Anyone else in office until 6 with long commute and young kids ? How do you do it ?

[opali]

I just started a new job and stupidly assumed that office hours would be 9-5. They’re not. They’re 9:30-6. 3 times a week.

anyway, I’m sure others have this - what do you do with your kiddies ? Mine are 3 and 5.

my last job was 9-5, but I used to leave at around 4:20 to go and get back in time to pick up my kids from after school club, which finishes at 6.

I didn’t really take a lunch break and caught up on whatever anytime anyway, so it didn’t really make any difference or bother anyone.

the new work place seems super office performatory and of course I don’t want to ask in my first week.

even on my work from home days, I don’t think I can pick up my kids. On my office days I don’t get back home until 7:30 pm.

I have a nanny who helps me of course with drop offs and pick ups, but it’s so expensive and now she’s going to have to stay with them until 7:30 on top of the pick ups and drop offs, 3 times a week.

in my last role, I just asked my manager a couple of weeks in and explained I need to leave a bit early to pick up my kids and his response was that he’s in the same boat, so understands and it’s about the total output and catching up if required.

anyway, has anyone else navigated this ? No one else seems to have kids, so I’m not sure they’ll really get it. They know I have kids and need some flexibility with travel for example as they said they needed a lot of travel and we agreed on a bit less for me.

@opali ARE YOU GOING TO REPLY TO ANY OF THE SUGGESTIONS OR QUESTIONS RE YOUR DH??

Can you start work earlier? Where I work I have 3 days with a 1 hr commute each way, I work 8.30-4.30 so I pick up at 5.40 usually. Everyone else does 9-5 but I agreed these hours with my manager before starting.

That's the situation for most people I know, only on MN do people work 9 to 5 and need 2 adults for bad and bedtime.

In real life, between shifts, commuting and normal office hours it's the reality for most people.

Ideally, making arrangements so it's not 5 days a week. For the remaining days:

Nurseries are never opened that late, so childminders, nannies or au-pair.
If you commute, it's also the only way as trains are never on time. Childminders are a life saver.

or one parent take a big step down and works locally or part-time. How do people think parents do it?

When I got my job contract, I asked to amend my hours to do 8 -4.30 rather than the standard ones of 9 to 5.45. I squeezed my lunch break down and started earlier. (Not that I ever really take even that 45 mins for lunch).
I could not have accepted the job without the adaption.

Because the more mothers who do what you’re doing, compromising/looking for flexibility of your own career/life, with not even a suggestion that the children’s father compromise his, the more companies will make an assumption that if they employ a child bearing age women, it is their company that will have to be flexible and not the company who is employing the man.

my assumption from your lack of response to why can’t the father actually parent, is that he must earn a fortune to warrant this only being your compromise. But then the worrying about nanny costs don’t add up.

his job is completely incompatible with having children, it ifs not bringing in mega bucks, then it’s a luxury that needs to go.

A nanny is often just a name for an unregistered childminder, so is cheaper. I guess you are thinking of the older term, a person who lived in the house
full time with them and the kids.

Op keep your nanny. It will be invaluable in school holidays. Its so much easier to focus on work when you know the kids are ok

Do they have flexible working policies ? Are you US based ?

Maybe consider going back to your previous job. It seemed to suit you better.

We are in a similar situation. I have to drive about an hour to and from work. Husband and I work opposite one another. Kids are 7 and 2. Worked out fine so far but all depends on the job partner does. My husband as the option for weekends and nights.

It’s not cheaper than a childminder even if they are unskilled. They only have your child/children, and you are employing them so have to pay at least the minimum wage plus employer NI and pension if they earn enough. And probably pay someone to do the payroll.

Cash in hand would be silly if you are relying on the arrangement to be able to work.

In any case many people taking about nannies do mean proper trained nannies (even if the OP might not). They don’t need to live in.

I cannot believe you seriously didn’t ask this at your interview!.
Especially since you have kids.
I was always full of questions, regarding my kids.
You need to know these things in advance.

I feel for you but you do seem naive. Even in the public sector there will be different requirements from different locations/managers. I cannot imagine taking a job without making sure rather than presuming. You already were caught out on the assumption of the working day. You keep saying about flexibility for parents but are other employees allowed (in your opinion) the same? You have already been allowed the flexibility of less travel, I think other team members might be cheesed off if you are then able to change the work day, unless they can too .
You stated it was not your choice to leave your previous job. Is there a possibility that leaving 40 minutes early on a daily basis contributed to you no longer being required?

Err, well people take this into account before accepting a new job??

Mine is still in nursery, so pick up is 6pm at the absolute latest. When I returned from maternity leave I discussed working hours and patterns with my line manager to make sure I could leave in time for pickup.

Our out of school club runs from 8-9am and from 3.30-6pm, so that accomodates most working parents who do 9-5.30. If parents need something different to that, then of course they have to find somebody and pay them for it.

Ultimately it is up to you to take a job that you can do around your parenting responsibilities though, so you should have queried the hours, or said that you would need to leave earlier than 6 every day if you took the role , however you may not have got the job then.

The employer needs what it needs, so if it needs you there til 6pm, and that was the job description, then that is what they want for that role.

Sorry but this is just not realistic for some people - family friendly jobs are very hard to come by. You’ve got to earn and don’t always have a choice but have someone else collect your kids.

I always shared child drop off/collection duties with my husband.

If both partners want children, they should both share in the childcare.

I'm a lone parent and had to ensure my job finished at 5 so I could pick my kids up from nursery / after school club. No family, ex and funnily enough tax credits didn't stretch to employing a nanny.

Genuinely can’t believe how much criticism you’re getting OP from people who don’t seem bothered about earning money. You’re in a tough situation. I think you can talk to your new employer about flexibility, or will just have to extend your nanny more. Have you tried Koru kids? Total sympathy with your situation.

I don’t understand why you didn’t discuss working hours before signing your work contract. Frankly, you were stupid not to, because you should never sign something without knowing what you’re signing.

But as you’re in this situation now, you need to determine a few facts: for many hours is your work contract? How many days are you supposed to work? That will tell you the minimum number of hours care you will need. Then make an appointment with your boss and start asking the questions that you should have asked BEFORE signing your contract: what are the hours that everyone has to be in the office? Can people start/ leave earlier /later? Does all work have to be done at the office or is WFH allowed? If yes, how much?
fwiw- you can’t expect to do what you did at your old job, aa that sounds like you were slicing a few hours off each day.

We discussed the travel thing and that I need flexibility, but not in great detail.

my plan was to get in - wow them, work really hard and then ask if it’s possible to amend my hours to an earlier start and no / shorter working lunch break. Also with the view that, as I am responsible for European markets, I would work according to their time. This is normal and what usually happens. They’ve not had anyone specifically working only in that market before. So it’s a double consideration, that just makes sense.

like I said, job market was tough so I didn’t want to go in with all the demands from the outset. But we did loosely discuss less travel and also flexibility that I would need and they understood that I have two young kids.

secondly, to the lovely poster who assumed I was fired cos I left early in my last job - no. They made the entire department redundant. Like I said, my VP ( who was not made redundant ) also always left at the same time as me to get his kids. It’s not that unusual.

like I said, PTO or not working after hours doesn’t exist in my industry. People work all hours, from anywhere. So I’ve never come across an employer who was very particular about office hours.
anyway, I’m bowing out now. This thread has become pretty brutal and I’m not willing to give any more information about my personal situation and my husbands work. It’s complicated and private.

i made the thread to understand how common it is for people with children to work these hours, as I wasn’t sure if it’s just normal. I wanted to understand how parents manage it logistically, perhaps also how the kids cope with it all. I wasn’t looking to be ridiculed, called entitled or made responsible for other women’s situations at work etc.

I have had a really tough week and really just trying o do the best for my family here and provide for them in the best way I can in a difficult situation, that’s all. Thanks anyway to everyone who replied in a kind way.

I work from the office twice a week, 2 hour commute each way.
I drop kids to breakfast club at 8am,get 8.20am train and I work flexibly, so start at 10.30am. I get 6.30pm train back. My mum picks them up from school these two days and I walk through the door at 8.30pm, just to say goodnight.

Other days I WFH and they go to an after school club.

I'm a single parent but couldn't manage if work wasn't flexible/my mum.

When I was still employed (I’m self employed now because it didn’t work out that well) we sorted it so that my husband always did morning drop off and I was in the office by 7.30 and left at 4.45. This was pre agreed before I returned from mat leave though. You should have discussed this at the point of accepting the offer.

Always amazed at responses like this. Life must be so simple for them.

Could you drop them off in a morning at all a bit earlier so you dont need the nanny in the morning