Is it wrong for only to get my own child Christmas presents

[Blessedone1111]

My mum is saying it’s wrong I’m not getting others presents and if I was her sister in law she would think I’m out of order for not buying her children presents. I can afford to save money to get my own child presents but I really can’t afford outside of that without going without or taking from my emergency money.

why can’t Christmas just be enjoyed celebrating with family. Why do we have to buy lots of gifts.

Am I being unreasonable? I would rather we see eachother then buy eachother gifts

What do you mean she has sent a gift it is November ?

@Coffeeishot she has sent a screen shot of a gift she wants to buy my daughter. I’ve told her I’m not doing individual gifts as it gets expensive and please don’t get anything.

So you have 1 kid and your brother has 5 obviously its unreasonable to expect you to spend £40 on each thats £200 when they're only spending £40 on yours. You need to communicate with your sil and either decide not to do presents or do small token gifts.

Your Christmas will be thoroughly unpleasant and joyless on the basis of this carry-on in early November

@youalright no I have a large family 5 is between my siblings and my brother partner has her own two children from another relationship. So technically 7 children including them

YANBU. I had the same. What my sister (who has 4 DC), and others forgot to take in to account is is for every £1 she spent on my child's gift I was expected to spend £4 just to so each child got the same amount. I finally put a stop to all that nonsense when it was suggested (by her), that we spend £20 per gift per child.

Ah right sorry, I get you now if she hasn't bought it yet it is fine to say no if you can't afford presents. I do think a token gift for kids is a nice idea but you don't have the budget just tell her now stay firm.

If you wanted to do something as unusual as buying your nieces gifts when you will be spending Christmas with them, then you had a responsibility to bring it up first. It does seem a bit mean of you to want to do nothing for them tbh. You could have said two months ago that you couldn’t afford to spend much on presents so could everyone just stick to a £10 present or a selection box for the children.

It is fair for you to want to keep the cost down as much as possible, or if you genuinely couldn’t stretch to token presents for your nieces then to ask not to do presents. But the way you’ve gone about this is to make a decision that will affect other people’s Christmas planning, choose not to tell them, and then act offended when they didn’t automatically realise that you’d want to go against the established norm of giving children presents at Christmas.

@Coffeeishot yh I suggested all chipping in for stockings for the kids with sweets and drawing pads . But it wasn’t accepted, now I’m stressed as I really can’t keep up with what my siblings are going to buy

My aunt has five boys, growing up my mum would always buy them a board game they could enjoy together and a box of biscuits.
You should really have said firmly that younarent doing presents this year well in advance to save all the awkwardness, but something like a shared present might be good as an alternaitve seeing as she has already got them something.
Can you call her to explain? I would do that.

Spending £40 for each of five children would be ludicrous! Are they all from the same SIL?

If she’s spending £40 on your one dd can you afford £40 in total for her kids?

Sorry hadn’t seen this!

Why not suggest a secret Santa where everyone in the family buys for 1 other person

Please do not get into debt trying to get more presents than you can afford.

Send your siblings a message saying you cannot afford to buy gifts for anyone this year except for your daughter to make it absolutely clear.

Your 'presence' is the only 'present' needed at Christmas.
It's meant to be about family and togetherness, not spending.

YANBU. Personally, I really don’t do the whole gift giving thing outside of close family. I only buy presents for my partner, his mum, my mum, and obviously our kids. For example I always skip work gift exchanges or putting money in for someone’s birthday. In terms of family or friends kids presents, they often just get duplicate toys because they got everything. It just feels like throwing money away. Most people already have everything, and half the time the stuff ends up donated, regifted, or shoved in a cupboard. Life is so expensive, I much prefer to save up that money and go somewhere nice or spend it on my own family.
I would rather keep it simple and meaningful with people who matter the most.

Does your sil expect you to reciprocate in kind? Maybe because she knows you can't afford a lot she'd like to treat your daughter.

As long as you've been clear you can't afford to spend that kind of money on them and won't, what they spend is their decision.

I think you just need to be transparent with your SIL. In your shoes, I’d buy them each a £1 selection box but explain in advance to SIL, just say you don’t have the money for more.

I would get something small for the nieces and nephews.

But I agree. Christmas should not be about Stuff. It should be about lights and cheer and friends and goodwill

Please don't go and give yourself an ulcer or skint yourself for Christmas that's not what Christmas is supposed to be about and honestly you're mum should be ashamed of herself making you feel that way.

You can tell you really care about your family and that should always be more important than the money you spend.

If you want to get the children something without breaking the bank getting a family game you can all play and some sweets and popcorn would be a lovely idea or make up some jars with cookie mixes in,a little cookie cutter attached to the front of the jar with the cooking instructions,you can do the jars for about £3 each,honestly a lot of children love the time and attention that's given to them.

I think if you are not getting her kids anything, and she doesn't get anything for your child, then it's fine!
If she has bought already, can she return it?
But makes a lot more sense to get token gifts for the kids I think in any case.

I suspect it’s the size of present to own child compared to nothing for everyone else.
I suggest people put cash towards a big ticket item I’m planning to get rather than individual presents that aren’t really wanted and I use money I would save on their kids.

I don’t think your dm should voice an opinion

its up to you. It’s unfair if you can’t afford the gifts.

Yanbu. It’s very normal in my family among my siblings to say, money is tight this year can we not buy for each other/the kids, and that’s as dramatic as it gets. It’s rude and tone-deaf of the sibling trying to force a £40 gift on your child - and stressful, because gifts should be pleasant.

I don’t know what you can do other than be really direct with them all.