DH didn’t get DD anything but got his nieces

[Emsieo]

This week DH was in New York on a business trip, he got back this morning. We have 2 children DS is 8 and DD is 6. He also has 2 nieces who are 2 and 4. While on his trip he went to the American Girl Doll store and got a doll for both of his nieces, he told me his SIL sent him the money and told him what to get and it’s for their Christmas. I asked if he didn’t think to get DD one and he shrugged and said doesn’t she already have loads of dolls. She does but she adores dolls and would absolutely love an American girl doll, they aren’t easy to get in the uk so she will likely never have one.
Its upset me that he made all the effort to go to a store filled with things DD would love and didn’t think to get her one for her Christmas. He says if I knew she wanted one I should have told him like SIL did. I feel as a father he should have been able to think for himself and get her one.

AIBU?

I was in NY with my friends last year and we went to the American Girl Doll store (whatever it's called) and honestly its wildly overpriced! I didn't bring anything back for my two girls as it's just spending money for the sake of it!!

The Our Generation dolls that you can buy in Smyths are basically incredibly similar and much less expensive- it literally did not cross my mind to spend a small fortune on one of those dolls just because you can't get them in the UK when you can get the Our Generation dolls for a fraction of the price!

The DH probably didn’t want to waste his money on more expensive plastic crap when his DD already has plenty of dolls. I wouldn’t have bought one either unless DD specifically wanted one.

OP, if you think your DD would like an AG doll, don't be put off by the comments here. They are heirloom quality and nothing like Our Generation. They're really sturdy and last for decades. Highest quality wigs, for example, unlike the low-quality rooted hair of the Our Generation dolls. I'm not knocking OG, I think it's a fantastic brand of reasonably-priced dolls. But the quality can't hold a candle to AG, nor would you expect it to, for the price point.

They’re expensive to buy for a kid who has not shown any interest in wanting one.

Clearly there’s many posters on here that not only don’t understand the costs of these dolls, but also the huge range thats available. Even custom dolls are available.

These dolls aren’t bought on a whim. Girls plan for ages for them and treasure the dolls they get. Many keep them to pass on to their own kids.

As if the DH should have just picked something up. If the OP wanted such a doll, she would known NY has the flagship store and would have mentioned.

The DH isn’t going to drop £££s on a doll that’s never been mentioned before.
You can also buy online in the UK. So the drama really isn’t needed.

I'm with you.
If his sister hadn't specifically requested and sent him the money then that would be a different story.

Why? His daughter hasn't even asked for one of these dolls! How could he be letting her down when she she's never said she wants one, never mind as her main Christmas present?

Will your daughter know?

I wouldn’t expect my DH to sit and think what our child would like from that location when on a business trip- he is in a different headspace usually within a limited time . Although he’d probably have mentioned if someone requested something from that location.
My husband travels a lot. I often think what I may want from the place he’s going to, order it to his hotel (most hotels accept deliveries and the package is already there when he gets there) and make it as convenient for him as possible, including making sure there’s enough space in the luggage. 3 dolls is a lot to fit in the luggage given that employers often limit how much you can carry as they book the cheapest seats (and luggage allowance) they can.

It would piss me off too.

But how I would react to it would depend on how general conduct and personality, I guess.

If he's usually a caring and hands on dad, let it slide.

If he leaves all the present buying to you, etc, but is otherwise OK, I would sit him down and have a chat and explain that I didn't think this was my sole duty, it should be a joint effort.

If he is generally a cunt in all ways, I'd be looking to leave.

Only you know what he is like in general, OP. But you certainly aren't being silly to be mildly pissed off, even if he is generally lovely.

This thread says far more about women than it does men. OP’s husband saw a shop full of dolls that look like any other bloody doll that she has loads of at home already. And he’s expected to somehow know that these dolls are different. They’re “heirlooms”. Honestly, who gives a shit? This is one of those examples of women thinking men are mind readers.

OP your daughter doesn’t need another doll. If you think this doll matters so much, buy one for her online.

I really hope the OP keeps quiet and doesn't say anything to DD. No 'Oh darling, Daddy went to New York and he could have got you an AG doll but he didn't.'

I think you are taking it out of proportion. He was asked to purchase something specific and paid for by his SIL. It has nothing to do with your daughter. I fail to see what he has done wrong.

If they see the 4 & 2 year old over Christmas, they are unlikely to be quiet about it.

Funnily enough I have actually picked up & brought back American Girl dolls for people before. I’ve never picked one out for my own girls in the process because those dolls are too damn expensive for that. They’re a substantial gift to buy when that’s what the child really wants for Christmas or their birthday, not a ‘while I’m here I’ll grab one’ gift, and I wouldn’t choose one for any child without their input.

Perhaps ask yourself this… if you took your nieces out of the equation and your DH had mentioned these dolls (and the prices) as a potential Christmas gift for your DD, would you have said yes that’s definitely what we should spend a large chunk of her gift budget on?

Take your daughter to see the Christmas lights and choose one!

Well they won’t know where they came from. They are 2 and 4. Children that age don’t think about their presents being bought, they appear under the tree

You can get them online here.

Get her 2.

Hes a thoughtless arsehole. Yanbu.

But the 4 & 2 year-old are extremely unlikely to know that their uncle had anything to do with it. Most likely Santa will bring the dolls and that’s all they’ll know.

I don't think it's a big deal. It's not like he bought them as a gift, he was given the money for them. Maybe it would have been nice for him to buy his daughter a gift but if she's got loads of dolls already and didn't specifically ask for one, then it's a non issue.

He didn't think to get her one as he thinks she has enough dolls, and probably doesn't put value on their "exclusivity" alone.

That doesn't make him useless, just of differing opinion to you.

But he didnt buy the dolls as presents he got them for his sister who paid him the money. If you wanted a doll you should have asked for one. How was he supposed to read your mind.

They will probably have already bashed those dolls about, cut their hair and drawn over their faces with Sharpies.

My husband also arrived back from a NY business trip this morning and bought our kids stuff. Just some NY merch, but he was excited to give it to them. Your DH is a bit thoughtless.

I can see how he might have been in task mode, but I’d be really disappointed if my husband did this. I don’t think he would as he loves buying gifts for our DD, but he does occasionally baffle me with the odd bit of really thoughtless behaviour.