
Thank God for my job.

You mentioned your room was 17… and that’s too hot for you.
newsflash, it’s not too hot for your baby.

Imo 16 is far far too cold. I would never want to be in a house that cold and would feel genuinely ill. It might be okay overnight when you are all tucked up in bed and I understand you don’t want your baby to get too hot but that kind of temp as a matter of course is way too cold. Our house is between 20-22 during the day. No heating on overnight. Being cold is a miserable way to live.

Just wanted to say we have a cold house and found using a dehumidifier worked wonders. It turned out the humidity in the house was high. We ran a dehumidifier in every room for hours and it made a huge difference.

16 degrees sounds about right to me. I like a cooler house. Winter can be hard for me because so many people crank up the heating and get annoyed when I open a window.

😂

16 is far too cold for me. No number of jumpers and cups of tea would make me comfortable at that temperature. I don’t know how long your MIL is staying but it isn’t unreasonable for her to tell her son that it’s cold in the house.

Baby should sleep in a room that's between 16-20 but I find that the temperature drops a degree or two overnight so I wouldn't start at 16.

Also, not sure where you are but it's been quite mild for winter so far, I would expect it to get a fair bit colder so I would be concerned about how warm you'll be able to keep it then

@KickHimInTheCrotch

Your MIL is being over dramatic and if she's not living there its none of her business. You will all be fine, no one will perish in a slightly cooler house. In fact it's probably healthier than being in a stuffy over-heated house.

No it's not. Advice from Public Health England, NHS and Asthma + Lung UK is that a house as cold as the OP has it isn't healthy at all, but particularly not for her baby, her asthmatic OH or for her MIL if she is elderly. Of course MIL should speak up if she is worried about their health.

16 degrees is too cold in a house.
18 degrees is better but still not that hot.
I have thermometers in the house , some rooms are colder than others.

I have a relative who never put the heating on to save money despite having young children and family telling them to turn it on.
The house was always freezing in the winter, I would make excuses not to visit.

I think you've missed the point OP - the lullaby trust is talking about nighttime temperature not daytime. So the temperature the baby is sleeping in should be 16-20 at night or during naps. When the baby is awake they should be in a room with a comfortable temperature and as a rule for thumb babies need one extra layer to that of an adult or older child. So if you're wearing a t shirt and cardi then baby will need a very, t shirt and cardi. An ideal temperature for a daytime room for a baby is 20° according to WHO and for adults 18-20°.

Try a week at 20.

This OP. Just heat the house.

Our thermostat is on about 19/20C, ocassionally whack up to 21C, in the hall, and so other rooms are slightly warmer. Get cheap thermometers in the main rooms you use. I find the living room pleasant at about 22C. I have a jumper and thick socks on as well and sometimes a blanket, so I'm hardly swanning around in a t-shirt.

This is one of my major frustrations. So many people expect houses to be heated to about 24 degrees and that just seems bonkers to me. We have people refusing to come to the house, my MIL sits in her coat all evening EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE THE HEATING ON and it's still mild outside. We live in a big old house and it doesn't get incredibly warm and it's expensive to heat. Babies are actually far safer sleeping in a slightly chilly room than one which is too hot. So I came on to support OP.

However, we have so much fuss from others when our heating is switched on morning and evening, and whenever we have guests, and is set to 18 degrees (19 when MIL is staying). Because it's mild at the moment, much of the house is actually 19/20 degrees. I can imagine the hysteria if we had it set like the OP. Even to me 16 degrees and heating only on in the morning and evening seems cold. And I can't believe I of all people am saying this. Also, if you're struggling to use rooms because they are cold I would just switch the heating on.

Hi OP.

If you set it to 17 degrees minimum then it will be a bit more comfortable for the baby.

16 degrees in a house is ok if you’re moving about all the time but it’s not nice for a baby who is is more immobile and tends to be lower on the ground (heat rises). 17 at night and 19/20 in the day would be nice and comfortable whilst still wearing appropriate seasonal clothes (eg a jumper rather than a tshirt).

also, stop faffing about with heaters and learn how to use your radiators properly - you are just unnecessarily spending electricity. Very inefficient.

Team MiL here (words that don’t often get said by me). 16C is uncomfortably cold and I’m not at all surprised she is complaining.

16 would be cold for me. You have a huge range 16-20 for baby, wouldn’t hurt to turn it up for guests occasionally as most people feel cold at this temperature.

Mmmmm 24 degrees is toasty. 🩷

16C is the legal minimum for office workers. However if it falls to that most people are sitting there in coats IME. In OP's case just going up to 18 would be much healthier for dc, dh and the house.

You’ll start seeing mould growing on the walls this winter if you don’t turn the heating up. And that is very bad for you and the baby. Husband will have to find economies elsewhere if he’s worried about money

Too too cold. The actual temperature at 16 will be less in the room. Even at 20 sometimes it is cold in a room. Depends on other things what actual room temp. is.