DH didn’t get DD anything but got his nieces

[Emsieo]

This week DH was in New York on a business trip, he got back this morning. We have 2 children DS is 8 and DD is 6. He also has 2 nieces who are 2 and 4. While on his trip he went to the American Girl Doll store and got a doll for both of his nieces, he told me his SIL sent him the money and told him what to get and it’s for their Christmas. I asked if he didn’t think to get DD one and he shrugged and said doesn’t she already have loads of dolls. She does but she adores dolls and would absolutely love an American girl doll, they aren’t easy to get in the uk so she will likely never have one.
Its upset me that he made all the effort to go to a store filled with things DD would love and didn’t think to get her one for her Christmas. He says if I knew she wanted one I should have told him like SIL did. I feel as a father he should have been able to think for himself and get her one.

AIBU?

Thank you for asking the Authority of Manhood for his opinion. That settles it.

Mumsnet still wouldn’t be happy though: “why did he have to consult with you first? Doesn’t he know his own daughter and what she likes? Why is all the mental load on you to know which dolls your daughter might enjoy?”

So why didn't you ask him to go while he was in new York?

I wouldn't either. But that wasn't really my point - which was more to do with the lack of concern on OP's part about their son potentially being excluded from the present giving.

She is the one who doesn't view the sweets and magnet a sufficient present to bring back for the kids, but her only concern is for her daughter.

Exactly.

Most men would say “ oh sil has asked me to get American girl dolls- do you think DD might want one??”

I'm really not sure what is stupid about not buying an expensive toy for your child that they haven't asked for when they already have lots at home?

One of the joys of being father to a girl is to buy fancy presents when travelling abroad. I don't have a job with travel now, but, it's really not a chore!

Or, op thinks it would be a really cool doll her little girl would love. It doesn't have to be deeper than that.

You don’t get what AGD are and what they mean to girls. So there’s no need to continue a conversation you don’t understand.

It’s clear you’ve never bought one.

Tantamount to abuse quite frankly. I don't know how you manage to cope.
Time to get your ducks in a row and LTB.
Then he'll be free to find someone less petty and ridiculous.

I dont have to understand it 🤣 people can buy whatever doll they want for no other reason than "DD will love it". As i say, it really doesn't have to be deeper than that.

American Dolls are made to.your own specifications , including the outfits you want . Usually to look like a mini me of your child . I bet his sister gave him the instructions or wrote them down and an assistant makes them up . Did he even wait or did they deliver to hotel.

I imagine he wouldn't have a clue as to how to customise one for your DC . Pity he didn't mention it before he left as you might have thought of it then . Did you even get a chance to request anything be brought back for you or DCs?

And they’re also free to think it’s a huge amount of money to waste on a doll, surely?

Yes. Of course. Op doesn't appear to think that though, hence the thread.

But does this imply that all girls should be treated the same and just because his nieces want something then this means DD must have this too?

No.

it shows he’s thinking about what his daughter MIGHT like and checking with his DW whether it’s a good idea.

IMO buying it without checking (ie just copying SIL) shows just as much lack of thought for his daughter as not bothering at all.

But she wasn’t the one in the shop.

I know this.

I can't believe some of the comments on here. My mom went on a work trip to America and when she came back half her suitcase was stuff for me! Just cute little things that she knew I'd love. I cannot imagine being so busy or uncaring that you don't buy gifts for your own family. Even if your husband wasn't sure, he could have easily asked you what your kids would like. His behaviour is a bit insensitive.

What would YOU have done OP?.....i already know the answer.....i too live with a selfish prick and YADNBU......very sad 😌

He did buy gifts for his family though. Totally normal been on a trip little things he picked up kind of gifts.

Not buying an extra massively expensive Christmas present isn't insensitive.

I agree. Selfish, lacking in imagination, and dare I say it...used to others doing his thinking for him.

"Hasn't she got enough dolls already?" - isn't that something Trump was saying when he put the Chinese tariffs up and people were complaining it would make toys more expensive.

Is he really tight or something?

I don't think you should have had to tell him. If he found himself in a little girl's paradise of girl toys and didn't know what to get he could have rung you.. or lets just hazard a guess here, bought the same toy for his DD that he bought for her cousins so they could have all played with them together at xmas.

Think we’re agreeing. I do wonder why OP is upset that her daughter didn’t get an expensive doll yet the sweets are acceptable for their son.

Her posts do seem to ignore her son and it’s all about her daughter not getting yet another doll and that her DH got the dolls that his SIL asked and gave money to him to get for nieces.

I really don’t get why it’s wrong for him to decide not to get them when he thinks DD has enough dolls.

Seems ridiculous he is wrong yet OP is seemingly right to expect him to get a doll that their daughter never hinted or asked for unless OP is going to drip feed that their DD did ask for it.

I think that the doll would have been kept for Christmas though?

But if he'd bought the DD a doll, some sweets and a magnet for DS would be very unequal.