Petty issue now a big issue, because he swore on my deathbed

[ILoveHolidaysAbroad]

We had an anniversary recently. I bought my gift for him well in advance. He went to Asda on the day and clobbered together a gift bag of stuff. All nice enough, but I did mention it was a bit late in the day. One of the gifts was pyjamas. He swore they'd been in his boot for a week. I raised and eyebrow and he swore on my deathbed. Well, today I have found the receipt in the bottom of a bag and he was lying, he did buy them on the day. I now care more about the lying than the fact he bought stuff on the day. Would this bother anyone else?

You genuinely can’t see that your husband’s was a white lie then, in that sense, to spare your feelings?

It’s a drama over nothing OP, let it go. He lied about the day he bought some bloody pj’s, it’s not quite death row material😂

You can't be serious?!

'He went to Asda on the day and clobbered together a gift bag of stuff. All nice enough but a bit late in the day.'

What time of day would you have preferred, exactly? 1pm? 2?

I would never buy you a thing again. Ever.

The swearing thing is irrelevant. He is a person beaten down by negativity and has given up caring.

He cannot "swear on your deathbed" because you are not on your deathbed- and if you were you would have bigger things to worry about than your pyjamas.
Who does all this swearing on lives and deathbeds anyway?
Been with my husband 40 years married for 26. Every anniversary from him a bunch of roses and a bottle of prosecco (which I am not wild on). I get him all sorts of different stuff.
But who frankly cares?
We are celebrating being together and loving each other- the rest is just stuff.

Oh God. Get some therapy?

People lie. Your sibling lied, your ex lied, your dp lied. It’s not a good thing, ever. But it’s also what humans do. You’re going to have to come up with a better way to handle it than causing a three- act drama.

The swearing on people’s kids, deathbeds, all that - it’s bollocks, kids stuff. Tbh it usually means people are more likely to be lying, because they’re feeling under pressure- it’s a tell.

What happened? He got an anniversary present at the last minute. You started questioning him about it. Why? Quite obvious what happened. Is he good at presents? Maybe have a conversation about just going out together and not doing presents - or a conversation generally about your expectations of each other, what really matters, to both of you.

IME usually means they are a liar.

Most people state things or show proof.

I have to admit lying can be a bit of a red flag to me - but honestly I think you were looking for an argument - why does it matter when it was bought.

You are actually not happy about lack of thought and effort - say that after saying thank you - in a wish you made a bit more effor or be clear in wants next time and don't pick fights for the sake of it.

If you're on your deathbed, which I doubt, you have other, bigger problems.

Swearing on someone's life/deathbed has always seemed icky to me my ex husband tried Swearing on our babies life once I flipped and told him swear on your own if you must but dont bring the kids into it! At that point I realised just how big a deal my childhood had made this! Anyway now he is gone no-one swears on anything your word is your word that's good enough here

And lying is wrong he is being really stupid lying about petty things that dont matter if he was too busy to shop earlier he was too busy and that should be understood

Lying with ease would put me off too

Exactly!

Trust broken. Irreparable. Divorce time

I don't know why everyone is saying let it go? No need for an argument, that time is passed. I would mention you seen receipt and actual date of purchase. If he goes off on one you don't have to join him, but you can make it clear you know he's lied for no reason to you, and that does erode people trust.

In the words of House MD - 'Everyone lies' 😊

Oh, and the childish swearing on YOUR life has to stop? He knows he's lying and probably why he won't swear on his life, as if it matters

This.

Does it really matter?

MN is a chat website, it's not solely for your biggest problem.

You are being rude. No ones forcing you to be on MN or open threads.

behave

@ILoveHolidaysAbroad

We'd be having words about him lying, well I suppose I'd be having words, lots of them. But they'd have been had long before now, long before he became DH.

tell me the truth I'll take it on the chin, lie to me & this is going nowhere.

nipping to Asda to buy random stuff doesn't exactly scream 'happy wedding anniversary' does it?

id rather just have a nice card, but i don't suppose he excels at that either.

Only apparently when and where your anniversary present was bought isn’t a stupid little thing to you.

How have you managed to be with two men who "swear on you deathbed"? Swearing on someone's life is something I haven't heard since school. Is it something you ask people to do?

Lying is a terrible trigger for me too, even white lies, but I wouldn't ever be asking someone about the date they purchsed my prpresent. You set the lie up and he told you what you wanted to hear.

I honestly have far more important things to worry about than some meaningless words and a little white lie.

Honestly op, if you are going to get this het up about something so relatively minor, then god help you when your marriage hits a big bump.

Blimey there are some low standards on this thread - as well as some people who are (possibly deliberately) putting the boot in to the OP for having standards.
OP, I'm with you. Last minute-present: not an issue particularly, although the lack of thought would be a bit hurtful but not a deal-breaker.
You didn't actively search out the receipt to catch him out, so all those picking on you for that should pipe down.
But yes, it's the outright (and unnecessary) lie that would anger/upset me. I hate lying with a passion; I never lie myself (beyond the odd white lie, possibly) and in 30+ years of marriage, I have never seen/witnessed dh do it either.
But, for the record, as a general rule in life, anyone who swears on someone else's life is invariably lying. Have seen it play out countless times over the years

Yes he lied but it was only over pyjamas not something like an affair.
Swearing on your life is just words/an expression
He also didn’t swear on your life, he swore on your bed 🤨

I don’t like to swear on people’s lives, it seems like tempting fate. Like picking up a penny, or walking under a ladder, or throwing salt over your shoulder. I would be extra annoyed my husband swore on MY life about a lie, he should have sworn on his own life.

I know it’s not really going to cause anyone’s death, but I’m with you OP, he should have risked the bad luck himself, instead of you. I would be annoyed too.

But it was a lie to spare your feelings. He didn’t want you to feel “less-than” because he hadn’t had time to put something together that was more thoughtful. The fact this even came up sounds like you were interrogating him over it.

If you just found a bunch of receipts in the bottom of a bag, you would have had to deliberately scour them to find the date of purchase. If I knew the pyjamas were from Asda, I would have just thrown the Asda receipt away as I was always taught it’s bad form to check how much gifts cost etc. You wanted this to be an issue, so now it is.

It's nonsense to start with. What does "swearing on your life/deathbed" even mean?

I didn't see how long you've been together but did you not already know that he was a liar? My ex used to lie like a 6 year old to his mother (me). Tiny stuff that wouldn't have mattered, did you use the last of the Paracetemols ....To bigger stuff, he went through lots of jobs each time with a story about unfairness or having been misled about what the job was.

I tried to think that he thought lying didn't matter, an early adopter of "my truth" until one day I told him I was going shopping, met a friend and went to the pub instead. No big deal, but when I got home he was furious and accused me of lying, presumably for saying I was going shopping.

If they lie about small things it doesn't mean they won't lie about big things, it just means they will lie about anything. He also stole from my purse (back in the cash days) and tried to say it must have been our child.

I repeatedly asked him to cancel the milk, as we are going away. He says he has. But has he? You know what I mean?! This is not the first "white" lie of his. It's only ever about small stuff, but I just want to be told the truth. It's not hard!

I’d be cancelling the life insurance just in case.