To not want to babysit neighbours kids

[Nevaurs]

Earlier this year, my neighbour asked if I could watch her child who was off school sick while she did took the other one to school. I was starting work late that day so didn’t mind. During the school holidays she asked me another few times if I could come over to watch them for 30 minutes/an hour. Sometimes I had to say I can’t because I’m working but she seems to think that because I work from home, I can just leave. She says “can’t you just take a break?” Or “can’t you just bring your laptop and work from here?”

She has just been offered a part time job and told me that some of her shifts will be late and asked if I could come round to watch her kids when she does late shifts. I really really don’t want to do this. I don’t mind as much when it’s every now and again for half an hour or so but committing to giving up some of my evenings for hours to go and sit with someone’s kids isn’t something I’d like to do. However I feel like I’m being unreasonable as it will really help her out and it’s a kind thing to do so I am on the verge of saying yes even though I don’t really want to. How would other people feel? What would you say?

For god sake don't get involved in this. It will definitely escalate and even if it doesn't, she's a CF. If anything goes wrong (and it frequently does with kids) it will all be your fault without a shadow of doubt. Just say "no" and leave it at that. Why should you have to justify anything! In fact, don't even offer to babysit occasionally otherwise you'll open the door again.

And how is she going to pay this time back to you?

I bet you were only sick very occasionally. Your neighbour will need childcare regularly.

The odd emergency for 30 mins is very different to regular childcare.

This sounds like the start of you being at her beck and call when she needs a babysitter, just say I didn't mind helping you out at first but sorry I you'll need to get a regular babysitter I really don't have the time

You say you can’t, for personal reasons.

Say no. She can get an ofsted babysitter and uc pay 85% of childcare costs

Mumsnet…… the place I come to wonder at the sheer cheeky fuckery of so much of the population. (The neighbour)
And in turn, the sheer lack of spine so many people are prepared to show in telling them ‘no’ without turning themselves inside out with angst. (you OP!)

When this goes wrong (because it will) and you eventually tell her that you need to stop, you will rue the day that you didn't make the decision to say no right now. You'll then be stuck living next door to someone who treats you like scum because the favour you did them gets renarrated as how you let them down/abused them/put them at risk.

Where's her husband in all of this?

That would be a hard no from me. Is she offering to pay you? She's a CF regardless

Does she intend to pay you Op, I bet she doesn't. It's nice to be kind and do an occasional favour but several evening every week is far too much. You don't mention a DP/DH so what happens if you get into a relationship, if you fall ill, if you want to go out with friends? She's not your family or closest friend, she just happens to live next door

No you’re not unreasonable but also - say no to looking after a poorly child in your home! You’re just taking on their germs and you’ll get sick too. I would never ask someone, even family, to look after one of my kids if they were unwell.

Of course YANBU, but she is!
'No, I won't be able to do that for you.' is all you need to say.

OP, you do realise that 'some of her shifts' will suddenly turn to 'most nights', should you be so unwise as to agree to such an arrangement?

Is she even paying you? cheek of it!

‘I’m more than happy to help out in an emergency but unfortunately I won’t be able to do this regularly due to my own work and life commitments, hope you get it sorted!’

CF.

you don’t even have to help out as an emergency so feel free to delete that if you don’t even want to commit to that 🤣

It really doesnt matter if you offend her, because she's adding no value to your life and you have nothing to lose. In fact she's making you feel cross and resentful. So, you don't have to give excuses, just say pleasantly but clearly that you don't want to give up your evenings like this. And I agree with the poster who suggests you don't throw in that you'd do it in an emergency, because every one of her late shifts will become that emergency. She can do what anyone else has to do - hire a childminder/pay a babysitter/negotiate hours with her employer.

She sounds exactly like one of those people who, after you decline, will go moaning to everyone that there is "no village" for mothers anymore and how hard it is to do everything alone bla bla bla

But probably not when she was meant to be working?

Absolutely say no. She's very cheeky.

Be prepared for a bit of a reaction though. My experience of cheeky or overbearing neighbours is that they take a massive huff of you push back at all 🙄.

And then a night at the pub with co-workers here and there, too. Gotta have that teambuilding and the poor mum needs a night out you know!

Point her to chilminder websitecon local authority page
And babysitter pages
She needs to pay childcare

I would only do this in emergency situations. As an outgoing arrangement unpaid no way. She needs a 'childmin der.

That was nice of your neighbour when you were a kid, but that was when you were sick, not recurring childcare.

Do not feel bad about saying no to your neighbour.

You just say no. You're busy, you're working. She will have to pay for childcare like everyone else!

Such a cheeky cow, get the text sent, saying no. Be clear concise and not apologetic.
She will start of by saying, oh it won't be long, and she will try to guilt trip you. The answer is still no.
Honestly I can't believe the nerve of her.