To not want to babysit neighbours kids

[Nevaurs]

Earlier this year, my neighbour asked if I could watch her child who was off school sick while she did took the other one to school. I was starting work late that day so didn’t mind. During the school holidays she asked me another few times if I could come over to watch them for 30 minutes/an hour. Sometimes I had to say I can’t because I’m working but she seems to think that because I work from home, I can just leave. She says “can’t you just take a break?” Or “can’t you just bring your laptop and work from here?”

She has just been offered a part time job and told me that some of her shifts will be late and asked if I could come round to watch her kids when she does late shifts. I really really don’t want to do this. I don’t mind as much when it’s every now and again for half an hour or so but committing to giving up some of my evenings for hours to go and sit with someone’s kids isn’t something I’d like to do. However I feel like I’m being unreasonable as it will really help her out and it’s a kind thing to do so I am on the verge of saying yes even though I don’t really want to. How would other people feel? What would you say?

@MellersSmellers that is very lovely of you. I hope you will feel able to call on her to help you out in return. What starts out as a favour can easily get taken for granted and go unappreciated.

What's very sad in things like this, is how easily people are willing to hand their kids over to an almost complete unchecked stranger, who could invite all manner of people round whilst looking after the kids. This part really worries me, up and down the country how often is this happening where the neighbours say yes and something untoward happens.

Jesus wept, this is another case, (and I've seen loads this week) of people somehow feeling like just saying what works for them, and saying something TOTALLY reasonable, is not possible because of how someone else might feel about it. Yes obviously it will be annoying to her if you don't regularly babysit for free... so....Let her be annoyed, its absolutely not your problem at all. She can be as annoyed as she likes, still not your issue. Just tell her "no, sorry, I can't be available for this" you don't need to explain it or suggest alternative arrangements because this is not your issue, it's hers. Let her deal with it and don't be scared of her feelings, because her feelings are absolutely not your responsibility and never were.

Well done for saying No OP..

But I think the neighbour doesn't take no for an answer easily..
"She says “can’t you just take a break?”
Or “can’t you just bring your laptop and work from here?"”

A Classic "finding solutions to reasons why you can't do something" CF..
"I can't do it because.... "
" But surely you could just ..."

So if she does come back to you on that OP have some phrasing up your sleeve.
With most people "I can't commit to that" would be enough, but you might find her coming back saying , but could you just do xyz.
So you may be forced to get blunter and say
"I don't want to do it."

This may feel like you are being really rude, but I think its the person not taking no for an answer who is being rude.

And the pp who mentioned registered, insured childminder has a very good point.

100% no. This will only go one way and she'll just ask more and more...

I would just say that you are unable to make any regular commitments but that you are still happy to help out as and when you can on an add hoc basis.

You can say no and you do not have to explain yourself

Dead easy. Just Say No.
She is a cf

The fact she’s left you on read shows you’ve been used - I hope in some way that reassures you that your judgment was right. YANBU at all. You really don’t want to encourage this growing reliance on you.

Shes just trying it on! If you cant, you can't. Let her ask someone else! Nice of you to do her a favour before though, but this in no way means you are obliged to do it again, don't feel bad at all.

Careful, she's building entitlement!

She's taking advantage. I can't believe she asked you to look after a sick child. Child could have passed something on to you.

🤨😳 how cheeky.

Here is an object lesson in why you should never get too close to neighbours. I have always found it best to do the typically British thing of being "polite but distant" and very difficult to contact. Ring doorbells are your friend because you can always pretend to be away from home and snwering on the app.

"Oops your breaking up! Ill leave it with you."

Say no. Stick to it.

I'm glad you said no. No reason to tie yourself into a commitment with a neighbour (not even a friend). She's asking (and been taking) free childcare from you. She sounds very pushy - how dare she tell you to take a break or work from her house! I wouldn't be helping her out again unless she was truly desperate and not she needs to pop out for half an hour/hour. When one of her kids are ill has she explored asking another school parent to take them? Probably not as it's easy to get you to do it. Equally I wouldn't be happy having someone I don't know that well being alone with my DC for periods of time.

There were a couple of occasions, when I was little, that a neighbour sat with me when I was ill, but they didn't have a (paid) job.

I do wonder if some of these posts are actually true.

How utterly ridiculous, just say no you can't, get a babysitter. She could get a job you can do that works around her kids hours.

I wonder if some people enjoy being walked all over sometimes.

Right, you've said no-well done.

How was she asking you for these favours? I can't imagine she will stop easily, so think how you will manage this going forwards?

If it's rigging at the door-get a camera doorbell and don't answer it if you're her. If she repeatedly rings-call out of the window/text, you're on work calls all day and won't be coming to the door.

If it's a text-leave her on read.

If it a phone call-don't answer.

Hey op this is not your problem it’s her if she acting like a sulky child let her. Asking a neighbour for such a big commitment is really cheeky she asked you said no move on. You don’t owe her anything - parents have to work around there children it’s life!

Just say no op because it will become a regular thing and when then you can't do it you will be made out to be the bad guy.

Tell her no. And you are not an emergency contact either otherwise there will always be an emergency. What she was trying to do was sleep walk you into this.

Was this an option? I could have found a job with odd hours and just got my neighbour that I barely know to watch my DS. No childcare fees! As it was I did was every parent does, find a job in the day and pay for childcare.

I have learnt over the years …

”can you do me a favour?’…
my response - DEPENDS WHAT IT IS!

Please can you look after my kids every Thursday. ?
my response ‘SORRY I CAN NOT COMMIT TO ANYTHING ON A REGULAR BASIS.

Has she replied yet? Very telling that she read your response and didn’t respond!

OP if u agree to this you'll be committed until the kids are old enough to stay home alone! If you agree and try to back out after a few months your neighbour will say 'but I'll have to give up my job now'.

Tell her to employ a childminder, they are qualified and insured and you aren’t.

It's very different!
You could end up in a scenario where you want to do something one evening and then someone it seems as though you've inconvenienced her by not being able to do this regular favour. It's been very very kind of you to watch the child occasionally but that's all it needs to be. EVEN IF you were willing to do so, she should be offering you money to do so. Some people's recs are really well phrased along the lines of, I'm sorry that doesn't work me and my other commitments.