DH didn’t get DD anything but got his nieces

[Emsieo]

This week DH was in New York on a business trip, he got back this morning. We have 2 children DS is 8 and DD is 6. He also has 2 nieces who are 2 and 4. While on his trip he went to the American Girl Doll store and got a doll for both of his nieces, he told me his SIL sent him the money and told him what to get and it’s for their Christmas. I asked if he didn’t think to get DD one and he shrugged and said doesn’t she already have loads of dolls. She does but she adores dolls and would absolutely love an American girl doll, they aren’t easy to get in the uk so she will likely never have one.
Its upset me that he made all the effort to go to a store filled with things DD would love and didn’t think to get her one for her Christmas. He says if I knew she wanted one I should have told him like SIL did. I feel as a father he should have been able to think for himself and get her one.

AIBU?

You sound jealous that sil thought of it and you didn’t. He probably doesn’t know or care anything about dolls. He just followed instructions to do a favour for his sister, he wasn’t in Christmas shopping mode and ignored your daughter. My husband doesn’t know anything about dolls, and I don’t know or care about computer games that my son loves. I have a 6 year old girl and don’t know what an American girl doll is even though she loves Barbie dolls so if I were buying one as a favour for my sister I wouldn’t think to get one for mine either. Even though she is the light of my life and I adore her. Also luggage space! I don’t take check in for work trips.

To be fair, if you buy them in NYC they are 100 pounds equiv, not 200.

The custom ones are $280-ish, but most people aren't buying those, and they're not available in the stores anyway.

Why didn’t he give you the option is the problem…but then again, he said that he thought DD had loads…

I do think that you are jealous and will pass on the feeling. Just order one if you want to…

That's just the custom line, which isn't even available in stores. 99% of their offering is the standard stock line, which is much less expensive than the custom ones.

Oh come on, that's a bit silly! The topic of conversation is the doll store, because that's where the DH went. It doesn't mean that the OP isn't bothered about her son having a gift! AG dolls are specific to America, hence the name American Girl. It's one of the very few toys by a toy giant like Mattel that isn't readily available outside the US. Almost certainly, whatever her son wants for Christmas is not something that you really need to be in the US to buy!

(I know that technically you can buy them in the UK, as there's that website, but they're almost double the price of buying them in NY.)

Fgs its a doll. DD is 6. How is she going to know or even care. He sounds like every other man who cant think for himself. Tell him to go and buy one from John Lewis.

@Emsieo OP, if your daughter likes dolls but has missed out on AG this time, have you considered Gotz dolls from Germany? They are famous for their high quality and are beautiful, too. The Happy Kidz line is fully jointed, which means you can do a lot of poses with them, which is fun. You have to be careful about which one you get as some of them look massively grumpy, but the one linked below is beautiful. And there are more on that website.

https://www.mydollbestfriend.co.uk/gotz-happy-kidz-sophia-2020-blonde-doll-2020-50cm

This one is super-cute too, although she doesn't have all the joints as she's from the Hannah range, not the Happy Kidz range:

https://www.mydollbestfriend.co.uk/gotz-hannah-ballet-asian-doll-p-35

Fun fact: Gotz gave birth to American Girl dolls. Back in the Eighties, the founder of American Girl, Pleasant Rowland, licensed a Gotz face for her new doll company, and it became the standard AG face that's on the majority of the AG dolls today.

If my sister asked me to do this I would and I wouldn't get the same for my own DD unless I had been planning on getting her one for Christmas anyway. I cannot see what he has done. I'd be more annoyed with my DH if he was giving me hassle about helping my sister out like a whiny child.

Really? How will she even know. To a six year old, a doll is a doll and unless her mum tells her that her dad was in a shop and didnt buy her one then she’ll never know.

OP I probably would have done the same as he did as that’s a lot of money for a doll that she didn’t ask for, probably knows nothing about and already has a lot of.

spend the money on something she has asked Santa for x x

I would consider it.

Then think:

• No way, DD already has 15 dolls at home.
• DD has never expressed an interest in an American Doll.
• Wtf is an American Doll anyway, do people seriously spend £150 on one or these?!
• SIL is ridiculous for spending this much on a toy.
• Are these things going to fit in my luggage?
• When can I get out of this place.

End.

Doesnt sound malicious. Just not thinking. Quite stereotypically 'man'?

I was thinking this too!

silly as it sounds but I like IS toothpaste… my brother in law is my toothpaste mule…I doubt he buys it for anyone else…

Dolls really are a bit creepy aren’t
they? With them staring eyes.

For goodness sake! He's a MAN!

It’s no excuse really, but I do find that a lot of men and I hate making generalisations, need things spelt out to them, they just don’t think the same as we do. It’s a shame he didn’t tell you he was going so you could tell him what to buy, but it probably wouldn’t have crossed his mind.

Don't generalise about men or women then. It wouldn't have crossed my mind either. It would more likely have crossed DH's mind than mine and it's not a male/female thing. Not does it make DH better than me for thinking about Christmas presents early.

Sorry, but men cannot multitask. Fact. They can only think and focus on one thing at a time. It was really beyond his capabilities to think of his daughter at the same time as focussing on nieces. Sad but true…..

This is a common idea, but there has never been a study that indicates it's true.

We know men don't think of their children's needs as much as women. Absolutely no evidence they can't. It's an issue of privilege.

Sounds like the kind of man who cannot think for himself / use common sense and will only do something if expressly asked.

I would go insane being with somebody like that.

Isn't the problem more that he did think for himself and decided his dd, who already had loads of dolls, didn't need a £100+ doll she didn't even ask for and instead got both his children small souvenirs.
Whereas the OP would prefer he didn't make the decision himself and ask her instead?

If you genuinely think your daughter would love one, and will know that her cousins have them and be sad, then I think you have to try to get hold of one online regardless of cost and then your DH will never forget or make this kind of error ever again.

If it’s possible you are overreacting and your daughter won’t care or particularly want this very expensive doll then I would try to let it go OP It is hard to understand why he didn’t think to run it by you but he’s a man and they are dolls so go easy on him.

"Husband spent 60 quid on a doll without asking me. AIBU to be annoyed that dh spent this much on a doll when DD has tons and we hadnt discussed it"

No its quite the opposite, he did think for himself and decided his daughter didnt need one. Thats OPs problem

Why is it common sense for him
to think that he should buy a £200 doll for
his daughter just because his sister is buying one for her daughters?

A lot of men do this sort of thing to show that they are in charge, The most important person. Then plead to be the innocent.

It's also a way of them pulling rank under the Oh Well that's what men are like. Which some women put up with as par for the course. They don't want to rock.the boat.

Next time it is his birthday..Don't get him.anything and say you were really busy with kids and just forgot.