Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

[Hidinginthelootoo]

My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

Even if their feelings are justified, the fact that both the sister and her child are relieved about this man's passing might be considered an indirect but lasting psychological burden for them both. Not being able to grieve because of the complexities and heartbreak of toxic relationships can be as upsetting as straightforward grief.

Just to say, if it's not too trite and annoying, that money isn't everything.

Yabu. This level of envy will not do anything positive to your mental health. She's just been more fortunate than you. That can change.

If her husband died, it would hardly be sharing in the joy.

I agree ! She may even truly not realise you are struggling! Seriously some people lack awareness. You could say that you are really happy for her and how things have turned out for her, however, you are struggling (emphasise you are not asking for money, just some consideration on how it's making you feel). You never know, she may help you out or at the very least she'll know it's upsetting you

Well OP already said it was her separated ex who passed away, so hardly any loss there?
And anyway considering she keeps calling about her purchases, why can't she give her sister something to talk about too?
Multimillions were talking about
Not a paltry million 😂

It’s staggering to see how many people would feel themselves due a payday because their siblings came into money.

There’s quite the difference between freely giving without it being expected of you, and being expected to provide for those who feel they’re entitled to what you have.

I wouldn’t advise OP to drop pointed hints unless she wants to piss her sister off. If she’s inclined to ask then she can at least have the courage to do so directly.

Wow what a tight sod if that was me I’d make sure my nearest and dearest at least had a nice holiday and some treats maybe she’s resentful in other ways if she’s single and you are all with someone?

It begs the question if siblings should routinely give money to brothers and sisters who are hard up? It’s all relative. It also shows how money divides and alienates. In one family I know a multi millionaire who offered only a loan for a house deposit.

Surely how long ago OP was bereaved makes a HUGE difference? Can’t see it anywhere. Both re: sis’s appearance to swank & apparent stinginess.

I know not a lottery win here but thinking about the crazy life changing 280 mil or so in Ireland recently. How to deal with that?

If her sister shares this particular attitude then I can’t imagine why she would want to give her something to talk about. Regardless of whether she liked him or not, that was the father of her child/children. Even if they didn’t like him, that doesn’t mean there won’t be complicated emotions at play.

She’s hardly blowing through it because she spent £300k on a house and car. She’s actually been quite conservative there tbh, particularly when it comes to the house.

You're all crazy, if my sister had 10 mill, she BETTER fucking be helping me out! I wouldn't expect to work again!

Hi op,

everyone can distanced themselves if they feel they need it. You can be happy for her without hurting yourself and she will understand. If she wants your support going through the sad circumstances, she can do it penniless or find herself another person to hurt.

I guess you never really know what being in a situation is like until it happens to you but if I was in her position I would be helping family and close friends

Just tell her. If she truly is a bit lacking in the emotional quotient sector then she may need to be told very clearly: "I am happy for you but it is very hard for me and the rest of the family to hear about you spending a lot of money when we are struggling to make ends meet. Enjoy your wealth but please stop rubbing it in our faces."

This.

Also, chat gpt is super helpful for offering a kind ear. I'd ask chat gpt about it as well!!

Are you joking? It’s more than enough to:

• Be mortgage free on a nice home.
• Have investments.
• Put away a tidy sum for retirement.
• Start a generous pension fund for your kids.
• Put away money to fund their university.
• Put away investments to fund their first homes.
• And do the same for any grandchildren.

Of course that’s assuming she doesn’t keep spunking 300k on sports cars and holiday homes…

It’s a holiday home not a main residence I believe, but agree.

Honestly I can’t believe what I’m reading here. First of all no one knows this other women’s circumstances. Does she have a family of her own? Is the money inherited from her partner who’s died or a member of his family? If so it’s not her place to give away ANY money from someone else’s estate that was granted to her. In the will the deceased wanted the money to go to her and no one else especially not someone else’s family otherwise they would be named. If I died I’d be furious if my son’s wife family sponged off my estate for example. I would want it to go to them and them only. So what if she spends £300k, she can and we also don’t know what on? I doubt very very much she is spending £300k every day it was prob a one off on a few purchases. Why isn’t she allowed to enjoy her life? Secondly to me it just sounds like pure jealousy and you feel entitled to her money and that she should help you out. God works in mysterious ways and clearly you aren’t really genuinely happy for her otherwise you would be happy for her no matter what and not begrudge her. Had you all been happy for her perhaps god would have sent you some money your way too. Secondly if she has kids then you will be last on her list to fund. Sorry but your kids future comes first and dependant on where she lives if it’s in London then £1m will buy you a semi detached house now. I personally don’t think anyone should be commenting on this as no one knows the whole story. I suggest the lady who wrote this post to try and be happy for her sister and not let money get between there relationship. Maybe one day she will help the family out but clearly this has only just happened so is concentrating on her life and her family if she has one. You are not her kids nor does she have to look after you.

I suggest you pray to god and tell him your feelings and that you don’t want to feel this way and to help you be happy for her. This is the right thing to do . It’s for god to decide what happens next .

So many entitled people here. It's her money, she can do what she wants with it. It's not automatically yours because you're related.

Why didn't you inherit if it's from family?

Your sister is lucky

Is she actually slightly unhinged? I was going to say maybe grieving but actually you said he was an ogre. Maybe it's the dizziness of having the freedom that money buys.

The thing is many lottery winners end up with nothing. I'd be concerned she could make a royal mess and would be encouraging her to put some of this aside, plan for the future a bit, and pay herself an income, as this is all just going to disappear if she carries on.

I'd also be hoping she doesn't forget about me when she's living the life of riley 😂...

Be respectful to her you said sad circumstances. This might be her way of dealing with the sad times . She’s not subtle and it does hurt especially when everyone else in the family is struggling and sounds so annoying .However any large sum received by sad times must have been a big sad event not wished on anyone .
If I was you I would just avoid her and avoid conversation . Hopefully she’ll calm down or spend it all .

It's a you issue what do you want her to do hide it?
If you want the same relationship with her aside from money then treat her the same. It will be very difficult for her to hide her new wealth.

Ask her for a tenner

@InterIgnis I haven’t read all the replies so I don’t know what the general consensus is. I didn’t get the impression that the OP was expecting a ‘payday’.

It’s a hard pill to swallow to watch someone spending like there is no tomorrow when you are juggling to keep the show on the road.

In my own situation someone was sending mixed messages so I asked a couple of pertinent questions. The response was very revealing and gave me a much clearer picture of what I was dealing with and what the outcome was going to be.