To ask how the hell I can get out of this hen do?

[BossaNovaOnAllNight]

...without disclosing my pregnancy early! I have been added to the hen do whatsapp of nightmares! Weekend in Marbella, deposit needed by Sunday and lots of passive aggressive messages about saying sooner rather than later if you can't come because it will make it more expensive for others. I am friends with the bride only as I'm her work friend and my due date is on the date smack bang in the middle of the weekend for her hen. I know missing it because I'm pregnant is totally fair enough but I don't know how to tell the chat, without telling the bride and this will cause me stress at work. I'm really not ready to tell everyone at work yet and wanted to wait until I'm further along... what would you all do? Make something up ( in which case the bride will probably be offended that I'm not coming as she isn't in the chat but will bring up her hen at work ), or tell a group of slightly aggy strangers before I even tell family? It feels wrong! Thanks in advance for any replies, I will be watching responses like a hawk!

That's me told then 😁

Why did you reply this? What part of my post deserved for you to be so unkind?

I think you're being very overly sensitive to posters on here @BossaNovaOnAllNight .
@RampantIvy and @NJC7 haven't said anything untoward. Perhaps channel some of this energy into your response to the hen.

‘Thanks so much for inviting me. I would have loved to have come but can’t make it, I’m afraid. Have a fantasic time!’

I dont think I am, both tagged me to reply - one said it isn't difficult and I responded to that and the other is judt plain sarcy. I just don't understand the rudeness? Also I don't need to channel anything to the hen, I was asking for advice to prevent offending.

I'm so sorry I won't be able to make it, gutted to miss it! Hope you have an amazing time, looking forward to seeing all the photos! X

You're the OP, expect people to tag you.
It isn't difficult to respond!
So what someone was sarky, do you take everything so personally?

Well yes I do when it's aimed at me? Sorry what exactly is your problem?

This happened to me - I messaged the organiser directly and said, look I don’t want to say too much as it’s early, but that date really won’t work for me. I didn’t explicitly tell her I was pregnant but she could read between the lines so therefore understood/wasn’t angry!

Ahhh this is so reassuring, I'd hope the organiser would be the same with me. It's truly because I was so keen before & the organisers gone to a lot of effort to plan the do- I know how hard it can be when you don't know the hr people you're planning it for so I did feel bad.. the bride herself has struggled with fertility and I'm not desperate to tell her my news yet, I want her to stay in her happy bubble for a bit and be the centre of it all so I've been really overthinking. So glad it worked out for you. When you did eventually break the news did it become clear?

Either don’t give a reason or say you’ve got a holiday booked.

If you really don’t feel comfortable replying with a short but polite no, maybe message the MoH and explain your situation and ask her to keep it private, she can remove you from the group then, with regards to the bride, again if you really feel you need to explain yourself, maybe honesty is the best policy - but leave it as long as you can so you feel more comfortable in your pregnancy.

I don’t really understand people’s desire to tell family first, I get not making public announcements before parents and in-laws know, but quietly telling a few people will not affect that special moment whatsoever & reduce whatever stress this Hen party is causing you.

PERFECT! Do not explain or make something up. A prior commitment is totally true and you won't have to remember any type of story or fib.

So, you did work out how to decline without having to give away your news?

If so, wonderful! As a PP mentioned, when you do announce your good news, you can always take the bride out for a lunch or dinner to spend one on one time with her.

Congratulations and blessings! 💗💙💚💛💖

So many people advising you to lie, not nice. Just say you can’t make it and leave the group. When you’re ready to tell people about your pregnancy the bride will understand.

Can you tell them you've just received a Save The Date card for your partners cousin's wedding?

Why should she lie?
She has replied anyway.

Yes! I messaged the bride directly and explained x

As others have said, say thanks for the invite but you already have something planned for that weekend and leave the group and in time when you're ready to share the news your friend should understand.

OMG the thread that never died! Can someone make it stop?

Say "Sorry, I already have an extremely important medical procedure scheduled for [due date] and there's no way I can reschedule." If people ask what the procedure is, just say "I'm not ready to talk about it yet, but I promise I'm okay."