Anyone else in office until 6 with long commute and young kids ? How do you do it ?

[opali]

I just started a new job and stupidly assumed that office hours would be 9-5. They’re not. They’re 9:30-6. 3 times a week.

anyway, I’m sure others have this - what do you do with your kiddies ? Mine are 3 and 5.

my last job was 9-5, but I used to leave at around 4:20 to go and get back in time to pick up my kids from after school club, which finishes at 6.

I didn’t really take a lunch break and caught up on whatever anytime anyway, so it didn’t really make any difference or bother anyone.

the new work place seems super office performatory and of course I don’t want to ask in my first week.

even on my work from home days, I don’t think I can pick up my kids. On my office days I don’t get back home until 7:30 pm.

I have a nanny who helps me of course with drop offs and pick ups, but it’s so expensive and now she’s going to have to stay with them until 7:30 on top of the pick ups and drop offs, 3 times a week.

in my last role, I just asked my manager a couple of weeks in and explained I need to leave a bit early to pick up my kids and his response was that he’s in the same boat, so understands and it’s about the total output and catching up if required.

anyway, has anyone else navigated this ? No one else seems to have kids, so I’m not sure they’ll really get it. They know I have kids and need some flexibility with travel for example as they said they needed a lot of travel and we agreed on a bit less for me.

Ask if there’s any flexibility. I moved to a 9 - 5.30 job when my kids were younger and my boss let me leave at 4 on days I needed to get them.

Hrft, but my DH when he's well enough or me when he's not available. I have to make the hours up though.

I'd like to employ someone but A I don't really have the money, and B, being an employer scares me a bit.

I wouldn't be doing a long commute for work if I had children even if I could finish earlier. It just eats too much into the day at either end.
I would say this job is not for you and look for something nearer (if possible of course).

When you have small children, there has to be a compromise. Both parents cannot just work as if they are childfree 9-5/6 each day — apart from anything else you do need to see and spend time with your children. Your compromise is a nanny, fair enough. My DH stopped working FT so he can do drop-offs/pickups and we manage on less money. My bro and his wife use grandparents and flex, my sis went PT. You need to discuss the flex options with your employer as they are obliged to consider reasonable requests (such as shorter lunch break for earlier finish time).

I used to work until 5.30 when my kids were smaller, but the commute was two hours, so we also had a nanny. Then she left and my husband stopped working , so I just work all the time.

Why did you assume your hours especially with a long commute and having children? This is ridiculous! Your job doesn't work with your lifestyle, clearly

You might have to look for a new job OP. It sounds incredibly difficult with two young kids. I ended up working part time in a school when my youngest was about 8 years old. That way I could fit in with school times. Could you find a job with less hours?

I would expect to be in the office 9-5, probably with the minimal 20 min lunch break which i think is required when you work 6hrs or over? Id then offer to make up the extra time on WFH days. I wouldnt ask to leave before 5pm, unless everyone is working flexibly but 6pm is late. I wouldnt be happy!

Agree with this.

Often one parent will do the morning drop off and the other will pick up.
Neither parent being home til bedtime isn't really doable unless you can afford a nanny or you have supportive available grandparents but even then isn't ideal, sorry it's sounds really stressful, especially with all the travel time

People need to think long and hard about working hours and commutes especially if they've got kids. These kids haven't got much in the way of parents in this situation with a mum who isn't home til 7.30 and a workaholic dad who is never there. What was the point of having the kids! I bet their friends dads don't get home at 9.30pm! Workaholic dads are not fun to grow up with and don't tend to live long or healthy lives! You both need to make drastic changes because you are barely in a relationship right now, let alone making time to be parents.

My DP is a SAHD (precisely to avoid ‘long hours’ amongst over things). Our reception aged child often asks why he can’t go to after school club because all his friends do. So don’t be so quick to project, I’d say.

Afterschool club is fine. Being picked up by a nanny and having two parents home so late is completely different. It’s difficult for everyone involved.

I changed jobs until I found a role with a manager who has kids and totally gets it. I have complete flexibility around the WFH policy and collect my child whenever I have to. The other side to this is that I put my hand up for everything. I will take on work other staff don’t want or refuse to complete. I am also very experienced and good at my job so have colleagues requesting I am put on their matters so my flexible work arrangement does not impact performance. I will also work in the evenings when my child is in bed and on weekends if necessary. It’s hard but I feel I need to be highly valued to maintain my flexibility.

That must be so hard. I get you’re a great worker but it’s so hard for women in particular isn’t it.

I’d pack the job in, it’s just not right for your children as by the time you get home it’s bed time. The cost of the nanny would surely cancel out any wages you earn? Could you just do 2 days a week and look into getting Universal Credit top ups? Lots of working parents do. It’s just not fair in the children that neither of you will be there and what if the nanny needs a day off etc or goes sick? You are also assuming she will want to work to 730 each evening which means doing meals for them all and maybe missing out on her own family. It sounds impossible and grim for all of you. What if your train is late back? So many potential problems, for me it just wouldn’t work .

But that's the point right? Self-employed could mean anything! The assumption here is that he can choose his hours when that's completely dependent on his field.

So my comment stands - life must be very simple for some if they think in such narrow terms.

But it is very telling that the OP has ignored the questions about her husband and what he can support with.

It's very hard. I need to be out the office at 4:30 to get my train home in time to pick up my little children from their childminder. That was fine in old job but I've just started a new one, it's tricky. Fortunately I only really need to stay late once or twice so I arrange to have a friend / their father manage those pick ups.

Work part time. There was no other way I can do it.

mu observations from the school were where both parents worked full time, they both tended to juggle a bit of after school and they both both equally share the load of picking ups and drop offs. Or you end up in the situation like the OP where the child is essentially cared for by Nannie’s all week and parents basically saw them at weekends.

or you have my situation where my DH worked 13 hours days. Left before school run to a job over an hour away and home 7-8pm. There was just no way he could help despite the fact he would have loved to. But ultimately there wasn’t any flexibility in his role to be leaving early regularly. Now that was before covid so there is a bit more flexibility now but not enough. So I worked 3-4 days at various times which I worked around the school days and their changing after school activities . No other way to make it work.

Husband started early, I did morning school/nursery runs and got to work by 9am, husband finished in time to pick up from after school club or nursery by 6pm, I got home between 6:30 and 7:30. No nanny just organisation.

Not easier than most, just different. Others will pay a childminder, kids will go to after school club or stay longer at nursery. All cost money.

I work x2 13 hour shifts one week and x3 13 hour shifts the next. (works out to be 30 hours) If I was full time it would be x3 each week and a 6 hour make up shift each month. I’m a nurse so can’t wfh and don’t always get finished on time.

This is why I work part time. My husband works flexibly on the days I’m at work and longer days on the days I’m off work. Sometimes resumes work when our daughter has gone to bed.

We don’t have a nanny, my sister can sometimes do the school run, my mam a couple of times per month can pick our daughter up from school and give her her tea 1 evening.

Im not sure what your expecting, logically the days your at the office your husband who is self employed could arrange his work to finish earlier. You or your husband could reduce work hours also.

I could have a better paid job but shift work works for us as I work some weekends too and my husband is off weekends. My husband could have a better paid job but the flexibility is what suits our family.

People do one of the below options:

1. One parent doesn't work long hours and is able to pick up the kid/s
2. A friend/family member does it instead
3. A paid for nanny/childminder/other does it
4. They find another job with shorter hours

That is it, those are your options.

Well if your husband is self employed then he has more flexibility potential than you do. How have you not checked what the hours are. 🫣

Yes that’s telling. It’s telling that she does not want to out herself or her husband 🤷‍♀️