To ask how the hell I can get out of this hen do?

[BossaNovaOnAllNight]

...without disclosing my pregnancy early! I have been added to the hen do whatsapp of nightmares! Weekend in Marbella, deposit needed by Sunday and lots of passive aggressive messages about saying sooner rather than later if you can't come because it will make it more expensive for others. I am friends with the bride only as I'm her work friend and my due date is on the date smack bang in the middle of the weekend for her hen. I know missing it because I'm pregnant is totally fair enough but I don't know how to tell the chat, without telling the bride and this will cause me stress at work. I'm really not ready to tell everyone at work yet and wanted to wait until I'm further along... what would you all do? Make something up ( in which case the bride will probably be offended that I'm not coming as she isn't in the chat but will bring up her hen at work ), or tell a group of slightly aggy strangers before I even tell family? It feels wrong! Thanks in advance for any replies, I will be watching responses like a hawk!

Apologises ladies I have another commitment that day. Technically you have hahahaha

The problem isn’t with saying no to the rest of the hen party - that’s reasonable. But I can see it will mean your friend at work will learn you aren’t going and then she will be offended if you don’t seem to have a good excuse when you speak to her. It would hurt/confuse me if a supposedly good friend told me she didn’t want to come, without reason, when she’d previously seemed really keen on it.

But I also wonder - if this friend is so close she can reasonably expect an excuse of some sort, why isn’t she so close you can tell her about the pregnancy without it causing issues? Is this friendship one you really want to spending £££ on for a hen do abroad?

If you need an excuse, would “just been informed of a family wedding on that weekend” work?

Say you have a wedding the same weekend. Wedding trumps hen!

You only know one person, the bride who is just a work friend, the WhatsApp group is already unpleasant, run away! You're on holiday/ busy/ skint/ washing your hair.

You don't know these people, I don't understand why you can't say... Sorry I can't make it, have a great time. And then leave the group chat.

Then the friend at work will ask questions about the wedding. It's hard to maintain a lie.

Being pregnant is completely irrelevant. You don't want to go so just say you can't make it. Hen dos are neve compulsory. Even less so when abroad.

“Thanks for the invite, unfortunately I can’t make it but I hope you all have a great time”

If you feel bad then privately speak with the bride about your reason for not going

Work friend? Sack that off! Just say no. Who on earth spends that much time or money on a colleague?

Family celebration planned (aunts golden wedding anniversary)

You're already booked for another hen do from a different set of friends

Have a quiet word with her and ask her not to tell anyone

Yep this OP!

Your over thinking it and can always message the bride separately and say have a amazing time sorry I can't make it.

Most people won't ask why if clear and to the point.

Why do so many people lie about this sort of thing? It doesn’t require an explanation and lying just means you will be found out later on.

First response nails it as always.

Tell them you have to attend a family wedding

I think it will become obvious later

Then she goes to work - who's wedding, where is it? etc

Just say sorry you can’t make it but hope they all have an amazing time and you can’t wait to see the pictures.

If they or the hen ask for a reason, you have a wedding that weekend. Uni friend she doesn’t know. Your husband’s childhood friend who is like a brother to him. Second cousin. Job done.

I'd just say it dawned on you that it was going to be too expensive and you can't afford it.

Ask if there will be "butlers in the buff" - whatever the answer, say you're not keen, because there will/won't be 😀
(ref to a recent AIBU thread 👍)

Presumably by the time the fake wedding rolls around she will have announced her pregnancy.

I don't know. It genuinely surprises me how often lying is suggested on these threads, almost by default.

Sorry, I have a prior family commitment.......easy, no need to tie yourself in knots over it.

Until then, it's lies compounding lies.
She just needs to say she can't make it.
In a couple of months time, it'll be obvious.

Sorry, afraid I have something on then that I can't get out of.

It's the truth! 😂

Oh my god! That thread! Actually that's a perfect excuse 😄