DH didn’t get DD anything but got his nieces

[Emsieo]

This week DH was in New York on a business trip, he got back this morning. We have 2 children DS is 8 and DD is 6. He also has 2 nieces who are 2 and 4. While on his trip he went to the American Girl Doll store and got a doll for both of his nieces, he told me his SIL sent him the money and told him what to get and it’s for their Christmas. I asked if he didn’t think to get DD one and he shrugged and said doesn’t she already have loads of dolls. She does but she adores dolls and would absolutely love an American girl doll, they aren’t easy to get in the uk so she will likely never have one.
Its upset me that he made all the effort to go to a store filled with things DD would love and didn’t think to get her one for her Christmas. He says if I knew she wanted one I should have told him like SIL did. I feel as a father he should have been able to think for himself and get her one.

AIBU?

I think it depends on whether the OP's family are the type that would spend £100+ on an impulse gift for just one child.
My family definitely aren't, don't know if that's tight!

Exactly, yet several posters are choosing to ignore that tidbit including OP.

She seems to care more that he didn’t get a doll for their DD and did a favour for their SIL.

I think considering their DD is 6 and she leaves out the age of her son, that sweets are a decent gift while keeping things equal between both kids. Am curious how old the son is and would OP have expected a gift just as expensive for their DS too.

Get her the doll from the Argos Xmas advert and kick him to the kerb

I confess I don't know much about dolls at all, but have read back through the thread and seen that these ones are expensive and many pps don't like them.

Having said that I did have a good idea of the kinds of things that my DC would like for Xmas, and if I was in a shop that sold the kinds of things that they liked. I would have at least thought about what I could get them or rung home and asked opinions. And if budget was an issue, I would have looked to see if there was a more reasonable alternative.
I mean he was actually in the shop anyway.
I think its really sad that he didn't even think to do that and I don't blame OP for being rather disappointed that he didn't.

That is bad form of him OP. He doesn't need to be 'asked' or 'told' to pick something up for 'his' daughter FFS.

Its a long time since I played with dolls but even I know what American girl dolls are and he DID know there was something special about them if his sister asked him to pick some up for her kids.

Are you annoyed that SIL thought to ask, and you didn't OP?
Maybe he was thinking they were vastly overpriced and not particularly attractive, in which case buying one for DD wouldn't enter his head.
Your nieces are allowed to have something, arranged and paid for by their mum, without your daughter having to have one too.
You are being a bit silly, jealous and childish, IMO.

You can get them in the UK but they seem to be about £200, how much were the ones he bought his nieces?
I don’t think it’s odd that he didn’t think of it. If she’s got lots of dolls already he may not see why she would want or need any more, especially if they’re incredibly expensive unless she had a real specific need for that brand. Lots of men don’t browse shops like many women do, they go in for a specific item and they get out as quickly as they can. Sounds like it just didn’t occur to him- I don’t blame him.

This thread is fair bringing back memories - Christmas 1984, my mum managed to prevail on my father to FINALLY allow Santa to bring me a Cabbage Patch doll.

Until that point the male parental refused to allow one to darken the door of the house on the grounds that they were the "fucking ugliest things" he'd ever seen. In the end, I was grudgingly allowed a European version, which were smaller, and apparently slightly less fugly. 😂

These American Girl Dolls look moderately less attractively challenged, tbf.

Six year olds are planning heirlooms? In my house toys are for playing with.

Also weight bringing things back, you cant get everything, but ae said I would have prioritised close family, but it is difficult if he has promised his sister.

My DD likes dolls but she has £30-£50 Our Generation and Baby Annabels, even if I was in a shop that sold £100-£200 dolls it's not something I'd consider buying unless she was absolutely desperate for that specific type.

Agree people said this about various toys in the past, mostly they are now pretty worthless, just get them to be used, and if not don't bother

Yet another example of a useless and thoughtless man. Fuck sake.

Anyone that says sexual orientation is a choice is an actual fuckwit.

What about the mother who is so concerned about her daughter needing yet another doll but no worries if son gets nothing or is that ok because he's going to end up being a man?

As I said earlier poor little boy

Yes I got told I shouldn't let my kids play with their star wars toys. What the hell are toys for? How are six year olds being brought up if they are planning heirlooms instead of playing with their toys?

He did not bring back presents for his nieces. For some perverse reason op wants people to think that but it isn’t true. Read the op.

I disliked plastic dolls as a child so that would have been the right choice for me.

I'm on team husband here. My husband would not have a clue what doll to get for our daughter, or anyone else's kid, but would go somewhere to buy one if given very specific instructions (and ideally a photo) of what to get. Doesn't make him a crap dad. It sounds like the SIL in the OP did give him explicit directions. I suppose he could have called the OP and asked if their daughter would like one, but it seems he thought she had lots of dolls already, and likely didn't need another one which is fair enough. There's nothing particularly special about them. Plus, those dolls are big, and he was probably thinking about how much room he had in his suitcase.

Typically these dolls are for older girls. They are actually marketed as 8+

Haven't read the full thread, but if you DD already has dolls I'm with your DH 100% - much prefer the magnet.

Although as for American sweets/chocolate 🤢

id be devastated too OP.

It’s the thoughtlessness that hurts.

DH found a brand of something that his SIL loves cheap in the states and bought it for her. Didn’t buy it for me who would have loved it too (his SIL is “collector” I am not).

Crushed is not the word. He just never thinks.

How difficult is it to say “SIL has asked me to get this what do you think”. Or “I’m going to Walgreens and getting crest strips is there anything you want?”

But then again I always ring ask DH when I go the shop if he needs anything.

I

Agree

@VikaOlson I don't know much about dolls or how much they cost but
I agree the toys you mention do sound expensive.

However, I was going on the fact that the OP said the shop was " a store filled with things DD would love" so I assume there would be other things in the shop she might like.
and as I said "I would have at least thought about what I could get them or rung home and asked opinions. And if budget was an issue, I would have looked to see if there was a more reasonable alternative."

So it's not the cost, or the fact that it was paid for by SIL for her girls and not a gift from him, its the fact he didn't stop to see if there was anything his DD would have liked for Christmas. Even if he'd said to the OP.. they were so expensive I'm glad we didn't have to pay for them and I didn't see much else, it would have been understandable, But he didn't apparently even stop to think about DD or even look and that is what I would find sad.

OP knows the shop is full of things the DD would love, he doesn't seem to because he didn't think about his DD.

Most of my children’s presents are bought by DH, because he knows what lego sets they already have/what footy kit they would prefer/what action figures relate to the most recent Marvel film etc. if I went to a Lego store I’d need to call him to get guidance on what to buy. I wouldn’t call him if I was abroad. I can understand why your husband hasn’t thought to get a doll for your daughter, sorry.

i don’t think this is a big deal at all, he was doing someone else’s shopping. I thought it was going to be that he thoughtfully went and chose gifts for his nieces and didn’t get one for DD.

when I’ve been away and asked to get thing for others I’ve actually been careful not to fall into the trap of getting one of whatever it is for my own DD.