Anyone else in office until 6 with long commute and young kids ? How do you do it ?

[opali]

I just started a new job and stupidly assumed that office hours would be 9-5. They’re not. They’re 9:30-6. 3 times a week.

anyway, I’m sure others have this - what do you do with your kiddies ? Mine are 3 and 5.

my last job was 9-5, but I used to leave at around 4:20 to go and get back in time to pick up my kids from after school club, which finishes at 6.

I didn’t really take a lunch break and caught up on whatever anytime anyway, so it didn’t really make any difference or bother anyone.

the new work place seems super office performatory and of course I don’t want to ask in my first week.

even on my work from home days, I don’t think I can pick up my kids. On my office days I don’t get back home until 7:30 pm.

I have a nanny who helps me of course with drop offs and pick ups, but it’s so expensive and now she’s going to have to stay with them until 7:30 on top of the pick ups and drop offs, 3 times a week.

in my last role, I just asked my manager a couple of weeks in and explained I need to leave a bit early to pick up my kids and his response was that he’s in the same boat, so understands and it’s about the total output and catching up if required.

anyway, has anyone else navigated this ? No one else seems to have kids, so I’m not sure they’ll really get it. They know I have kids and need some flexibility with travel for example as they said they needed a lot of travel and we agreed on a bit less for me.

I think lots of people are in a similar situation when they're working parents.
Although I don't know a single person who had a nanny to help, so you've got it easier than most, tbh

so what do people do ? My husband is self employed and cannot get back until 8:30-9 pm. So having a nanny is the only way.

She just brings them to school usually and picks them up. No other nanny duties. Now she’s going to have to also stay with them. If she didn’t bring them to school or pick them up- how would I get to the office ? How do all these people without any help manage to get their kids to school and work a 9:30-6 pm in an office with a commute? It’s impossible. So I don’t think I have more help than most, TBH. It’s what’s required.

I personally wouldn’t be willing to do this. It’s just not family friendly. I think you need to ask yourself if the job is really worth it.

People pay for someone to collect kids and cook them dinner. Everyone I know who did this used either uni students or retired ladies who were still mobile and able and after spare cash in hand.

When mine were young, I worked condensed shifts 4 days week. We used nursery 3 days a week, and my husband collected from there at 6pm while I worked.
On the 4th day, we had to work around everything, eg I'd do a later shift while husband did an earlier shift, and drop child off at 11am at family or friend, who'd have them until 3 ish, when dh would collect them. One of us would have to do a few hours from home most weeks too.

I'd ask if the company have any family friendly policies to support their staff in place. And I'd ask about flexible working policies as well so you can have a look at your options. Any decent manager will understand what you're juggling unless it's crucial for your particular role. If you could start and finish earlier for example so you're working the same hours or do a split day or work one longer day in the week.

I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t want my kids to be cared for by someone else and I would like to be the person that they spoke to about their day at the school gates etc. I’d be looking for a family friendly job.

I switched to a wfh only role and reduced my hours massively down to 3 days a week. DH upped his hours and picked up more shifts to ensure our income wasn’t affected. Eventually when we had more children I just took a lengthy career break.

I can’t believe it didn’t cross your mind to check the hours to be honest. Especially as you have such young children who need picking up. No way I could work until 6pm. It’s just not doable. All afterschool clubs finish at 6pm, so if you or your DH can’t be there, the nanny has to be. Or can you ask your bosses when you have a one to one or an appraisal if there is an option to do 8.30 till 5pm? But then you may have an issue in the morning.

I think "it's what's required" is the answer here, ie if you can afford to work shorter days or fewer days, then consider that. Or find a cheaper way for them to be collected than using a nanny, eg a more informal arrangement. There's no option at all of your dh shuffling his hours one day a week?
Not totally sure why you're the one having to find a way around it all, when your job has more rigid hours - what are his thoughts/suggestions for how this could be managed?

@Twonewcatsit is an ‘ informal ‘ arrangement. I just said ‘ nanny ‘ but it’s not really that. Just thought I would point that out. No it’s not just me trying to work out what to do, we are both working out how to manage it. But he can’t come home earlier.

People in this situation do usually use a nanny (often a proper one). You've already got the solution. It's just an expensive one (although presumably cheaper than using a properly employed nanny).

8:30 til 5 works better for school hours so many people do that. Childminder or school wrap around around that. It also helps to have other school mum friends who in an absolute emergency can help say if the trains are all cancelled or there is a big delay on the roads (not I had to work late).
It is a massive struggle but it's easier when the kids are all in the same place/school.

I don’t know any one with a nanny, but I also don’t know anyone where both parents work such long hours every day. I have friends whose kids are picked up by grandparents a couple of days a week, or have a sleepover one school night. Loads use after school club until 6, but one parent is usually able to pick up from there.

I worked 12.5 hour night shifts so I could do school drop off and pick ups, and often did weekends so DH would have them then. As your DC are so young, you could probably do with your DH picking up at 6 on 2 of the evenings you are in the office, nanny doing one, if she can, and then you pick up at 6 on the 2 days you work from home. Unless you can arrange early starts on office days, and DH or nanny drop off. It sounds exhausting for all of you.

I had to quit work when my MIL couldn't look after my kids anymore. I've found there always has to be one parent that needs to be able to finish early for the kids unless they have loads of help. But I wouldn't do a job like that with young children unless their dad could do their dinner and bath and put them to bed. 3 nights a week isn't too bad.

Surely your husband being self employed means he can pop out and get the kids/ work around their needs? Because he’s his own boss?

Surely you are employed, with an employment contract until 6, and so can’t be zipping out at 4.20? Even if it was 5, that wouldn’t mean you could assume you could leave at 4.20?

We cut our hours, switched jobs, took pay cuts and only one of us focussed on our career at a time, switching between us over the years.
I currently wfh fully at 50% of the salary than I could get if I went to the office, but i can't find a remote job that will pay be what i am worth, so I am working 2 levels more junior. DH is fully office based atm, but previously I have been fully office based, earning double what i am now but with DH doing part time.
Thats what we did. I hate it for myself but not really any other options tbh but making the best of it. I make the money up by consulting on the side.
We had nursery and childminders but not nannies.
Once they start school it becomes a complete nightmare with holidays too.

Renegotiate your hours. Offer to take a pay cut if necessary.
Nothing is worth that stress. Dcs and your own welfare is crucial. Plus dh I suppose.
Do you share childcare evenly and financially?

You were foolish to assume the arrangement at your old job was normal. It really wasn't.

People either have a nanny (I do) or one person doesn't work such long hours.

When does DH start and why is he so late home? Being able to work around commitments is meant to be one of the perks of being self employed.

Can you ask for flexible working? Going in earlier to finish earlier, leaving early but working an additional hour from home on an evening?

How much are you paying the nanny compared to how much a childminder would be?

It's unrealistic and your dcs need you more

I start early so I can do pick up while my drops off and works later. We still are paying for full wrap around care.
But I negotiated this when I took the job. I had been part time but wanted my new job so agreed to full time.

You both must have very important jobs, for you to assume you can negotiate hours in a brand new job where everyone else finishes at 6 and your partner absolutely not being able to come home early despite being his own boss.
What do you want us to suggest OP ?

Is your DH home in the mornings? Could you ask to do 8.30-5 and he drops them off in the mornings?
Can’t see how you can do it otherwise without paying someone to pick them up and make them dinner 3 days a week.
I wouldn’t have taken a job with those hours in the first place