To think a 22 year old dating a 16 year old is dodgy?

[Corall]

It was a family member. They are married now. It was the 16 year olds first relationship, she had only just turned 16, doing her GCSEs.
I find it off putting, makes me think badly of the man. He’s always been controlling.
But others think it was fine. AIBU to want to avoid him?

Grim. How do you feel about this looking back on it now you're a mature adult? I hope you're ok.

The girl in question was 16, not 19 fgs! There is a VERY big difference between 16 and 19. And an even bigger difference between 16 and 22, vs between 19 and 25. A 16 yo is a kid, no matter how "mature" they look. The neocortex is nowhere near maturity.

Millenials find older men moving on young teenagers predatory and absolutely disgusting, and they are right in that.

It's only recently that 16 years olds are " schoolgirls," though. Back in the late 80s many 16 years olds were working full time

GROSS

Mean and so dismissive of a long lasting marriage.🙄

These days I'd say dodgy. That is, to pursue it. I don't think it's crazy that they might be interested in doing so. In which case the appropriate action, imo, is to wait a few years. Most young people that age wouldn't, they are too impatient and would just move on rather than wait, but I don't think there is anything wrong with maintaining a friendship until the younger person is 18 or 19.

In the past I don't think that necessarily holds. People were working adults much younger and I think that makes a significant difference. My grandmother had been out of school working for a year at that point, and my grandfather was in the army.

That age gap just wasn’t appropriate despite how long-lasting the marriage turned out to be

I was 16 and he was 22, mind you I met him online when I was 15. He was a complete freak who groomed me and made me lie to my parents. Makes me sick thinking about it now and it took me at least 10 years to process it and realise it wasn’t my fault. 16 is nowhere near mature enough for that shit.

When I was 16 I had a bit of a thing with a 26 year old. Probably would be illegal now as he was a Scout leader, although not my own Scout group.

Makes me feel quite uneasy looking back on it, although as far as I was concerned it was consensual at the time.

Yanbu but its done now

Maybe she will divorce him in her 30s when she realises her worth

I was 19 and got into a relationship with my driving instructor. It got quite serious, I moved in with him for about 2 years or so.

My parents said nothing - ridiculous.

a 16 yr old is still at school, WTF does a 22 year old man have in common with a school girl?

so wrong.

Well thankfully where not in the 80s anymore. Lots of things where acceptable back then that are not now.

I was 16 and DH 23. Been together almost 27 years now with children. I was never groomed or taken advantage of and we met totally accidentally through mutual friends.

Well she was a child so yes absolutely unacceptable. Adults should not be dating, or as it is known in the law - grooming, children.

He’s always been controlling - which is why he didnt want a woman.

Lots of women on here already proudly mentioning their paedo husbands. Weird flex.

Forgot to add - he was 33

My friend was 17 and her (now) dh 29 when they met. At the time I thought it was weird and he was ancient. They’ve been married more than 40 years now and there’s actually a bigger age gap between dh and myself, although I was 10 years older when I met him.

My 19 year old was seeing a 17 year old recently and I was uncomfortable with that. She had left school but still seemed quite immature. I was glad when it ended.

I was 18 when I met my now DH who was 24 at the time. 8 years later and we are happily married with a dog and a mortgage. Never thought it was a big age gap or odd, although I will say I think there’s a huge difference between 16 and 18!

Yes, it's grim as fuck.

I've been a 22 year old man, and the idea of being interested in a 16 year old would have repulsed me or any of my friends.

I'm not going to get too concerned about 16 year olds and 22 year olds, they're very often at similar stages of maturity.

My first boyfriend was 22 and I was 16, he was a really lovely bloke, we had some great times together and we split up amicably and as friends when I went to University at 19. We're still friends 35 years later.

Absolutely no grooming or weirdness was involved.

That's not to say there aren't predatory men who take advantage of vulnerable younger women, there's plenty of that.

There are also relationships with a bit of an age gap that are based on mutual respect and friendship, I think it's a bit off to brand all men predators and all women victims in these cases.

I was 17 he was 23. A million years later here we are still together.

I had a 23 year old boyfriend when I was 16 (mid-eighties), it felt completely normal for the time, but now, no way. My children who are late teens and early twenties are quick to label anything over a 1 year gap as “noncy”. At a starting age of 16 I think they are right.
It’s all about the times you live in.

Noncy? Give over.

Quite!

Why on earth would a one year age gap be noncey?

And, just for the record, whilst it may be distasteful for an older man to have sex with a 16 year old, it's not paedophilia, 16 year olds aren't children.

It depends on the time period. 50’s it was seen as standard - now definitely not. I had an ex who was 30 and contacting (aka sending nudes to) 16/17 year olds - when I called him a pedophile he told me the legal age was 16, so he wasn’t doing anything wrong. And whilst in the term of the law, he was correct but when he was seeing out girls in school uniform and things, we know what he is.

im going to say it, men and women who date young kids, wether that being 16 or that being 20 when they’re 30 themselves - they often do it because they’re abusers and know that the only way they’re able to manipulate a partner if they’re young and naieve as people their age would see right through it. I was 19 with a 29 year old and I look at how immature and vulnerable I was at 19 compared to at 25 and it’s so obvious that is the exact reason why abusers get with younger kids.