Is it wrong for only to get my own child Christmas presents

[Blessedone1111]

My mum is saying it’s wrong I’m not getting others presents and if I was her sister in law she would think I’m out of order for not buying her children presents. I can afford to save money to get my own child presents but I really can’t afford outside of that without going without or taking from my emergency money.

why can’t Christmas just be enjoyed celebrating with family. Why do we have to buy lots of gifts.

Am I being unreasonable? I would rather we see eachother then buy eachother gifts

Of course Christmas is about presents
for children!

Do you do presents for the adults? I would drop that before presents for the kids (who are your child’s cousins).

And then buy within your means.

You have a whole year to gather inexpensive items or make things to gift to the children in your family.

Gifts don’t have to be expensive.

What a pious comment.

I remember one year our manager at work challenged us to only buy presents from charity shops. I have bought lovely family games etc from them whikst supporting my favourite charities

Sensible comment especially with the way the cost of living has rocketed

Selection boxes/ annuals would do the job!

What is the 'emergency money' for?

Like PP I think it’s absolutely fine to say you can’t afford to get your nieces gifts so please don’t get one for your daughter.

Sounds like you have said that but it’s being ignored?? Is that right?

Maybe you need to be even more blunt, something like, “I’m worried that if you get DD a gift and I haven’t got anything for nieces it might upset them. Please can we agree that you don’t get DD a gift, as I can’t afford to buy for all the kids?”

I’m not sure your suggestion about stocking fillers has been fully understood.??

I say well done to you for being responsible and seeing Christmas as a family time, not a gift-grabbing time. All over the world, people get into debt they can never return from, buying gifts for ungrateful so-and-so's.

You are doing entirely the right thing!

People should be able to say, 'I can't afford family-wide gifts' and not be made to feel bad. Well done to you, and stick to your guns! x

But the 7 children haven't just appeared this year, what have the siblings done re presents for each others children in previous years?

So you are spending Christmas as a family members home?

Honestly it would be rude to bring a big present for your daughter and nothing for everyone else (especially the other children).

If you can bring a small present for all the children that would be better, and leave your daughters bike at home to give before or after.

I have no suggestions really it does sound stressful i would maybe do stockings for the family kids this year and just give them out, it doesn't actually matter what your mum and Sil think of your gifts.

If you are skint you can buy cheap charity shop items, or handmake items, but you really can’t turn up empty handed to Christmas at someone else’s house.

Otherwise I would just sit Christmas out and spend it with just your daughter.

This.

I would get them each a big pack of their favourite sweets, and a token gift depending on age.

I think it's unreasonable for you to have to buy for five children when SIL only buys for one. But then I've spent my life buying for other rellies' kids when I'm childless, so I'm a bit biased.😁

christmas will be at my mums as usual. Last year I cooked and cleaned up while everyone was in the living room. Both my brothers had children similar time so there are two extra children this Christmas lol. One of my brothers earns good money and his partner who just had a little one likes to go all out. This is the SIL buying the expensive gifts. I don’t blame her for getting excited it just gets stressful as I don’t want to get a crap gift for the kids when they are getting big ones

If CD will be at your mum's, where will kids be opening presents?

If they've already opened some at home I wouldn't have thought they all need stuff at GM's to open too?

Perhaps every parent could leave say a selection box at GM's to be opened instead?

I can’t imagine what mother would say this to her daughter without even considering her financial position. Easy to say you are rude when it’s not her money.

Stick to your guns.

You can't afford any more presents.

Your mum is nasty.

I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest this at all, especially if you have lots to buy for, however I think this discussion should have taken place earlier in case others have already bought things. Also if they are younger, won't it be a little bit miserable having nothing to open from their auntie and cousins? I would perhaps suggest you talk about setting a budget, maybe a book from the works as a token gift to unwrap.

YANBU and it's very hard to stand your ground on this. It's one thing to say do this or do that which might be fine for one or two, but for five children probably not. Your daughter is rightly your priority and you wouldn't be able to prioritise her in the way you want of your pot was smaller.

You've got quite a big family by the sounds of things? At least 5 niblings, did you say, or maybe more? Many of us only have a couple of nieces etc to buy for, but I had a big family that I saw at Christmas, I'd probably talk with the parents and try to agree that we only bought small gifts, like chocolates as others have suggested. I'd probably say this for all birthdays etc, maybe with some exceptions for "big" birthdays that had large parties.

@Blessedone1111 I don’t think you need to worry that a cheaper smaller present is necessarily a worse present. Children don’t tend to think like that, I think.

Perhaps if you start a thread with the ages and sexes of the children and what you can afford, MNers could help out with suggestions? For example, DD is very into colouring in. That doesn’t have to be expensive.

Incidentally, I got a couple of real bargains on kids’ bikes on FB Marketplace a few years ago. They saw the ones they wanted in a shop, and I was able to get exactly the same ones, looking brand new, for something like £10 each. Might be handy if you’re on a budget.

You could be me, OP.
I remember saying exactly the same to my DM.
We were going through a very tough patch, and DH was out of work, so we had very little money.
However, she showed me how it was possible to buy 'little' gifts for each nephew and niece especially if done well in advance.
The little gifts included items from craft fairs, but obviously not second hand tat.
My DM spent a lot of time buying the items for me to give the various relatives. I felt humbled, and tried my best in following years.
At that time, we were not given a 'list' (or link) to buy something of 40.00 etc, but I think (depending on age) it was nice of the children to have a little gift. (if I expected to see them over Christmas).