Is this strange or not?

[Sillyjumble]

I should start by saying that I was groomed by a neighbour at 12 years old. To deal with this I have been seeing a specialist counsellor.

Last week I mentioned that my niece (11) is going on holiday alone with her uncle. They have been on lots of holiday together.

My counsellor has said that this is weird. And questioned why a 49 year old single man with no kids wants to go on holiday with an 11 year old (started holidaying together at 7 years old).

Would I be unreasonable to say something, maybe ask my niece questions? I don't want to start a massive argument where ultimately I'll be shunned. I've never had reason to question this, but my counsellor pointed out that this is how children get abused. My head is a mess tonight.

Sorry for what you’ve experienced. I think it’s weird and I wouldn’t allow that for my child. But as someone who has been through some stuff, I’m not sure if that’s the normal way to think or just because of my own experiences with me. But my instincts tell me that the child is at risk.

Yes it’s not normal, but what’s the reason they go on holiday alone together? Not everyone abuses kids.

edit : sorry that came across blunt. I just mean if they go off and do a hobby or something, is it just a family relationship? Is he your brother?

Why do they go on holiday together?

I don’t think it was appropriate for your therapist to say “this is how children get abused” and put it on you like that

@willsandnoodle I'm sorry for you too. I guess previous experience does put people on high alert.

Sorry for what you've been through OP.
I have luckily had a non-abusive childhood but as a mum this screams weird to me.

@londongirl12 he said it's just for company. There aren't going for specific events or places. To be honest, until today I 100% see this as a normal thing to do. Yes my DB.

It is weird in my eyes, I'd imagine your counsellor has more experience of spotting these things because of the line of work they are in . It could all be innocent but I think I'd be questioning it .

I'm in the 'that's weird' camp too. I hope we're all wrong though.

@PinkFrogss yes I'm feeling a bit annoyed at the therapist because she said if I don't ask my niece questions I'll blame myself if it comes out in the future.

Was your brother also abused or witness to abuse? I’m sorry to say (as I’m sure you know) that these things are cyclical, although it could of course be totally innocent.

Whose daughter is the niece?
You said the Uncle is your brother who has no kids of his own.

@FlorenceAndTheVagine I really don't know, we aren't that close. As far as I know he wasn't abused.

So is her dad or mum’s brother? What do rhey do on holiday? It’s incredibly weird and Im so sorry.

Without any explanatory context, yes it's very weird especially if the uncle is doing it for his own need for company. Why do her parents let the uncle take her away?

@LemograssLollipop she is another one of my siblings children

@Owly11 I guess they see it as harmless and both have jobs that take up a lot of their time. Uncle has always been in niece's life since she was born.

I do find that strange. Why doesn’t he have friends/partners to holiday with if he wants the company?

Yeah whose daughter is your neice & how come her parents think it’s fine ?
I would find it very strange if my 49 year old brother wanted to take my daughter on his own on holiday ..
Well I’d never allow it being honest ..

@Missj25 just to be clear, she is the child of another sibling of mine. I guess most people don't believe bad things would happen to their own children. And I'm not saying my DB is doing anything wrong, just the seeds of doubt have been sown.

I think it does feel odd because he’s a man, but would it feel odd for a 49 year old single woman to take her nephew or niece on holiday? Probably not, you would think that she just wanted to spend time with them as she hasn’t had children of her own.

However as most sexual abuse is committed by men, I think the therapist isn’t wrong to question it.

I voted YABU as I had a single uncle who took me on the most fantastic holidays as a child. He lived in the city (we were rural) and I went to amazing shows, exhibitions, restaurants (my first experiences of Chinese, Thai etc.) As I became a teen he took me to a few amazing further flung places.
Looking back I can see he would never have DC of his own. My sibling is 7 years older and he did the same with them.
We agree we both had some of our happiest times with him and are both so sad he died when I was 16/sib 22 and we didn't really get to know him as adults.
We are all formed by our existence and I can see why you feel the way you do but, from my point of view, if the Uncle is coming from the right place it can be amazing. My DH had a similar experience with a much older cousin who introduced him to loving nature and countryside crafts.
Hopefully speaking to your niece will reassure you.

@Redhairandhottubs My niece will come to stay with me during the holidays and we will go out on trips together to the beach etc, I'm not a holiday type person. Because I'm female people would say that's ok, I don't want to be pointing the finger just because he's male.

@Peakypolly thank you, it's lovely you had that experience. I hope it's the same for my niece, I don't really have a reason to doubt my DB.

Does your niece have lots of siblings and gets little attention from her parents and uncle steps in to provide her with nice times that parents arent providing maybe??

What exactly are they doing together on holiday? What are the sleeping arrangements? Who else will be there. What do your niece's parents say/think about this?