Anyone else in office until 6 with long commute and young kids ? How do you do it ?

[opali]

I just started a new job and stupidly assumed that office hours would be 9-5. They’re not. They’re 9:30-6. 3 times a week.

anyway, I’m sure others have this - what do you do with your kiddies ? Mine are 3 and 5.

my last job was 9-5, but I used to leave at around 4:20 to go and get back in time to pick up my kids from after school club, which finishes at 6.

I didn’t really take a lunch break and caught up on whatever anytime anyway, so it didn’t really make any difference or bother anyone.

the new work place seems super office performatory and of course I don’t want to ask in my first week.

even on my work from home days, I don’t think I can pick up my kids. On my office days I don’t get back home until 7:30 pm.

I have a nanny who helps me of course with drop offs and pick ups, but it’s so expensive and now she’s going to have to stay with them until 7:30 on top of the pick ups and drop offs, 3 times a week.

in my last role, I just asked my manager a couple of weeks in and explained I need to leave a bit early to pick up my kids and his response was that he’s in the same boat, so understands and it’s about the total output and catching up if required.

anyway, has anyone else navigated this ? No one else seems to have kids, so I’m not sure they’ll really get it. They know I have kids and need some flexibility with travel for example as they said they needed a lot of travel and we agreed on a bit less for me.

I think your husband needs to step up. He’s self employed and therefore able to be more flexible than you who has a fixed contract of hours. Instead of asking your work, ask your husband how he is going to be more family friendly flexible.

I would honestly be looking for a new job. We also have a nanny who does pick ups. I get home at 4:20. I heavily skew my schedule so I can be home so we just have a nanny a couple hours after school. It’s what my parents did. Dad was out of the house by 6, mum waited till school drop off but then not home till 6.

The UK still seems weirdly rigid with office hours though. My old job expected 9-6 too which was fucking terrible until we managed to convince the management to allow flexibility to 8-5. Which was still weirdly rigid compared to all my office jobs in the US. Unless you’re answering the phone during certain hours, just get your work done!!

Noting that all my friends either stagger schedules or have one parent who is flexible. The only ones I know who both regularly work super long hours have a live in nanny. It is 100% not the wives who are doing the flexing either.

People have a nanny, or family help, and children go back to friends houses, although yours are a bit young for this. I know people that had au pairs for this reason.

as someone with an office job, and a 2 and 6m old (now on mat leave) I cannot remotely comprehend moving jobs and only thinking about this issue once you’ve started the job?!?

That's really sad for your kids to be honest, they'll never see either of ye

What on earth does your DH do for work? So he’s not able to be around for drop off and he’s not getting home until 9pm?

I find it odd that you’d take on a new job knowing about all your childcare responsibilities and not think to check that the hours suit your family life tbh. I’m currently looking for a new job and it’s literally the number 1 thing on the list of what we need from my employment.

Your kids are really young and it sounds like they barely see either of you!

1,5 hrs is a long commute regardless of the hours, Even if i9-5, it doesn’t sound like you’d make it so I’d start looking for something more local and check hours too.

Can your Dh do drop offs so you can start early? For example I’d do 7-4 and my Dh would handle drop offs then finish later . Otherwise your current arrangement sounds like the best option.

What time does your husband start work? Can he drop off in the mornings 3 days a week and you do the 2 non office days (if I've read that correctly).

Nanny does afterschool.

Alternatively work compressed starting at 7am so you have a day off a week

I haven't worked a job that starts at 9am in over 10 years, never mind 9:30. I prefer starting at 7am myself (or earlier)

DW does this 3 days a week. I cover 2 of the days and we have a nanny who does 1. DW then has 2 WFH days where she does the earlier pickups when i am late. Its a mission when the kids are little!

I’m truly baffled as to how you didn’t ask more questions and gauge the culture of your new workplace before you started. Your last job sounds incredibly lax - letting you pop off at 4.20 and making up the time later. Surely you realised this was unusual - and a perk? Most offices want you to actually work the whole office day! It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, I’m just amazed that you didn’t make it a priority to nail down how the new office worked and what they expected of you before you took the job. And if a new employee waited two weeks then asked if they could pop off a couple of hours early every day to pick up their kids, I wouldn’t be too impressed as a boss!

Unfortunately you will just have to pay for “nanny” to take your children after school. Unless you have other family support ? I can’t see any other way round it unless either you/husband leaves their job. What did you think would happen?

I'd say that unfortunately between the standard working hours, need to travel and your view on the office culture already, this job isn't compatible with your home life.......

I wouldn't have taken the job without knowing the hours or specifying to them when I had to leave. DH is a civil servant and I'm a lawyer. DH has stood up in meetings with ministers and left at 5pm to pick DDs up. We shared pick ups so the other parent could work a bit later if they needed to.

Not necessarily, where I work you do seven hours but the core hours are between ten and four. I often do 8 until 4.

Another one questioning your DH’s hours - is it a can’t or a won’t?

And you should’ve looked into this sooner, sorry. I am currently looking for more work around my children and the very first things I look at are location (commute) and hours.

I am in the office until 5.30 with at least an hours commute home, I’m usually not home until 7pm. I also leave in the morning at 7.30am before wraparound open.

DD’s dad does those days. We currently live together but are mid divorce. My office days will be his days going forward, my WFH days will be my days (50/50 custody).

I couldn’t do this and I’m a senior manager in a demanding profession - I demanded a work life balance because I knew I was good at my job. I’d ask for another day at home or earlier finishes

or both , if they can’t accommodate- start a job hunt

Most people wouldn’t take a job without confirming the hours beforehand! Obviously a 9:30 - 6:00 job with an hour and a half commute isn’t suitable for somebody who has young kids if they want to do pick up/ drop off or have any time with them in the evenings. Most people don’t just assume the hours of a new job, they ask about the hours and flexible working policy etc as part of the job hunt process or at interview.

It's so hard OP. I really sympathise but I do think this just shows how important it is to discuss/negotiate hours and working arrangements before accepting. I think you'll have to talk to your manager and see if you can get a bit more flexibility.
Are you a single mum? If you've got a partner can DP step up?

You ask what people do: my kids go into breakfast and after school club if needed, I took a job that wasn't a long commute, also how do you start a new job and not know what the hours are?

Well yes it is impossible to be in 2 places at once. Your last job was working for you. If you wanted to change roles then that's fine but you should have made sure the hours worked. You have chosen a role with a long commute knowing your DH works late as well and then didn't check the hours before you accepted the job. Sorry but you have made silly decisions. It's impossible what you are trying to do unless the new job befores more flexible or you pay for childcare.

neither can you tho

Why can your self employed husband not give himself flexibility on the days he is needed?

I took part time work at primary then a local job that finished at five at secondary. I'd have made no money with the childcare costs otherwise. It did end my prospects of a career pretty much though. I'd try asking if you shorten your hours maybe? Just say it's not working well.

I do two days a week in the office, 9-5.30. It takes me 45m-1h to get home depending on the buses.
DH starts work early and picks DC up at 4.30 from after school clubs, he sometimes logs in for another hour after work.

If I ever need to leave work early I just log in half an hour early or take a shorter lunch break, in your shoes I would ask if I could start at 9. Is there any reason you finish so late - we have calls to the US a few times a month so they never start earlier than 4pm UK time.