Is it wrong for only to get my own child Christmas presents

[Blessedone1111]

My mum is saying it’s wrong I’m not getting others presents and if I was her sister in law she would think I’m out of order for not buying her children presents. I can afford to save money to get my own child presents but I really can’t afford outside of that without going without or taking from my emergency money.

why can’t Christmas just be enjoyed celebrating with family. Why do we have to buy lots of gifts.

Am I being unreasonable? I would rather we see eachother then buy eachother gifts

Well this sounds a lovely happy family and I’m sure Christmas is a joy!

Your mum doesn’t get a vote in how you run your family budget.

If you’re skint, then no you shouldn’t be buying other people Christmas presents.

If you are talking about nieces and nephews, tbh I’d probably knock a couple of quid off my own child’s Christmas budget and buy them a selection box each or something (or some other small, cheap chocolate thing!).

I maybe would just buy a chocolate selection box for nieces and nephews but I agree with you.

It's not wrong as long as your sister in law knows in advance so as not to get your child presents unless she wants to. It would be wrong to expect presents but not give them.

Confused. Who is it your mum is saying you should buy a gift for?

Does your sister in law know you are not buying gifts ? There is nothing wrong with not buying as long as everyone is in the loop and not buying for yours.

We only do gifts for children. If you aren't going to give to the children, then make it clear. No-one should have to get into debt for Christmas. If you are seeing them on the day, I'd agree to get favourite chocolate for the children, so there's something getting handed between them.

Presents for my 5 nieces. I put money away this month and next toward a big present for my daughter which is a bike. One of my sister in law has already sent a present she wants to get my daughter which is £40, I already cant match that. I said honestly dont get a gift and lets all chip towards food and a good experience for the kids this christmas. My mum said what I did was really rude. But im actually not trying to be rude I just dont have the funds.

I think sometimes my family forgets it’s only me in my house hold and not another income

You're absolutely not being unreasonable at all. As PPs have said, buy small token items if you can (chocolate, sweets, little pocket money toys or whatever) but you're right to prioritise your own family and to not get into debt trying to keep up. I'd speak to your brother (I'm assuming SIL is wife of brother?) and just say clearly that you won't be buying outside your immediate family due to cost of living, you're sure he understands, and it's fine not to get you anything too, etc.

I would have thought your sister-in-law and her children are part of your family?

I understand it's an expensive time though and perhaps you could approach her and agree to just do token gifts for each other's children?

Who are you spending Christmas with op?

I would just say that you can't afford to spend that amount and maybe suggest a limit or a secret santa where you all buy one gift. If that doesn't work though I would still try and get them something, you can get a bath bomb and a selection box for a few pounds.

I think either way is fine, as long as you've told people so e.g SIL also won't be buying for your DC.

I would make it clear that you aren't buying presents as you can't afford it. I would take round a box of biscuits for the family and a card or something. I would also make it clear that you don't expect anybody to buy for your DC either.

Your mum sounds overly pushy OP.

@Addtosignup I will be spending Christmas with the whole family.

For the other comments it’s not because I don’t see them as family I really just don’t have it. Which is why I would prefer they didn’t get my child anything at all. As it is a bit embarrassing they are spending £40 and I’m giving back a small cheap gift.

I really would rather just chip towards the food shop and family board games or something tjays for everyone and not individual gifts

Agree. I couldn't imagine telling someone else that they HAD to buy a present, let alone spend £40 on it.

I would definitely go back to SIL on that £40 gift and ask her please not to buy it as you can't afford to reciprocate, and suggest just getting smaller items for the children. If she is better off she probably just hasn't realised it's out of reach for many.

As long as others are aware you won’t be buying gifts for them, it’s fine. If they are aware and still buy for your child, that’s up to them and you shouldn’t be embarrassed as they’ve made a choice to still buy knowing the situation.

I already cant match that. I said honestly dont get a gift and lets all chip towards food and a good experience for the kids this christmas. My mum said what I did was really rude

Your mum is bonkers. Taking the kids out somewhere sounds like a lovely idea, not at all rude. If gifts for 5 nieces are a must set a budget and say you expect no more than that in return for your DC. £5-£10 or whatever you can afford. Not many people could afford 5 x £40 for niece and nephew gifts.

Nothing wrong with buying only your child gifts!

I wish I’d stood up years ago and done this - my sister is very well off and at the time I was really struggling and couldn’t afford my own children’s presents, and it was very expected by her that I bought her adult children Christmas gifts. Simply didn’t have the money, meant I had to go further into debt.

Now I’d say no - hold your position. Just be honest with them.

You should make no apology if you cannot afford to buy anything, it's totally fine but make it clear to family that you wish for nothing in return. My auntie never bought us kids presents for Xmas, despite coming on Boxing day every year with my cousins. She just came with her signature lemon pie - that made us all happy!

I think it’s fine to do just buy for your DC. My only YABU is that you seem to have waited till someone already bought your child a gift before you said anything. It’s pretty common to buy your Neices/Nephews Christmas gifts so if you weren’t planning on getting them something you probably should’ve given everyone a heads up a while ago.

Edit - sorry, just realised she hasn’t actually bought it. In which case you are def not being unreasonable!

We don't do Christmas presents for anyone else but our own dc, we just do birthdays instead.

The extended family collectively agreed a few years ago that it was unnecessary stress and expense when we could just all relax and have fun together on Christmas day instead.

I know it seems to be the MN way but I find it very odd that people actually send their demands for presents, unasked for. We might have asked others for suggestions for their children and responded when asked about our children but I think it's incredibly rude to tell people what they should be buying.