Petty issue now a big issue, because he swore on my deathbed

[ILoveHolidaysAbroad]

We had an anniversary recently. I bought my gift for him well in advance. He went to Asda on the day and clobbered together a gift bag of stuff. All nice enough, but I did mention it was a bit late in the day. One of the gifts was pyjamas. He swore they'd been in his boot for a week. I raised and eyebrow and he swore on my deathbed. Well, today I have found the receipt in the bottom of a bag and he was lying, he did buy them on the day. I now care more about the lying than the fact he bought stuff on the day. Would this bother anyone else?

How can he swear on your deathbed? He should be swearing on his own?

#missingthepoint

My take on this situation is it seems unlikely the DH offered up that slightly strange sworn assurance unprompted. Could it be that he was told to ‘swear on [OP’s] deathbed’ under duress, by the very person who appears to feel this issue is tantamount to a matter of life and death?

I can’t believe as an adult you are actually using the term “swear on deathbed “ . I just feel like there is more to this, if he felt the need to lie over something so silly and inconsequential it says something about you as well as him.

Wouldn’t bother me at all! It’s just words. 😊

Feel a bit mean for typing this as I see the OP had previous bad experiences which shaped her approach. Sorry!

This! Just try being appreciative of the fact that you got anniversary gifts - in the plural - on your anniversary. It sounds as though you created an unpleasant drama.

Maybe look at why he feels the need to lie.

"All nice enough, but I did mention it was a bit late in the day. "
"I raised an eyebrow "

Are you always looking for fault?

I'm most disappointed that you aren't a ghost posting to complain about your DH swearing whilst you were dying.

You would be unreasonable not to haunt him for that!

You forced him into a corner by making a big deal about the timing of a gift rather than expressing gratitude for the gift. Lesson learnt by you hopefully! I’d ask yourself what it is about you that makes him feel he has to lie, rather than being annoyed at him for lying!

Just accept he will always lie when he is cornered. Not an attractive trait.

He told a “white lie” to “spare your feelings” because you were rude enough to badger him over when he bought the gifts. But you didn’t leave it, you kept on at him about it forcing him to promise the date he bought them. And now you feel smug because you can prove he lied. Can’t you see how much hard work you are? I assume you’re actively trying to ruin your relationship?

Yes because it’s an absolutely pointless thing to say.

He obviously didn’t want to look like it was a last minute decision just say hey if your going to lie to me try not leaving the evidence behind when he says what just say receipt was in the bag so now we both know and ask him does he have the ability to lie to your face with other things. See how he responds lying is crap but he didn’t want you to say I knew it was last minute.

Swearing 'on' anything, whether their life, the kids' lives, on a four leaf clover or a deathbed means 'I AM LYING TO YOU'.

The only time that is different is when there's a holy book, a court official, a judge, a couple of solicitors, two KCs and 12 members of the public across the way. And then it's still 50:50.

Falling out with somebody because you made them double triple swear, on your deathbed, no returns and no backsies, sounds like something a pair of 8 year olds would do.

If that is the level your relationship is at, I’d just break up and find an adult to go out with instead.

Some of us were raised with the belief it did something hence me never saying it im an adult I know that it is meaningless but there is forever an inner child that won't let the words out "just in case" (yes i had an abusive childhood)

Yes, his lies will come back and bite him on the bum!

Pyjama
Drama
Karma

Bet he not like it if you swore on his life!

I’m honestly exhausted just reading your replies @ILoveHolidaysAbroad
if you don’t trust him then separate
this is no way to live for either of you .

He bought you a gift and you questioned it. Ungrateful is what you are. You didn't deserve it.
I don't blame him for lying about it. You sound like you were gunning for an argument regardless of what he bought you or when he bought it.

Sorry, but is there ANY point swearing on someone's life about a pyjama purchase date and the other person then checking?
How odd.

It's creepy lying like that. And not planning gifts is hurtful. I would let him know what you want in advance in future. But the lying is creepy.

Back in the day. Swearing on your death bed..Although it sounds like a contradiction..

Was used as a mark of honour, loyalty, respect and honesty to show that they were telling the truth. It was like an oath or bond not to be broken by decent people.

Of course it was used by.liars and the unscrupulous . But if found out they were usually shunned.

A pair of pyjamas is not a.huge thing but lying is.
.
But he was disrespectful and hurtful towards you on your birthday.

How about using the pyjamas to set alight a bonfire on the back garden?

Why ask this on a forum? Lying is clearly an issue for you and that’s absolutely fine. Others might say they don’t care about “inconsequential” lying and that’s fine for them. You won’t persuade them and they won’t persuade you. If it’s an issue for you it’s an issue for you and you need to decide how big an issue you make of it with your partner.

Once a liar always a liar. That’s a red flag right there my lovely