To not want to babysit neighbours kids

[Nevaurs]

Earlier this year, my neighbour asked if I could watch her child who was off school sick while she did took the other one to school. I was starting work late that day so didn’t mind. During the school holidays she asked me another few times if I could come over to watch them for 30 minutes/an hour. Sometimes I had to say I can’t because I’m working but she seems to think that because I work from home, I can just leave. She says “can’t you just take a break?” Or “can’t you just bring your laptop and work from here?”

She has just been offered a part time job and told me that some of her shifts will be late and asked if I could come round to watch her kids when she does late shifts. I really really don’t want to do this. I don’t mind as much when it’s every now and again for half an hour or so but committing to giving up some of my evenings for hours to go and sit with someone’s kids isn’t something I’d like to do. However I feel like I’m being unreasonable as it will really help her out and it’s a kind thing to do so I am on the verge of saying yes even though I don’t really want to. How would other people feel? What would you say?

I’d tell her clearly that you’re sorry but you can’t as you have work commitments and other commitments- nothing else needs saying. If you say anything else it will give her a chance to entrap you and make you feel guilty. Just a firm no.

Don't do it! She's taking advantage of your kind nature, and you will end up resenting it. They are her kids and it's her job to figure out childcare.

She's seeing you as a soft touch which she's using to her advantage whilst thinking you'll always say yes
You're working from home, not lounging by a pool in designer swimwear for goodness sake so tell her NO
She's going to have to make her own childcare arrangements and actually pay!
You are obviously a very nice lady
Me myself I'd have never said yes to start with; so be prepared to be badmouthed by her; she might be the type only to be nice as long as it goes her way; Good Luck

Holy crap!! That is unbelievable!!

The absolute nerve of some people. You must stand firm with your no OP. You’ve helped more than enough already.

Just say no. It will never end.

Definitely just a "This isn't something I can commit to" .... no apologies....no explanations.... no reasons.... you don't owe her any. If she asks why you won't do it just repeat it's not something you're prepared to commit to. End of !!!!

I can’t imagine asking anyone (literally even family) to watch my 6yo. So much so I haven’t had anything that resembles a few hours break from him unless he’s in school for about 18 months!! It’s very stressful but he’s my child and I chose to have him! I don’t understand why or how anyone could ask this of a neighbour!!! You’re perfectly allowed to say no and shut her down if she asks again. I’m shocked.

I had a neighbour with a son a year older than mine. We met occasionally at the school gate. One evening she rang my doorbell with her son and said he wanted to play. This developed into regularly asking me to babysit in my home. Then occasional requests to borrow money. The little boy was a mix of Dickensian waif and destructive whirlwind and I felt sorry for him. But...

When I eventually said no to lending any more money and to providing unplanned, unreciprocated babysitting she was furiously indignant. I think it's best to politely say no unless you like the children a lot and want them in your life, which is a different situation.

I had one of these OP. Do not say yes. Why on earth did she apply for a job whose hours she didn't have childcare for. Oh that's right as she assumed you would provide childcare for free. Massive CF. I would say I like to wind down in the evenings am in my PJ's by 8pm after a shower. Although no is a full sentence, or the classic MN sorry, that doesn't work for me.

This poster has nailed it, Op, and provided a perfect response for when your neighbour inevitably tries to push you into agreeing despite already having said no.

@Nevaurs did she ever reply to you saying no?

Nope

Oh, good! I had wondered if she would try anything. Way to stick up for yourself @Nevaurs!👏

Shows how rude she is! But at least that looks like she's accepted it!

She’s probably hoping that by giving me the silent treatment i will realise she’s upset and I will think about it more and change my mind

Don't try and remain friendly with someone who sees you as a mug to be used.
She's nothing to you.
Keep your distance.
She will be back with some emergency, make no mistake about that.

@Cuppasoups great advice.

Just ignore her from now on. She is NOT your friend, just a neighbour trying to use you.

Say no. "Sorry, I can’t commit to that. It doesn’t work for me." Then refuse to discuss it any further. If she asks why, or tries to persuade you, just repeat "No, sorry, that doesn’t work for me." It is absolutely not your responsibility to be her childminder and you don’t have to justify your refusal. The occasional favour is fine, if you don’t mind and it suits you, but any more than that and she is just being a cf.

Enjoy the silent treatment! She can ask any other favours if she's not talking to you!

Has she ever done favours for you?

Ask yourself why you find it so hard to say no.. I bet you were brought up to never say no etc. and were punished by people being mean to you when you did.

^^ This.

As I commented in an earlier post, this is how I was brought up. If I tried to say No, I was made to feel horribly guilty about it (the exact words were "Oh, you're dead mean. You won't put yourself out for anyone") - so I ended up having to say Yes and then doing the task whilst loaded with resentment. It took me decades to learn that there's no shame in saying No - and any decent person should respect that decision.

Just say, well done on nthe new job but, i cant commit to looking after your kids.

No, absolutely NOT! What will her next request be? You overnight with them because she's decided to work a couple of nightshifts for extra cash?

You've done MORE than enough. Stop this NOW!