To not pay stepchild’s private school fees.

[CloverRiver]

My stepchild is 13 and has 3 years left of secondary school. They’ve been in a nice private school for the past 2 years, funded by my DP and his ex-wife. They benefited from a reduction and discount in fees.

My stepchild recently came to live with us full time, this is ordered by the court and social services and it has been traumatic for him. I’ll avoid details because I don’t want to out myself and to protect their privacy.

My issue: My stepchild’s school has now said that, as my stepchild is living with us full time, they want to assess my income and I need to be a co-signature to his school fees. I do not want to be liable for school fees, potentially thousands a year. If I sign this contract I will be made joint and severely liable, if for whatever reason DP didn’t pay or we split up I’d still be liable for it. I also do not want my accounts being analysed in depth, audited etc. DP and I are not married but we do live together and have done for a number of years.

I have told DP that it’s a firm no but he is now really cross and adamant this will potentially mean his child loses his place at school. The school has sent two emails now saying they want my income details and that they expect me to sign the contract. Before people suggest pulling him out and putting him in state, he has moderate autism, so he really does need and benefit from the school.

The child's father needs to correct their error in believing you are his partner and the child's step parent. You have seperate households so do not meet the definition of partner and certainly not of step parent. I assume he described you as partner on documentation when he should have described himself as single, which legally, he is.

So ultimately, he cannot afford the fees alone, therefore he has to decide what to do ie move out, or move schools. If he thinks you should pay the shortfall, then he simply has to say that and it becomes your choice to pay or move out.

The school aren't at fault in my view, you are a household, his living costs are lower because he shares a house.

The school has changed its mind about whether to treat OP and partner as a household now DS has moved in. OP is within her rights to change her mind about how she runs her finances now DS has moved in. In this case she is formalising how much DP has to pay her for him and DS to live there. That will now have to be taken into account in DP’s bursary assessment as a living expense. Provided it is a reasonable sum which he actually pays, and he is open about the arrangement, where is the fraud? The school can look at the facts and numbers and either award or decline the bursary - it’s up to them.

They don't need yours. Just his? Unless it's a bursary based on income?

Tell them you are not a guardian and have no PR, therefore you are not willing to be assessed. Or put DP on tenant's terms at peppercorn rate and call him your tenant 😅

As far as I’m aware, ALL bursaries can be revisited at any time there is a change in circumstances.
Bursaries normally come from charitable donations and are issued under strict guidelines to make sure they are going to the most needy and aren’t abused.

The contract with the school will be outwith any bursary arrangement/entitlement.

So why isn’t the wife now paying?

Or can you not say as outing - ie she’s in prison etc

surely she can’t just refuse to pay fees

did she not sign something when they son started school saying that her and your dp the dad were liable @CloverRiver

It is

That’s the whole point of this thread

it is a bursary

have you not read op posts at all

It can't be fraud, the living arrangements have changed and the OP and her partner are not married or financially inter-twined, therefore she can quite legally change the terms of his accommodations. The OP has no pre-existing contractural arrangement or legal obligation to the school, so cannot be guilty of defrauding them, as she has no business relationship with them

It would only be fraud if:

She was nominally charging a rent but not receiving it

or

Receiving the rent and not declaring the income to HMRC

The latter is important, as de-frauding the HMRC is a serious issue.

Such a difficult situation. I understand why they want to assess household income, as someone pointed out, it’s the same as when someone on benefits has someone else move in, and they need to know all income.
But, OP is well within her right not to want to pay. The ex wife is out of the question, OP has said she can pay something like £7 a week towards her son.
Your partner shouldn’t be angry at you. If he can’t afford the school thats on him, and not you OP.
The options are -
They’ll assess your income, and no longer award the bursary and you and your partner will pay school fees
If you don’t want to pay (again, most wouldnt!), then your partner needs to take his son out of the school.

Or you say no as you have done, your partner can’t afford the fees on his own so the child will need to leave the school.

Looks like the child is leaving the school.

If you split, would your partner get the bursary then based on his wages.

As you said, you could split and have signed something saying you’re responsible for the school fees! I don’t see it ending well for the relationship whatever happens but I don’t blame you at all. I wouldn’t pay £20k for a child that wasn’t mine.

Nonetheless you can’t sign a contract for a bursary and then just decline to pay, you’re still liable.

If the school reassess on the basis of change of household or non-payment that is a different matter. But that reassessment hasn’t happened yet. So ex will still be on the current contract.

I’d then be having to pay a greater share of the bills and expenses

I think you need to support him in paying for this himself, if he really wants to keep his child in that school, and can get a loan to do that without involving you, then you shouldn't really be complaining about having to pay a little more household expenses while that is going on.

If he lost his job would you complain about having to pay more?

If he was ill and couldn't work would you complain about having to pay a little more?

You are either in a committed partnership or you aren't! It's not his fault the mum has had contact removed and it isn't the son's fault either, why not let him get a loan for the next school year (without committing to the next three years), you agree to take on more of the household expenses and come up with a plan for next year?

I know you're not married but if you are ever going to get married this is what it looks like, you support each other through the rough and the smooth.. not just say 'Not my problem!', the child lives with you now and always was a possibility that could happen, which you were fully aware of when getting into this relationship, so it IS your problem whether you like it or not.

This really isn’t necessary. You must know that as OP is unmarried there is no possible way she can be held legally liable for the school fees or compelled to sign the contract.

IANAL but I wouldn't be taking legal advice from a stranger on the internet who can't spell 'contractual'

Of course it isn’t your responsibility but it’s a tough one as he’s only got two years left. My dh put both my kids through uni.. because he was able to, not because he had to and i certainly didn’t expect it.

The only realistic solution is for you to move out and live separately in the hope that the DC will continue to get a bursary - but would that cost you as much as the fees?

The ease with which people expect step-mothers to give up their homes is unreal.

You’re not even married.Ludicrous to expect this of you

How is that relevant to OP?

She can't be held legally liable for the school fees unless she signs the contract and she can't be forced to sign the contract.

But it seems they can remove the bursary from the child if she doesn't sign

The point is you don't have a financial or business arrangement pre-existing with the school.

You are legally entitled to change your arrangements in light of a request, just as you might if you found he was in debt.

It is then up to him to convey the situation as it exists now to the school (not you, you have no business relationship with them, and therefore no contact)

At that point it does fall to the school to make a judgement, bursaries are discretionary and are subject to withdrawal and re-assessment, and at that point its up to them.

It seems that your partner can no longer afford to pay the school fees, even with a bursary, and the child's mother either cannot or will not contribute. It's unfortunate, but sometimes children are pulled out of private education because their family's circumstances have changed for the worse. They are not being denied an education, they are simply no longer getting something that most children have never had.

From the school’s point of view, it would seem unfair that your dp is receiving a discount but his day to day financial situation within the household is potentially much better than other families who don’t have any discount. Basing it on his income alone isn’t a true reflection of the actual situation.

I don’t agree that you should be joint and severally liable for the fees though.

This isn’t a case of working as a team to make sure everyday cost are paid for though. This is private school which is an expensive luxury to have and very different to working together as a family to make sure the food shop is done, the winter coats are bought etc..

I’m not sure what the housing situation is for OP - who owns the house etc. But I would end my relationship if I was her DP. Not in a pissed off “how could you do this??” kind of way. I just wouldn’t make my child leave their school because I had chosen to live with a partner.

If the child goes to university, it’s household income that is assessed there as well. So the child’s loan will be reduced based on OP’s income.