Absolute CF. I know IANBU but sharing anyway.

[JeffTheSquirrel]

I bought 3 tickets to a show this weekend, for me & DD + a friend of her choice. I paid for them all (£50+ each) but told the mum of invited friend that I didn’t want any contribution. All good.

Now the friend unfortunately can’t make it (legit reason). I mentioned that I’d probably be able to sell ticket as it’s very popular, so no worries (as it happens, another friend has accepted a late invite).

The mum of original invitee asked me to transfer the cost of the ticket to her, so she can treat her DD for missing out.

Eh??

I mean that’s batshit, right?

I’ve witnessed this type of behaviour from colleagues and family. The massive sense of entitlement is shocking…well it used to be, unfortunately I’m no longer shocked because there are so many of these people around.
I’m now quite glad some people have shown me their true colours as it makes it easier to cut them out of my life.
If I were to respond to this parent (and I may not) I would just tell it as it is…another friend has now been invited…and leave it at that!
It’s not the child’s fault, but the grabby parent…sheesh!

Maybe change refund to “cash alternative”

Yeah I am now wondering if the reason you've been given for the cancellation is not in fact the reason CF has been given by her child... she thinks your DD fell out with her, disinvited her in order to invite someone else.. etc?

Every time you ask a question, it is being treated as an opportunity to debate. It makes you seem unsure of your position and she’s using that as a way of finding the cracks.

I would send a very short, polite but firm response. I would not add any judgment or any ‘hooks’ for her to dig inside however sorely you are tempted as it’s likely to explode. I think something like this would be ok:

’I offered to buy an extra ticket for LittleSquirrel to invite a friend of her choice. She chose to invite LittleCF. The ticket was not a gift, it was an invitation to accompany us. LittleCF can now no longer make the event and another friend will accompanying us instead. There is no wronged party and no amends to be made.’

Then whatever she comes back with you can respond one more time with an abridged version of the message eg ‘The ticket was not a gift. There are no amends to be made.’ and then not engage further.

“I purchased the extra ticket so that we could invite a friend to come with us. The fact that “name of child” can no longer come does not mean that you are owed compensation. Compensation for what? A ticket that you did not buy in the first place?

So you think that I should pay for the ticket that you did not use and then pay another £50 towards “compensating” you?’”

Is this person for real?

I would just reply with:

’I understand your DD is upset, as is mine that her friend can’t come. However, I made no promises and have nothing to make amends for. I regret that she can’t come with us but it isn’t my fault that she’s had to drop out. You paid nothing for the ticket, even if another friend wasn’t attending and I had sold it then the money is still mine. Your DD was invited to come, not promised a refundable ticket. I’m sure there will be other events they can attend together in future and I’m sure my DD will be happy to buy her friend a pen/keyring from the show. Let’s leave it there. Enjoy your weekend!’

Not sure I would want a friendship with this person?

She sounds nuts and if anyone should "make amends" to her daughter it's should be her! Her daughter may be lovely, but I wouldn't be inviting her to anything else but that's just me. If her daughter can't make a birthday party, does she ask for a doggy bag of party food, a slice of cake, a goodie bag and some money for the cost of the venue/entertainment?

@JeffTheSquirrel

Oh I think I’d play her at her own game!
Message saying “as your DD cannot come, I’m £50 out of pocket. Please could you transfer me the £50 - and I’ll transfer it back to you to make amends for your daughter’s cancellation”.

Sorry if you thought the ticket was a gift to “DD of Batshit” but it was an invite nothing more. Hopefully they can do other fun stuff in the future. xx

Send her this ‘You’re killing me!’

Yeah, unbelievable.

Is it just possible you heard about the cancellation through your daughter and the stories are different? The mother sounds like she thinks it is your/your daughter's fault her daughter can’t go? It would still be cheeky to ask for the money, but would make more sense?

This is the best post I’ve read on Mumsnet in a while, thank you!

I would have just said she has invited another friend and left it at that, because the mum is clearly a bit bonkers and I wouldn’t have wanted it ruin the girls friendship.

This gets my vote. It’s clear and to the point but it also reminds the CF that SHE is blameworthy in this (upsetting a generous former friend) and actually needs to make amends!

What exactly does she think you need to make amends for 🤣 sounds like she’s had more than a large glass of wine 😬

I think she meant her daughters friendship 😉

wow. I think I would push this back with some correct suggestions for the mother to ponder.

Im sure x is upset, but you seem to have misinterpreted what was a generous invitation to an event. Perhaps if your child is upset you yourself can set that right, but she is probably most upset at missing spending fun time with her friend so a monetary gift wouldn’t solve that anyway. I’m sure you’re relieved we didn’t lose money and we’re able to regift the ticket so no harm done. Hopefully this clears things up for you.

@JeffTheSquirrel Any update before the thread fills up? And how amazing was the Sleb Traitors final!?

Well I read this yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed catching up this morning 😂

I have no idea where tf this woman is coming from. She's making it sound like you bought a gift specifically for her daughter... when actually, she was just invited along, can't make it due to her own reasons, and unfortunately that's that. The woman is barking!

So she thinks that by inviting her daughter to a show as your treat, you have actually 'promised' her £50 worth of goods, services or money? She's fucking insane!

It would still be ridiculous if you were the one who cancelled the treat due to unforeseen circumstances, but it's her daughter that is pulling out. It's like inviting a friend to celebrate your big birthday with you by going to a fancy spa for the weekend as your treat and the friend saying that she's busy on that date so can she just have the money instead?

Hmmm I think there’s some crossed wires here - it sounds like she thinks you cancelled on her DD or told her DD she’s no longer welcome.

Definitely - there has to be something else going on here. I'd speak to my DD, find out exactly what has gone down between the girls. And maybe ask the mom what she believes to have taken place.

Morning. Just to answer a few questions.

I wouldn’t really call this mum a friend, I only speak to her if I’m dropping DD at hers, or she’s dropping X here. So no big loss if we never speak again (as long as it doesn’t impact the girls’ friendship).

X has fractured her shin bone - makes me absolutely wince when I think about it (and it was nothing to do with me or DD!) Until that happened earlier this week, she was still excited to come. No falling out or uninviting between the girls from what I can tell.

Anyhow, I did respond last night but have nothing back as yet. I said:
“I have nothing to make amends for. It is a real shame X cannot join us now, but it's not my fault in any way. I do not owe you any money, and I’m genuinely baffled that you think I do.”

As it stands, I actually would invite X to something in future, but I guess we’ll have to see if this impacts. I’m hoping X is oblivious to her mum’s batshittery here. Seems a shame for X to miss out because her mum is a fruit loop.

I think a simple ‘Give over’ would suffice here.