To expect partner to accept job offer?

[bonfiretoffee88]

Background : I have 3 children who are not my partners, they live with me half of the month, the other half with their dad. My partner moved in with us 2 years ago. He has no children. He pays me £400 per month, as before he lived with me he lived with his sibling and that was what he paid them, and we agreed it wouldn't be fair for him to pay 50% of household bills as my outgoings are more due to my children. My bills have raised significantly since he has been here, mostly food, as he will not eat a single meal that doesn't have meat, whereas we used to eat mainly veggie.

I work full time. A few months ago, he lost his job. Since then, he has been actively job searching, had plenty of interviews and 3 job offers. He declined the first one as he didn't like the early start time, he declined the second because it was too far away, and the third because he wanted a higher wage (it was above minimum wage, and only paid 3k a year less than me as a healthcare professional). I think he has high expectations / demands for which jobs he is willing to accept as he has minimal qualifications and works in a manual job think along the lines of a labourer on a site.

I don't really know what my AIBU is, but I am fed up of coming home after a 13 hour shift, to find him gaming and the house is a mess - dishes not done, washing left on the line to be rained on, the other day he was eating his tea when I got back but when I asked if the kids had eaten he said he thought he would have fed themselves, so he hadn't actually fed them and the youngest is only 9. He also sits up until 3am talking into his headset, which really disturbs my sleep and I need to be up at 5am for work. He doesn't get out of bed till after lunchtime, when I work nightshift I have to come home, take the dog out, feed the dog and do all the washing / food prep before I go to bed as he just wouldn't. Financially I am struggling because now not only do I not have the £400 from him each month, I also have to pay his bills for him (car, hobby,alcohol, phone).
AIBU to think he should accept any job he is offered and then look for a better one when he is employed?

So you have 4 children now. The 4th one needs to leave.

YABU for staying with this absolute waster and for inflicting him on your children. Just get the fuck rid of him. Jesus.

Even if he does accept a job it doesn’t sound like he’s contributing much to your life other than making you have extra bills and housework.

There’s a reason men target single mothers OP

Kick him out ffs!

Bloody hell op he sounds like my teenage son - it’s hard enough living like this with my own child there’s not a cat in hell’s chance I’d put up with it from a partner.

The £400 won’t be covering his bills (extra food, utilities, extra council tax etc) so your kids will be loosing out financially so that even when he was working he could pay for a fancy car and luxuries. He should have money saved from such minimal living costs but even if he does you no doubt won’t have seen it.

He is definitely not a keeper just on financials let alone not looking after your home and disrespecting you.

I bet you do his washing all the food shopping and cleaning and always cook when you’re both home

i mean he’s awful but you’re oreetty bad for letting a lump like that live with your children.

why on earth would you let him live with you and your children

You really DON'T have to pay any of his bills for him! He has been offered work but turns it down. Don't carry him anymore you have your own 3 children to look after.

Cock lodger. Get rid.

@bonfiretoffee88 you know what you need to do so do it.

It's not about him working, it's about him being a cock lodger.

Be honest with yourself and move him out. You and your kids deserve better.

This one needs to get back in the sea. You’d be better off without him. You’re worth more than this.

Doesn't he get money for being unemployed? If so he should be giving you all of that to cover his lodgings. He has found a golden palace to live in and a fairy godmother to boot (out of your home)!

Out. Today. Buhbye

Just a man who needs somewhere to sleep and somewhere to shit. Get rid.

YABU to put up with this crap.
He either gets a job - any job - OR he steps up as full time homemaker.

No more gaming and he learns to cook and eat meals with no meat.

OP you are worth so much more than this man. Kick him out and don’t look back. You deserve so much better x

Yeah, that sounds way too picky, especially when there are kids in the equation and he's living with you. I get being able to turn jobs down if you can find them really easily, but this is too much, especially when it sounds like he's being the opposite of helpful at home. There have been times DH has turned down jobs, even when we really could have done with it because there's been an onerous or unfair condition in the contract that creates a risk and they won't change - eg stuff that might make it really hard to get a job for a while afterwards. But generally you need to take the damn job. He's definitely being a cocklodger.

This - my DH is between jobs right now but has savings so is going to contribute to various bits and bobs still

If he has a sports car (!!) and various expensive gaming setup he’s essentially used you to subsidise his life for a long time

Yet another tale of a cocklodger. How depressing.

cocklodger look it up.then ship the lazy devil out fast

Job or no job...now you've seen this side to him...you know what he's really like. Time to get rid!

Bloody Hell, get rid.

I have a friend in a similar position, my adviceis kick him all the way out, right now. They don't get better, they just take the piss more & more. To the extent that my friend has had to retain a lawyer & go to all the trouble & expense of securig a court order to make the parasite leave.

Forget about whether he gets himself a job or not - he is a useless waste of space
Get him gone ASAP