To think a 22 year old dating a 16 year old is dodgy?

[Corall]

It was a family member. They are married now. It was the 16 year olds first relationship, she had only just turned 16, doing her GCSEs.
I find it off putting, makes me think badly of the man. He’s always been controlling.
But others think it was fine. AIBU to want to avoid him?

Probably, buy i had a 24yo BF when I was 15. He never tried anything and it fizzled out. No idea why he wanted to get involved or what he got out of it.

Not it’s not fine, she’s a child. When was this? If it was before 2022 the parents would have need to consent for her to be married.

It's a bit noncey yeah.

It was quite a few years ago, definitely before 2022. They waited a few years to get married - were both in their 20s by then. I feel sad for her, I guess she must have realised by now she was probably taken advantage of

She didn’t have contact with he dad so maybe that influenced it

I had a 23 year old boyfriend at 16. I was absolutely inappropriate and he did abuse me.
I only realised how much so when older and wiser.

Vile

meh, I was 17 and DH was 21 when we met. We have been together for 38 years

The last few years I have been thinking about it when I see them. The male in the relationship is my brother :(

School friend of mine met her husband when she was 16 and he was 20, they got married 2 years later. We're now in our 50s and they are still married and have 4 children. We all thought it was perfectly fine and, to be fair, her DH is one of the loveliest men I've ever met, a really decent bloke. Of course back in the 80s the age gap wasn't worthy of comment.

Has she told you this or have you just decided that because you think that the relationship is inappropriate? You should probably mind your own business

I was the 16 year old in this situation, over 3 years ago. He didn’t groom me, everything was consensual and moved at a much slower pace than might have happened if I had been older.

On reflection, he had an immature relationship history, mine was perhaps rather precocious. We were together many years, although we split up after I graduated. I think of him fondly.

However, I know DS finds this “noncy”. I think things have changed.

6 year gap, is a bit more than 4 though? It’s just useful to hear others views - I can’t talk about it to anyone irl

No I haven’t discussed it with them

I was 16, husband 29. Married 22 years.

When I was in school, many years ago, this was not unusual. I dated several lads of a similar age when I was in 5th year/6th form. I think this seems less usual nowadays than it used to be.

This i think at that age its a big gap. Men in there 20s shouldn't be hanging around school girls

I was 17 when me and DH, then 23 got together. It was noticeable enough that all his mates took the piss and his parents and my dad were worried, I know. But most of them weren't worried when they'd seen us together a few times. We met because we both rented rooms in a student house so similar life stages, lifestyles. It wasn't 'noncy ' because he wasn't predatory but there was a perception that it was and it worried him too at first.
I don't think anyone could look at us after a few years though and think that he's too old for me! Shoes firmly on the other foot.

Maybe you are one of my SILs, OP?

I was 17 and my husband 24 when we met. We’re now 22 years together….its very dependent on the person in my opinion.

19 and he was 27…been together 25 years. It was absolutely fine…

19 isn't a school girl big difference

lol! When I first went round to DH's student house, his mate shouted "DH, there are some kids at the door for you" 😄

Same here, now been together 20 years, married for 15.

My snap judgement is that is weird and wrong. 22 year old me would never have thought of a child as a potential partner. However, when I was 17 myself my boyfriend was 22, nearly 23. He was lovely, and we met through some circumstances involving work experience and a friendship group formed from it. We became friends and things progressed organically. He was my 1st love and although we split after 2 years, I still think of him fondly 9 years later. But again, the dynamic was slightly off due to such a big age difference at those stages of life. I can’t imagine what it would be like with someone who had ill intentions.