Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

[Hidinginthelootoo]

My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

I did. It’s not clear to me where she explains why she didn’t inherit anything. Perhaps you could point it out to me rather than posting passive aggressive emojis.

Well op wasn’t married to her sisters now dead husband. So yeah that’s why op got zero pounds and zero pence.

The sister could well turn round to the OP and say "all those years where I've listened to you saying you're buying this, going on holiday there, you've paid off the mortgage and I've listened and never said that I can't afford what you're talking about... And now you're complaining because I now can."

People tend to only notice their own struggles.

And on the basis that the Op is a paid-off-mortgage-two-adult-working struggling, which from my side sounds pretty well off, I wonder if she'd have regarded herself as struggling before her sister was richer than her.

Just tell her ‘DS, you flaunting your wealth while we’re all struggling is starting to grate. While I know you didn’t get it in a nice way it’s still shit for us so please stop’.

Actually I posted that before I read that your sister and her son had suffered as a result of (I assume) abuse from her ex, from whom she inherited 10M, and so in that context I'd say

"I am really, really pleased for you that you are able to use this money to in some way go towards healing your child and yourself, and I don't want to sound like a grouch, but we are quite poor, we can't afford holidays, other people in the family are stressed about money worries, and I wonder if you wanted to consider setting up a small fund for the rest of the family? Just a small amount would make a huge difference and would mean we could afford to go away with you both, if you wanted, and enjoy a nice time together? But in any event, all the talk about so much money around us is stressful as we have so little, so please could you be sensitive about that"

It’s a bit hard to watch you tying yourself in knots about your sister’s spending when the real question seems to be: why is the whole family suffering in silence instead of just having an adult conversation about it?

If she’s got multi-millions and you’re drowning, you don’t need to “explain how it makes you feel” — you need to decide whether you’re comfortable asking for help. Because right now, it sounds like everyone’s quietly judging her for not offering, while also being too proud to say a word. That’s not nobility, that’s passive-aggressive martyrdom.

Money changes family dynamics, but resentment isn’t going to pay anyone’s gas bill. If you think she’d say no, fine — at least you’d know. But it’s unfair to expect her to read the room while she’s probably still grieving and adjusting herself.

And honestly, I’m nosy enough to ask — why can’t anyone just ask her? Is it pride? Guilt? A sense that “good people don’t talk about money”? Because that’s how families end up with silent rifts and decades of unspoken bitterness.

It’s better to risk an awkward ask than to quietly resent someone for living the life you’re too polite to admit you need help from.

I get that it’s hard, but if your sister inherited money through “sad circumstances,” maybe start with the fact that she probably wishes she’d kept the person instead of the cash. Grief in designer packaging is still grief.

It’s fine to feel jealous — you’re human — but she doesn’t owe anyone an emotional austerity program just because the rest of you are struggling. She’s not responsible for redistributing her inheritance like she’s HMRC with a conscience.

And honestly, trying to “explain how it makes you feel” so she spends less is just emotional blackmail with good manners. If watching her enjoy her money makes you miserable, that’s not a her problem.

Sometimes being happy for someone means letting them live a life you can’t yet imagine for yourself — without needing to shrink it to fit your comfort zone.

If I inherited multi millions the FIRST thing I would do is ensure the rest of my family were ok. The VERY first thing. I don't care the circumstances.

I'd just tell her to her face she's incredibly selfish and you're shocked at how mean she's being. No. She shouldn't HAVE to give you anything but how the heck can anyone stand by watching people they love suffer whilst they're lording it.

Christ. If I suddenly got multi millions I'd pay off my next door neighbours mortgage!

Daresay the abusive bastard that died said similar to her on many occasions whilst he was hiding money away from her and their child (the OP describes him as an ogre).

How dare an abused woman be happy and relived that her abuser is dead and spend a whole 3% of the money he hid from her, eh? She needs bringing back down to earth from this presumptuous feeling of relief, safety and freedom right now and be ordered to give money to all and sundry around her so they get their entitlement out of him, too.

She owes no one anything. It sounds like she's been through a lot and it's hers to spend as she likes. It's not up to her to compensate for everyone else's lack of financial planning to be frank. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you can't expect to capitalise on her tragedy and I don't know why that's what you would be thinking about when she probably needs someone to lean on.

As you say you’re close, in her shoes, having the large amounts she does, the first thing I would be doing, would be helping my nearest and dearest out. I’m sure she is aware you’re all struggling? How can she brazenly brag about her spending in front of you all, without even mentioning giving you something, that’s sad. Do you think there’s an off chance she might surprise you all with something?

She just lost someone and all you can think about is what a cash piñata she is to you. Change your own situation through hard work and tenacity - apply for a promotion or upskill yourself - much better than sponging.

It’s her ex she hated and who hid money from her in the separation , the op says both her sister and her child with the ex are glad he’s dead. She isn’t grieving, she’s just bought a holiday home and a sports car.

I agree with others that people run through £10m every day and the sister risks losing it all, she really needs to invest a few m and not touch it for her child’s sake.

I think I would have to say to her along the lines of whilst you are both sorry for her sad loss and happy that she is financially secure, it is extremely difficult for the rest of the family and yourself to struggle so much and have to see how much she is spending. You could ask for money or you could not, but you could tell her that her extravagance is insensitive and unfair to you all. It may be that her spending is a knee jerk reaction to her loss and she will calm down with the spending once it has sunk in what she now has

Your OP says she inherited through sad circumstances, but it doesn’t sound like they actually are sad.

It’s time to stop helping out so much with DIY etc, and maybe you could mention to her that your parents are short of cash and might appreciate some help financially before she burns through her £10 million. Don’t ask her for money for yourself, suggest she helps out your parents, that might prompt her to think about how she’s throwing money around whilst some of her family are not well off.

Honestly, I can’t imagine inheriting £10m + (especially from a shitty ex!) and not sharing it with my loved ones.

I wouldn’t be so sure. You say the amount is in excess of £10m, so I’m assuming it’s not more than £20m? That’s not enough to guarantee generational wealth unless fairly prudent with it.

In spending £300k your sister has spent close to her annual withdrawal rate in 1 day. If she carries on like that then the principal will become depleted.

I don't know why people think buying a holiday home is blowing it?

She's entitled to have some fun with some of it (car) and the holiday home is surely investing in property in a way that will benefit DC now and in the future.

I agree she shouldn't be rubbing people's noses in it, but otoh shouldn't her family be pleased for her? The fact that they aren't maybe explains why she's doing what she's doing.

It’s not blowing it but it’s unlikely to have been a prudent investment, not many holiday homes are. But the OP has described constant excessive spending, not just the holiday home.

In an ideal world, she wouldn’t be touching the capital, and should aim to live off the interest in order to pass the bulk of it onto the children. There’s still plenty of scope to enjoy herself and have a good lifestyle within that.

It’s not blowing it but it’s unlikely to have been a prudent investment, not many holiday homes are. But the OP has described constant excessive spending, not just the holiday home.

In an ideal world, she wouldn’t be touching the capital, and should aim to live off the interest in order to pass the bulk of it onto the children. There’s still plenty of scope to enjoy herself and have a good lifestyle within that.

Money might make you financially secure but does it make you happy? How many lottery winners have found it a poisoned chalice? You need a purpose to live eg work and that's not spending money on meaningless stuff. Buying an expensive bit of jewellery might make you happy for a day or to but what then - another expensive bit of jewellery?Did billions save Steve Jobs who died aged 56? I'm certain he would have given it all up to live. Enjoy what you have and stop looking at what your sister is doing.

If you have millions to invest, leaving it in cash to earn interest is the last thing you should do with it.

You have no idea where the holiday home is so how do you know it's likely to be a poor investment? Most property in UK tourist spots would surely have been an excellent investment historically.

If she's that rich, she could well have bought the home and car out of income. Even at only say 3%, £10m gives an income of £300k pa.

Apparently the £ amassed via prudent investment by a middle manager. I’d be tapping up his financial adviser. It’s a lot of money for a seemingly average Joe to rack up.

How did Sis live before & was £ inheritance a surprise? This & when he died make a difference too.

I can’t believe she hasn’t given some of the money to you all though? The first thing i would do would be to help my family out.

Do you think I’m taking about cash sitting in a bank? What would you do with £10m? I’m far from a financial expert but I’ve a fair amount of experience with managed investment portfolios, with minimal input from myself and an acceptable level of risk - under the guidance of my FA.

A holiday home is unlikely to generate any income, as I’m betting the sister has bought it just for personal use and won’t be renting it. And housing is expensive and time consuming to run and maintain. Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a holiday home and there are definitely worse things she could be spending money on (like sports cars!) but I really doubt that this purchase is part of her long-term investment strategy (that she definitely doesn’t have).

Of course your jealous. You are human. Who wouldn't feel like that?