To not want to babysit neighbours kids

[Nevaurs]

Earlier this year, my neighbour asked if I could watch her child who was off school sick while she did took the other one to school. I was starting work late that day so didn’t mind. During the school holidays she asked me another few times if I could come over to watch them for 30 minutes/an hour. Sometimes I had to say I can’t because I’m working but she seems to think that because I work from home, I can just leave. She says “can’t you just take a break?” Or “can’t you just bring your laptop and work from here?”

She has just been offered a part time job and told me that some of her shifts will be late and asked if I could come round to watch her kids when she does late shifts. I really really don’t want to do this. I don’t mind as much when it’s every now and again for half an hour or so but committing to giving up some of my evenings for hours to go and sit with someone’s kids isn’t something I’d like to do. However I feel like I’m being unreasonable as it will really help her out and it’s a kind thing to do so I am on the verge of saying yes even though I don’t really want to. How would other people feel? What would you say?

Cheeky mare!!!! There’s a big difference between kindness and being taken for a mug. She has zero respect for you having no consideration for your wfh situation. You are working. I’m retired now but had my own business employing people wfh. I would have been furious if I found out they were childminding someone’s kids when they were supposedly working

No, I don't want to be your regular childcare.

You are very nice, OP, but really, you don't need your neighbour's validation. She wanted to use your time as her own, but you don't owe her anything and not do you need to justify yourself.

OP if you don't want to do the babysitting its ok to say no.
I was a people pleaser and decided on my 50th birthday that if I didn't want to do something then I would just say no.
I used to be someone who said yes to everything then stress myself out trying to think of a good excuse to get out of it....but no excuses are needed.

I had a new neighbour a good few years younger that me with two young children.She was looking for work and her husband worked shifts.
She started asking for the odd favour during the day.I said no sorry I work during the day.
Then she appeared on my door step and said she had taken on evening shift work and she knew I would help out and just sit on her sofa a few evenings a month while her husband was a late shift but he would be back by 1am.

I said sorry I can't agree to that.
She asked why and I said because I don't want to.
She said but I thought we were friends and I said yes we are but in totally different stages of life,my youngest child has just left home,I am no longer a taxi service for kids.If I want to go to bed at 9pm I can,if I want to sit on my own sofa with my husband and watch a movie I can.

Anyway didn't see much of her after that but problem solved.

She hasn't replied.
Two possibilities...she's pissed off and hasn't the social grace to say 'that's fine' or she's going to attempt to wangle you to say yes to a night or two anyway.
Don't budge.

Well done. It gets easier with practice / when people realise you’re not as soft as they thought.

Well done for saying no OP. People like her rely on others being people pleasers and finding it awkward to say no.

The more you do it, the easier it becomes!

No way its putting on you, I know it sounds hard but look after your own as it is escalating and might go further. Stop now as nicely as you can. I had it happen to me. Don't feel awful but look after you.

Good for you. The next time you say no it will be easier.

Saying no to something that would actually make your life more difficult is much better than being a people pleaser who won't set boundaries because they fear confrontation and they become more and more resentful as their life becomes more difficult.

Saying yes could put your at home job at risk. Many places want their workers, well, working. Multiple kids would make that extremely difficult. Also, do you need certifications and or insurance to provide child care? If one of their kids was injured, would you be liable? This was a huge and inappropriate ask from this woman and I'm glad you recognized that.

She's after free child care. You're not obligated to look after children just because you are neighbours. She needs to find and pay for a babysitter

No no no. I was in this position, a few lifts home from school here and there. Then before id realised Id become unpaid childminder, having to drive out my way, eating in to my own evenings. My own kiddo didn't enjoy it either.
It really started to grate.
Say firmly no. You have deadlines to meet or something. There are people who will be grateful for employment who will do this for her

UC will pay upto 85% of her childminding fees if she gets a registered childminder. You are not a free minding service! Tell her no, or tell her "Sure! My services start at £10.50 an hour, per child, but UC won't be able to help because I'm not registered."

Good for you in saying no @Nevaurs

Don't feel guilty about it either or try to work on that guilty feeling as in she won't really give a damn whether you feel bad or not...she was just pushing her luck and reaching out to anyone. It was nothing personal with her so it should be nothing personal when you just say no, as you have.

Think nothing more about it and distance yourself.

Just say no.

I think she already has said no but is feeling conflicted.

Just tell her sorry, but you cannot commit to regular childminding while she is at work, so for the children's sake she needs to arrange a regular carer to cover her shifts. It's not fair on you or the children for her to expect ad-hoc child care from you.

She's already said no.

Just because you're next door doesn't give her the right to expect this unless you were good friends and even then she's being a CF! My Mum used to babysit for next door when she was retired, mostly as a favour because they had become friends, but do it a couple of times and more is asked.

You're working, not an instant access babysitter. Do you have DC so you can ask her to look after them when you're busy?

Once you agree it will never end. Xx

OP, you sound like a really nice person, and I'm sorry you've been put in this awkward position. May I ask: were you brought up to think you must always say Yes when someone asks you a favour? I was, and it took me decades to realise that it's OK to say No. Please don't feel guilty about it.

Spot on! Xxx

My neighbour asked the same. Would I collect from school and entertain until 5.30 two days a week. I said I'll help her out, unpaid, one day per week only plus in emergencies but only in my own home. It's working out OK but now the pick-up time often slips, and she also asked if I'd do evening babysitting - which I said a definite No to.
My conclusion: Don't do it if you're not happy to. Negotiate your terms if you're open to it under certain conditions, but be prepared for the requests to grow if you offer anything.
Asking you to pop over when you're working from home is a complete No.

The answer is at the start of the thread, she’s a Neighbour, you don’t even call her a friend.
You were good enough to do her a favour and now she’s pushing it.
its a simple answer, No, your evenings are your own, end of.

Do not for one moment entertain the prospect of doing this. Your neighbour is a massive CF and her demands will only become more unreasonable.

Well done for saying no OP. As a massive people pleaser myself I know this sort of thing is difficult, but if you don’t say no it’ll be 100x worse to say no once you’ve started it.

No. She is an almighty cheeky fucker. Can't believe you would consider it. Why the fuck should you give up your evenings for free? How the hell does is make YOU unreasonable. What if you want to see a show or meet a friend or go away or you have had a shit day and want to curl up on the settee in your PJs and watch the telly or have a wild night of sex? You are going to give up your freedom to do all those things for what reason? Would you ask someone else to do that for you? No you wouldn't because you are not a piss taking cheeky fucker. What do you say? You say "No, I can't do that. I hope you find someone."