To not want to babysit neighbours kids

[Nevaurs]

Earlier this year, my neighbour asked if I could watch her child who was off school sick while she did took the other one to school. I was starting work late that day so didn’t mind. During the school holidays she asked me another few times if I could come over to watch them for 30 minutes/an hour. Sometimes I had to say I can’t because I’m working but she seems to think that because I work from home, I can just leave. She says “can’t you just take a break?” Or “can’t you just bring your laptop and work from here?”

She has just been offered a part time job and told me that some of her shifts will be late and asked if I could come round to watch her kids when she does late shifts. I really really don’t want to do this. I don’t mind as much when it’s every now and again for half an hour or so but committing to giving up some of my evenings for hours to go and sit with someone’s kids isn’t something I’d like to do. However I feel like I’m being unreasonable as it will really help her out and it’s a kind thing to do so I am on the verge of saying yes even though I don’t really want to. How would other people feel? What would you say?

Don’t hesitate to say no. It’s extraordinary that’s she’s asked you. And don’t mention being available for emergencies as she will have these on a daily basis.

Say I am sorry but I like to drink lots of wine in the evening

Once in a blue moon, to help a neighbour out is a fab and kind thing to do, but I would say no to this too now. Neighbour is taking the piss.. sorry for my language. No way and she shouldn't even had asked.. but then she's asked you already to take a break just for her kid so not a shock and this is a huge clue as to what sort of person she is.

I had (she's thankfully gone) a next door neighbour like that. Would think of nothing of knocking on my door at midnight to ask me for something, or to get rid of a spider, something stupid. It doesn't end. When I started to say no, she was so nasty about me, still is (she moved just a street away) and I hear from time to time what she says about me. These kinds of people are best kept at arms length forever!

The rest of the world is navigating complicated and often expensive childcare expenses while working. She can too.

Do not do this. It's better to give her the awkward no now rather than later on when she goes off on one blaming you cause you agreed to it. Just say sorry no it's a big commitment.
Do not feel obliged, she's already taking the piss by suggesting you work from her place so you can watch her kids. Don't answer the phone to her during working hours.

“That doesn’t work for me.”
”That’s not going to work for me.”
”Sorry, I don’t want to do that.”
”You’re going to have to find another arrangement, I’m afraid.”
”Sorry, that’s a bit above and beyond general neighbourliness in my opinion.”
”You’re asking too much of me there, to be honest, Shirley. I’m afraid my answer is no.”

"Sorry, you're going to have to find and pay for childcare like everyone else. I'd lose my job if they thought I was providing childcare while on the clock. Please don't ask me again."

She tested you that first time. Now you're close to becoming snared.

Tell her you've thought about it and it's just not possible to sit for her anymore and she needs to sort out childcare. Take the awkward moment it'll cause.

Helping out on an odd occasion is fine, but committing to looking after a child on a regular basis is quite another. I would be firm and say 'I can't commit to this, it doesn't work for me'. Who takes a job, without giving thought to childcare??? It's not your responsibility or problem to resolve your neighbour's childcare issues!

Don't give her a reason why. They always try to find away around it.

No. You cannot be a part of her permanent childcare arrangements. She needs to sort it out herself.

An hour in an emergency is one thing, a regular commit to take on someone’s childcare for their work is another!

So what happens when you have an invitation or a family do? Restricted ad tk when you can go tk the cinema etc?

It really is not ever reasonable to expect, or even ask, a neighbour to take on childcare for work.

100%

Just say no. Be nice but blunt so there is no wiggle room.

God. Yes. This.

OP... this looks very much to me like she's thin end of the wedging you.
You said yes to occasionals.. because I agree it's friendly and kind.

• That was the thin end.

Now its harder to say no.. but now she's got a part time job and is factoring you in as her unpaid childcare. . "she seems to think that because I work from home, I can just leave."

• She doesn't care about you or your job, only what is convenient for her. She thinks you are malleable and can be pressurized into doing it, even if it is inconvenient because she's already got you to agree to help. She probably says that the DC really like you and look forward to seeing you.

She says:

• “can’t you just take a break?” -* *
• NO my boss is very strict and won't allow that - (also, she wants you to spend your blooming lunchtimes babysitting? )
• Or “Can’t you just bring your laptop and work from here?”
• No That is impossible, I need to concentrate.

But really just "No I can't. " is better. And less apologetic.

It's the "Can't you just? " that would seriously wind me up. You've clearly not said yes, but she's busy demolishing your excuses.
Also.. "can you do 30 minutes to an hour."...

• its definitely not just 30 minutes
• and it could well turn out to be longer than an hour
• particularly ONCE SHE GETS COMFORTABLE DOING IT.

Once you've agreed to do this a couple of times, it gets harder and harder to say no, because you've already proved you are able to do it. That's the thick end of the wedge.

I got caught in the same trap and the demands grew. Instead of being grateful there was an increasing aura of contempt. Doesn't speak to me since I said a firm No More. As a Neighbours she will know when you are around too, which means you can't say I won't be there. Stand firm OP!!

Would she pay a baby sitter, and, if so, how much?

FFS why would you entertain her CF idea for 30 seconds?

You have a job
You are not trained to look after kids, youre not registered to look after kids, you not insured.

Id message back

• Ha, ha! Great joke. NO

Did anyone hear the episode on Happiness yesterday radio 4 in the series Child where an academic from Uganda was talking about moving to Switzerland and how hard she found it trying to exist as just a nuclear family. She said in Uganda it’s normal to go next door and say you have a hair appointment- here are my five children please watch them.It blew my mind! We just live so differently.
She said in the end it was too much and her husband took the children back to Uganda so they could be around extended family.
By this, I don’t mean you should babysit, that doesn’t really fit in with how most people live here. I just mean that it’s not like that everywhere.

I told her by message after pick up that I wouldn't be home after school the next day and did take a bit of a coward's way out by going out with my two straight from pick-up.

Bizarre-she was cheeky enough to laugh at you when you said no and drop them round to you anyway, yet gave up after one quick text saying you'd be out one day!?

It's not unreasonable of you to say no, but it is unreasonable of her to ask you.

This is an easy one for me. I would have no problem being forthright with her.

"Ohh ha ha...absolutely not. I wouldn't agree to doing that for anyone so it's not personal. But no. I can't commit to something like that. I'd only let you down by having other plans."

Why on earth were you expecting to be told you were being unreasonable? Are you normally such a soft touch?

absolutely not!

an hour here and there if you are free I’d lovely of you, but having someone else’s child maybe 5 evenings a week (I assume for free) would be too much. You’d have to give up any life, what if you wanted to go away on holiday on a whim? You couldn’t do anything because then it’s YOUR fault that she can’t work.

if it was a real job with decent payment etc that may be different.

@Nevaurs - it sounds as if your neighbour has taken this job on the assumption that you will provide free childcare for her - textbook cheeky fucker!

I agree with a previous poster who has said you shouldn’t tell her you will help ‘in an emergency’ - I strongly suspect that, if you say you’ll help in an emergency, she won’t bother finding childcare, and will need emergency help when the job starts. And then she will just carry on ‘struggling’ to find proper childcare, and you will be doing it by default.

Just say no.

No is a full sentence.