Is it wrong for only to get my own child Christmas presents

[Blessedone1111]

My mum is saying it’s wrong I’m not getting others presents and if I was her sister in law she would think I’m out of order for not buying her children presents. I can afford to save money to get my own child presents but I really can’t afford outside of that without going without or taking from my emergency money.

why can’t Christmas just be enjoyed celebrating with family. Why do we have to buy lots of gifts.

Am I being unreasonable? I would rather we see eachother then buy eachother gifts

As long as you tell people not to buy for your daughter too. They might have already started shopping so tell them ASAP.

My thoughts were exactly the same. We would often get an annual and a selection box from aunts & uncles and loved it. Probably costing the equivalent of £10 today…the annuals were never duplicated, so the adults must have had conversations in advance of Christmas. Most children are easily satisfied and won’t think about the cost.
OP, please stand your ground with your mother…it has damn all to do with her and I and many others agree with your sensible stance.

There is nothing wrong with not buying, full stop.

Emergency money ? It's Christmas. Get them selection boxes and a toy.

Your mum needs to learn to shut her mouth about how you manage your finances for your family.

This 💯

No point in over spending on presents that'll end up forgotten about few weeks later.... a day trip somewhere fun & shared together would be a great idea... the pressure to spend money during Xmas can be so overwhelming & it takes the joy out of it...Even agree to a budget & do a family kiddies secret santa?

Would you suggest doing a secret santa amongst the kids? Saves buying for everyone but they still have something to open.

Yes emergency money if you have children and have money to spend 40,00 on other peoples at Xmas but don’t have emergency money then your priorities are wrong !

You’re making out you’re some kind of Cinderella OP.

You are a parent. Set your child a half decent example and don’t martyr yourself so pathetically.

There isn't no, I don't understand why you picked my post to quote ?

Yeah and never mind having the money to get the boiler fixed should it breakdown...other people's DC's getting gifts from you are far more important than making sure your own DC are warm.

I would hate anyone to go into debt for me OP. Whilst I cannot bear stingy people, this is nothing like that. You are clearly a warm and loving family member who helps a lot on Christmas day and it is absolutely not your fault that you cannot afford gifts.

It is fine to give nothing. If that makes you feel awkward, and only if, maybe you could make some cupcakes with some cheap Christmas cake toppers or just sparkly sprinkles. I would definitely prefer that over some random toiletries gift set or posh chocolates I don’t like!

Just say upfront im not getting gifts for whoever and Idont expect you to buy for my child.

Buy you kids what they want avoid the tat and family that zap the joy out of life.

If you cant afford it you cant afford it.

Maybe just a token present like a selection box for the other children.

Honestly it doesnt have to be all about presents.

You need to get something, like a selection box for each child. You also need to be brutally honest about why, which I know is not very British but is the only way to avoid offence.

You absolutely do not have to spend £40 on a gift for nieces and nephews. It's ok not to buy anyone other than your own children gifts, but it's better if you can buy a small gift, like a book or something. And ask for your children to get something to that value instead of something expensive. Christmas gifts are often a waste anyway - children latch on to one or two of them and forget about the rest.

Just send a group text

Hello everyone
Im really skint this year so wont be buying presents for anyone.
So please dont buy for us
Thank you

Why is that so hard?

Why does the OP have to buy for the other seven children????

She most certainly does not

Another vote for just letting them know you can’t afford to buy for everyone. Or can you give an experience instead - maybe a day out next summer to a theme park to give you time to save. I hate saying that but it’s an option if you really want to give them a present. You can give them a voucher for Christmas telling them what you’re getting them x x

Giving is the pleasure. For my many years I had more money than some of my relatives, I gave presents, but never expected anything in return, anything I wanted i could have just gone out and bought for myself.

I would try and get them something small but you do not have to match their £40 gift! My brother rarely remembers my kids birthday and when he does he spends about a tenner it doesn’t change what I get for my nephew - even if he said “let’s not do gifts” I would still get my nephew something small! My BIL in contrast always spends about £50 on my daughter for her birthday and christmas, I tend to spend £25-30 on his kids as he has two and one has a birthday shortly before Xmas so it would be a lot to match his spend.

If it was me I would buy them all a book, selection box or something similar and wait until Black Friday when you can get good deals. Also places like The Works do 2 for £12 or 3 for £15 things so you could spend a fiver each per kid and get something nice. We have a relative who usually gets presents from The Works and our kid is just as ecstatic as the stuff from BIL, little kids in particular don’t really think about what things cost!

If you're hard pushed for cash concentrate on your own child. What about a book or jammies or a selection box for nieces and nephews if you're got money spare ( I'm assuming it's budget that's pushing this conversation?)

Hey op do you have 70 pounds to spend on them? If you get them something for 10 each this is doable if you haven’t put on the WhatsApp or text them individually just say I really don’t have the money to do kids gifts this year. I want to get my dd a bike and it will leave me in debt if I get 7 kids a gift. I also obviously don’t expect anything for my dd. I hope you understand. If you do presents at mums you would need them to do it before you arrive as your dd will be devastated watching all the kids getting gifts and she doesn’t.

im sure you can sort some type of gift for the sake of the agro and bad feeling of giving nothing. Loads of cheap ideas on the internet. What about making one of those hot chocolate kit in a jar thing ? Would cost all of a few pounds but look quite fab