Is it wrong for only to get my own child Christmas presents

[Blessedone1111]

My mum is saying it’s wrong I’m not getting others presents and if I was her sister in law she would think I’m out of order for not buying her children presents. I can afford to save money to get my own child presents but I really can’t afford outside of that without going without or taking from my emergency money.

why can’t Christmas just be enjoyed celebrating with family. Why do we have to buy lots of gifts.

Am I being unreasonable? I would rather we see eachother then buy eachother gifts

You are absolutely not being rude. The amount of shite that gets gifted at Christmas borders on is vulgar and no kid will remember the stuff. What they will remember are happy times.

It's too late now, but you really should have got in first. My brother was (probably still is) in your financial position, so pretty much as soon as summer ended a few years ago, he asked if we could not exchange Christmas presents that year, and we've continued that.

If I'm honest, I was sad because I'd have liked to have bought for him, his wife and step kids, without then getting anything for us. They deserved gifts. But I soon recognised that it would have been patronising, and respecting his feelings was more important.

I think if you are going to see nieces and nephews at Christmas then you should give them gifts. They could be handmade, second hand, or even a bag of chocolate coins. They don't need to be expensive or match the budget your siblings are spending.

It's so stressful. I think you need to tell them all you cannot give any gifts.

I had a friend with 3 DC when I only had my DS. So for every £1 she spent on him I was spending £3. I knocked it on the head when she gave him a tin of chocolates one year.

If that was in a message, I wonder if your mum or SIL misread the your tone? Messaging is terrible for that.

Maybe you could still say something along the lines of :
"it's so generous of you to think about buying that gift for DD, and I really appreciate it, but I really can't reciprocate at that level for the seven children in the family. I can only really provide a token gift for each this year, so though I'm not dictating what others should do, I'm happy to not have a present, and DD would also be happy with just a small token to unwrap"

Just make your message warm and appreciative so that it can't be spun differently.

You do not have to keep up with anyone. But I think it would be perfectly reasonable to say that your budget for children’s gifts is no more than, say, £10. If others want to spend more, that is very lovely and generous, but you don’t expect them to.

Emergencies? Real things like broken boilers or cars. Not Christmas presents for other people’s children.

no you cant afford 40 qud a child thats ridiculous

i dont spend that on my niece

Can you just be really open and honest with your family and let them know that due to cost of living increases you can only afford to buy a main gift for your own DD this year? Explain that you’re really sorry but there is just no spare money at all and you’ve only been suggesting cheap options as you can’t afford to reciprocate any gifts, unless cheap token gifts. I know if I was in this situation my family would want to help and be supportive x

You shouldn’t spend money on presents that you can’t afford, I would get nominal presents ie a selection box.
Like someone else has said I would look on fb market place for a bike, we picked up one that had hardly been used, not a scratch on it for less than 1/3 of what it was still costing in the shops.
Gave it a wash, stuck a giant bow on it and it looked brand new.
I have a limit of £20 max for nieces and nephews, I have 6 in total. I buy throughout the year though so by the time Christmas and birthdays come around I have a stash of presents.

That doesn't make her unreasonable. It's very early to have received a Christmas present. I would not have been expecting something yet.

far too much

i spend about £20 on my nephews but I think £5 is fine or a joint gift for families

also your family should be helping at Christmas not just you

your dm sounds awful and controlling

What have you done in previous years? Do you normally buy for nephews and nieces? If so, it is late to only just say that you aren’t this year?

My DC are teenagers and have never had brand new bikes. Always bought off FB marketplace, off friends or handed down to each other. Bought accessories as extra little gives, like a helmet, basket and bell. Once cleaned and polished bikes can look like new.

For DNs you could get a book bundle from the works, some fluffy socks, bath bomb and chocolate. For the babies get a first Christmas book or tree ornament. I have 10 nieces and nephews, I stop buying after age 21. When we had less money I’d buy bits through the year for them and my own kids in the sales, so nice things but a lot cheaper.

Not really! I enjoy buying presents but that really doesn't have to be how Xmas is for everyone! Not least if you don't have the money.

For the last couple of years and this year as well I had to tell my sisters that I just couldn't afford to get their kids anything for Xmas. Thankfully they understand my financial situation and they still buy my ds something even though I told them it wasn't expected as I couldn't reciprocate. If your family can't understand that you just can't afford it then that's on them. Don't let them make you feel bad

She hasn’t received it yet. My comment was in reference to leaving it so close to Christmas that people have already started shopping. However, I misread it originally and thought the person had paid for it already, turns out they were just sending ideas over.

That being said, if I was spending Christmas with my family. The minute I made the arrangements I would say mention that I’d prefer it if we didn’t exchange gifts this year.

In this situation I send a message to the family WhatsApp chat (or similar) saying that I’m only getting gifts for kids this year or we are just doing a small present like a selection box.

Can be a bit embarrassing saying it first but saves loads of hassle further down the line.

I opted out of all gift buying apart from my DC, parents and DH about 25 years ago and have never looked back. I found the time to tell people is July or August when they really aren’t thinking about Christmas.

My DB has 5 kids and doesn’t expect anything really as I’m a single parent. Doesn’t matter so much now but when all DC were younger he’d spend about £30 each on my 2 DC and told me that he didn’t want me spending more than £10 on each of his (so equal family value) but that it didn’t really matter of if I didn’t get them anything as they’d get enough. He didn’t want me stressing about money! So speak to SIL and just split the £40 between her dc (of you can afford to). Head over to the Christmas bargain thread and get some BF deals. Or suggest a secret santa with gifts of £10 or £5.

Firstly it's wrong that so much pressure is put on people. For what should be a happy time.i would just get selection boxes or something small.Do tell them we'll in advance though.

You have made your position clear and that should be respected. You are living within your means which should be applauded, especially setting such a good example to your child.
The only thing I can think of is whether there is a craft/skill you are particularly good at that takes time rather than finance to share. Or invite the child over for a play/sleepover and play games with them/have a movie and popcorn night. You sort of get the idea. I loved time with my aunts when I was young and now adore my nieces (often give 'time' presents to them, which they love) and my children adore their aunts and uncles....

I think you need to clearly communicate what you need to do. My hubby's family is 8 adults and 5 kids and we do a Secret Santa with a £10 limit round the adults (so each adult buys 1 present of about £10 for a named person). For the kids we each contribute either £10 so that each kid gets a £16 present.

You don’t have to keep up with them, as long as you tell them you can’t afford to reciprocate and will either be doing token gifts or no gifts then you’ve done your part. If they want to spend on your child knowing this then that is their decision to make, some people like to give gifts to make people happy and not with the expectation of receiving back.