To feel a bit (not sure of the word) that some people seem to get everything handed to them on a plate?

[Loveyournails]

I’m not really sure of the word, jealousy, bitterness maybe. Not pleasant I know. But I know several people where money just seems to fall into their hands.

My bil for example. Parents paid him all through university, he didn’t bother getting his first job until he was 35. He’s an only child and no cousins and he is going to inherit several times over. His mother, his father (they’re not together), plus grandparents.

My son’s friend, again and only child in the family. Parents paid him through private education, tutors, uni. He’s at university but doesn’t have to work because his parents give him a generous allowance. He has already been gifted with the money to buy his first house. He’ll eventually be a millionaire through gifted/inherited money.

It’s just the way it is, I get that and of course no inheritance can make up for the loss of a loved one.

Some people just seem to have it so easy.

Off the point but how can you have a brother in law who is an only child?

married to the OP's sister

Married to her sister?

Sister’s husband?

And some people are tall and skinny and athletic and I'm not

some people have mega brains and win Nobel prizes for physics. I got chatting to a woman in a bar once , I had the boring what do you do "Conversation" - And she was a fricking nuclear physicist! She was a friend of a friend who has two masters degrees on a PhD and a very high earning job.

This is not me. Can't do anything about it. But I do try not to focus on it.

I know what you mean OP.

My sibling married well and life is now very different for them due to handouts from various family members.

I think it’s natural to feel a little jealous.

I know what you mean. Then I think about the millions of people in the world who think I've got everything handed to me because I went to school, can access healthcare, can turn on a tap in my house and not only have instant safe drinking water but hot bloody water just there too! And the rest. We should not forget how incredibly fortunate we are, as well as looking at those with even more than us and wishing we were in their shoes.

He is married to dhs sister.

I suppose he’s dhs bil really, not mine.

Thanks to everyone who has cleared that up for me 😆

I always think the people who get the most help are those that needed/ their parents thought needed the help! Plus you can be jealous of everyone and spend your life being angry and miserable but where will that get you? I don’t know how you get out of those feelings though so can’t help you! Just be happy you don’t have the huge problems some people have I guess!

Rule of Life No.1: It's unfair.

Yes I was looking at a documentary about Taylor Swift recently.

She was born into a rich family. She grew up in a mansion. She had two very loving kind parents. She started a successful singing career at 15. She is world famous now and hugely successful. She is with a man that really loves her.

I grew up poor. My father didnt stick around at all. My mother wasnt able to cope and was very abusive to me. I didnt have one adult that cared about me.

I am not jealous of Taylor Swift or people like her. But it does make me think. Why do some people have such a great life and others don't.

Was I terrible person in a past life?

I remember even when me and my brother were teenagers we said the same thing "we must have been bad in a past life to deserve this life".

Is it all just so random and unfair.

Or do the wealthy families keep the wealth in those families. Eg. Taylor swifts dad was rich so she had more chance of having a good life.

Poorer abusive families get stuck in a cycle of poverty and abuse

Agree, but think of it this way, you're not living in a war zone, so you are in fact, really lucky.

Also, i find these people are usually quite helpless and often unhappy. You have to make your own happiness

Maybe these people would rather have had brothers and sisters to grow up with and to be a support in life.

Peoples fortunes come in different ways. It is quite small minded to say that some people have it easy when you have no idea about what other people have been through or may have to come.

Yeah absolutely.

I went to a top university and paid no tuition and had a (parental) means based living support grant from my local educational authority that meant my parents had to contribute very little to my living expenses. . I never had to take a job at uni in term-time; I could focus on my studies completely (well, and have fun). I graduated with no debt and a little bit in my bank account. This is not because I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth but because Mrs Thatcher didn't get into power and start freezing support grants for university students until just after I graduated. It was the post-war Labour government who handed a clever girl from a very modest background her opportunities on a plate. (It makes me sick to think that Labour would later bring in tuition for university courses,). My long-winded point is that there are many factors that can make life easier for some people than others.

Well I do know what they’ve been through.

But yes being well off doesn’t automatically exempt you from problems.

But neither does being poor.

Yes, life isn’t fair, but also remember that comparison is the thief of joy.

As Gabi on ‘desperate housewives’ (married to a very wealthy man) memorably said, ‘I’ve tried poor but happy. It didn’t work for me’.

It’s not all about money OP.
I mean I had things some people might be envious of - found most but not subjects easy at school- excelled at one subject that got me bursaries for university that got me through an MLitt and a PhD.
Most people to be fair don’t envy that kind of luck.
And anyway it all went tits up with my life after that point - death of my first child, then a severely disabled child, can now only work term-time minimum wage etc.
You just can’t place a great deal of value on projected money.
These people could die early or have a dreadful accident or lose their income through any number of factors - now I know that’s unlikely but still.. the old adage that money doesn’t bring happiness is worth remembering (one of my DH’s siblings is a very very unhappy multimillionaire…)

One of my siblings has become very wealthy through extreme hard work. His DC have been given everything. Fabulous educational opportunities, amazing holidays, great accommodation and so on. They will never have to want for anything.

However they have nothing much to aim for. Two of them don’t seem all that happy and none of them consider a crazy expensive family holiday to be a particular treat.

So it can be a mixed bag. Having aspirations and making your own achievements can be far more satisfying than just having it all and knowing no different.

NB have you ever seen the film About A Boy?

There was a time when I obsessed about people with money than me, I almost ached with envy at how for granted they took it. Just like when I was a teen and I couldn't understand how people with slim legs weren't ecstatically happy all the time. I am fairly well off now and still envy the slim women but I spent the last 17 years desperately jealous of people who have easy going children and hands on grandparents. I have 3 kids and and 2 in particular are very tricky personalities, our daily life is intense. They are also very high performing academically and have almost never been sick, we don't even have a food intolerance in our house. I never considered this to be lucky because i was so focused on what I didn't have. I have finally realised in my mid 40s that I always obsessed about the thing I wanted instead of appreciating what I had, I wasted so much energy. My massive thighs were accompanied by a pretty face and a quick wit. My low income was accompanied by good health and a happy social life. Likewise my highly strung children are academically advanced and talented. My friend always says 'when God gives he takes away', and while you may not be religious it's a good mantra. The BIL may be obsessed with his premature balding or poor work progress. I can guarantee you he will have something that makes him feel unlucky, it's just human nature.

You don't know what another person has been through or how it affected them. It's impossible.

There's no reason that life should be fair. For most beings it's quite difficult.

You need to let go of these thoughts; they will eat away at you and create a darkness otherwise. You can choose to focus on the ways in which you are fortunate instead of totting up other people's inheritances that you wish you had.

No but I will look it up.