Is this strange or not?

[Sillyjumble]

I should start by saying that I was groomed by a neighbour at 12 years old. To deal with this I have been seeing a specialist counsellor.

Last week I mentioned that my niece (11) is going on holiday alone with her uncle. They have been on lots of holiday together.

My counsellor has said that this is weird. And questioned why a 49 year old single man with no kids wants to go on holiday with an 11 year old (started holidaying together at 7 years old).

Would I be unreasonable to say something, maybe ask my niece questions? I don't want to start a massive argument where ultimately I'll be shunned. I've never had reason to question this, but my counsellor pointed out that this is how children get abused. My head is a mess tonight.

This would make more sense to me if the uncle is childless. If it was an aunt taking their niece or nephew would people think differently? I don't have children and would love taking my niece away as I enjoy her company.
A dad going away with their daughter wouldn't be deemed weird would it, so why not a childless uncle who loves spending time with their niece.
I do appreciate there will be situations where abuse happens but there are a lot of innocent men out there who like their family.

OP: Hello there, may I speak to the Headteacher?

HT: Yes, are you a parent of a child at the school?

OP: No, this is about my niece. She goes on holiday with her uncle sometimes, my brother. And you see, my therapist thinks that this is very dodgy.

HT: errrr

OP: I mean her parents are fine with it but you never know do you? I thought you should know.

I would change therapists. She is at best ineffective and at worst horribly unprofessional.

Your therapist has behaved unprofessionally put in a burden on you. I would change the therapist. I would actually report them to their supervising body.

I think it's strange yes and personally would not allow that.

I also think your therapist is a bit weird to be planting such a seed like this. There are lots of weirdo therapists out there but that's another thread.

@Onmytod24 after reading all of these replies I guess I won't be going back there. You have all made me see, it won't be my fault if anything happens to my niece, it will be her parents fault. I guess all I can do is either report it to the school or ask my niece a few questions. I feel like I've been bullied by the therapist who knows my weaknesses.

What type of room should they have then? A child can’t have a room of their own. Surely a family room is better as they’ll be separate beds. A double room would be more concerning.

The parents obviously trust him. If my brother took my sons on holiday, I'd think that was lovely. I also have a close, male friend I've been close to since I was a child myself. I would absolutely trust him aswell. A new man who had come into my life in recent years, not so much. But thus doesn't sound like it's the case. Not all men with an interest in children are paedophiles.

I think you need a new counsellor. She shouldn't be putting ideas in your head that cause you more anxiety.
Spend time with your niece and be someone she could confide in, that's the best thing to do regardless of the holidays. Don't go investigating things based in your counsellors warped ideas about uncles.

Initially, I didn't find this odd until I read that he wants to take her for company. That sounds a bit weird. But before my brother got married and had kids, he was very close to my dd (he and I were always very close from childhood, and I was a single parent) so picturing this scenario with the two of them, I can see it being completely innocent. (Although now we all go away together with all the kids.) How close is your db to the parents of your niece?

I would change your therapist immediately. They are unethical and unprofessional at the very least. Dangerous at the worst. Awful, just awful.

I find it very alarming but I have been a victim of abuse (from an uncle as a child) so I really cant be a voice of reason on this one.

Your therapist was a bit out of order though. Its your therapy why are they pushing this on you? Especially with what you've been through yourself.

No advice on what I would do because what I would do is from my own negative experiences

@sharkstale brother is close to my sibling. Niece is the only child in the family as my sibling was born years after the rest of us. Personally I've always considered their trips as innocent. DB has a good job and doesn't have an issue with paying for everything. I do have a good relationship with my niece and she tells me lots of things, doesn't really mention DB though.

@AlexisP90 so sorry you experienced that. This is why I don't go in guns blazing because it would be based on my own experience. And I know full well, not all men are monsters. I can't believe the therapist has laid a guilt trip on me tbh.

Why aren't others invited?

@Praying4Peace my niece is the only child in the immediate family at the moment. There are older 'children' who are really adults now who have their own things to do.

Sums it up perfectly

I may be wrong, but if you've been abused yourself (I'm sorry) and you've always believed this to be innocent, I'd say trust your gut.

You could always speak to the parents, or your neice as you have a good relationship, but I definitely wouldn't raise it with the school.

I don’t understand why it’s weird for an uncle to take a niece on holiday? I am 47 and I take my nephew on holiday. Why would that be an issue? I enjoy spending time with him and would be devastated if people were saying it was weird.

No it doesn't. As I said to that poster, you must be very naive and deluded if you think a middle aged man taking an 11 year old girl on holiday (alone) is the same a middle aged woman doing the same. I mean, really?! You can't be serious.

This and she needs to be reported to her professional body

It’s definitely weird and I think the therapist is thinking of the wellbeing of the child which I would do first and foremost as a mother. She sees it as a red flag and so do I. Ask your niece first asap. Good luck and sorry it’s triggering xxxx

As a man I’ve had strange looks when taking my daughter out, or if we were going into a hotel together, espically when I was in my 30’s and she was in her teens, young dad.

OP, I must say your therapist sounds awful.

I was going to say this. I know a family whereby the brother and his wife have a daughter, now aged 16. His sister was unmarried and childless, and is now aged 50. She has taken the niece on many holidays over the years as it’s company for her and because she loves her niece. It also provides a week or 2 of childcare to the parents in the holidays. They also go away with their daughter. I don’t know anyone that would say this was weird.

Are men not allowed to love and care for their nieces but women are?