To change DDs school as I don’t like the culture at her current school

[Erolly]

This might read a little controversial and this isn’t an attack on these families but more just a misalignment in priorities.
My DD is 4 she’s just started reception at an all girls prep, we really loved the school prior to her starting, solid leavers destinations without feeling too pushy, nice mixed curriculum etc.
My DS is at a co-ed he’s 7, we decided not to send DD to the same school as we actually thought the all girls was a better fit for DD.
Now we are a half term in and I’m really struggling with the culture at the school compared to DS’s. I’m going to generalise and of course not all of the families are like this or have all these traits but it’s just what I’ve noticed more generally.

1. Lots of SAHMs, all doing the school run in their alo or lululemon sets and rushing off for Pilates. I work full time, I have nothing in common with them and I’ve found them quite unwelcoming.
2. These little girls seem to do so many hobby’s, they are only 4 and every mum I’ve spoken to has told me how their child does Gymnastics and Ballet or Ballet and Tennis or stagecoach and horse riding etc. It reads as a little pushy to me and I’m feeling a lot of pressure to keep up with DD but we just don’t have the time.
3. The competitive birthday parties! Just in term one alone I’ve been to a party which had a 3 tier cake that probably cost more than my wedding cake, performers, someone doing face painting and someone else doing glitter tattoos. Another with massive balloon arches, all these custom cupcakes etc. I just know if this is what DD expects we won’t be able to keep up.
4. I think the parents must just have more access to money than at my DSs school, I constantly hear mums talking about 2 weeks in Mustique in April or whether Chamonix or Verbier are better for skiing etc. Again we just can’t keep up with this and I don’t want DD feeling like she is always less than her classmates.

Today I enquired at DSs school and they do actually have a place available in reception as they believe due to the VAT less parents took up places than normal in reception. I’m genuinely considering moving DD to join her brother. It would be practically easier and I just don’t know how much more of these mums I can take.

DH doesn’t mind either way but does worry that we’d be moving DD from somewhere she’s happy.

AIBU?

Base your decision on what is best for your daughter, perhaps considering if both your DC being at the same school would be a good thing. Not because the parents are a bunch of saddos with no concept of the real world.

None of the things you say are about the offering or features of the school itself.

Just slagging off the lifestyles of the other parents and their kids.

But anyway, change her to the other school. All girls pre puberty is not beneficial to socialising or development.

You're quite dismissive of your daughter's feelings about the school. You're coming over as prioritising yourself over her. What's wrong with taking how she feels about the school on board?

I would give anything to send my daughter to an all girls school and that's a fact.

I ( or rather my parents) didn't have to pay. .

Tbh the fact that others had more material stuff didn't mattress that much as ut was me who was top of class in everything except maths and music. We had termly exams with class positions in reports so not just my say so

@cottonwoolie

I don't think the OP has assumed they are wrong'uns. She doesn't feel like she fits in with them which ok.

I get this and that's legitimate, it's important not to feel totally out of step in your environment.

But if you unpack what her actual objections are, most of it seems to be based on superficial markers of wealth: they wear expensive gym wear, a lot of them appear not to work (or at least not to have to work) and they go on expensive holidays. None of this really tells you much about who they actually are.

I also think its quite a bad idea for kids to be told by their parents that they "don't fit in" because they're not wealthy enough. It makes the kids feel aware from the getgo that they can't succeed in an environment. It limits their horizons.

The DD might well decide she's not hugely academic or ambitious and choose another school when she's older, and that's fine. But surely that has to be her decision and not one the mum has made for her, aged four, on the basis that the mum feels intimidated by other mums' choice of gym wear.

In its own way its as bad as telling a child it can't hang out with kids from the estate because their mums wear pyjamas at school dropoff or smoke fags at pick-up.

Sounds like you didn’t do any research- the first question should have been what % of the mums are working. Sounds awful and I’d move her asap before she is any more settled.

Because DD will pick these things up as she gets older. She will know she's the only one not doing after school clubs and going on exptic holidays and having 3k birhday parties. We know it shouldn't matter, but to kids those differences do (and obviously to OP too).

Honestly OP I'd move her sooner rather than later. Couch it in terms of practicality to anyone who asks, that you've had a change of heart on her being single sex educated for her entire schooling etc rather than her peers being too rich for you, but the sooner you move the sooner she'll resettle.

YABU

It seems like you have strong feelings about SAHMs, Land Rovers, and families with wealth ( a subjective term with varying definitions). You appear to dislike the idea of your children spending time with others from different social backgrounds or those who have more than you, which could send a concerning message to your kids about wealth and morality. It comes across as envy and jealousy.

You claim this isn’t an attack, but it feels like one.

You chose a prep school because you liked its look and admired the “solid leavers’ destinations,” but now you’re surprised to find that the parents who can afford it wear expensive clothes, go skiing, and pay for ballet. That’s not a moral failing—it’s just the demographic. Criticizing stay-at-home moms or those with more disposable income because their lives differ from yours seems unfair. Working full-time doesn’t inherently make someone more grounded, and doing Pilates doesn’t make someone shallow.The issue isn’t these families—it’s the expectation that private school life would feel “normal.”

You can’t join a prestigious environment and then resent the lifestyle of the people funding it. And as for the competitiveness you’re criticizing? It’s the same energy you’re projecting here—just framed as moral superiority instead of balloon arches.

“If you buy into the club, don’t get angry that the members dress the part.”

It sounds less like a “misalignment of priorities” and more like you’re discovering the exact culture that comes with the kind of prep school you deliberately chose. These parents aren’t doing anything unusual — they’re simply living the lifestyle that funds that environment. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s also not a moral flaw. Working full time doesn’t make your choices more authentic, just different. If the vibe isn’t for you, fair enough — but judging the people who fit it feels a bit like booking into a members’ club and then being shocked that everyone there acts like… members.

Move your child to the same school as your DS, or better still save your pennies and send them both to the local state primary school. With your strong parental support they will do fine.