To feel a bit (not sure of the word) that some people seem to get everything handed to them on a plate?

[Loveyournails]

I’m not really sure of the word, jealousy, bitterness maybe. Not pleasant I know. But I know several people where money just seems to fall into their hands.

My bil for example. Parents paid him all through university, he didn’t bother getting his first job until he was 35. He’s an only child and no cousins and he is going to inherit several times over. His mother, his father (they’re not together), plus grandparents.

My son’s friend, again and only child in the family. Parents paid him through private education, tutors, uni. He’s at university but doesn’t have to work because his parents give him a generous allowance. He has already been gifted with the money to buy his first house. He’ll eventually be a millionaire through gifted/inherited money.

It’s just the way it is, I get that and of course no inheritance can make up for the loss of a loved one.

Some people just seem to have it so easy.

thankfully there's a sense of pride when you have achieved something at any level, you don't lose your sense of pride or work any less hard because you started with more money.

When you see the bitter threads on MN about "rich" people, when it only means someone richER than they are, it's obvious being open minded and understanding has nothing to do with how much money you started life with 😂

having neglectful or abusive parents has nothing to do with money.

It's very easy to dismiss free education when you have access to it and you don't even question it. "Poor me" when you live in one of the most privilege countries in the world is so entitled.

It doesn't mean we cant' do better, when people expected too much for nothing for too long, and when sadly things that we took for granted - and that includes education - are disappearing, but that's for another thread.

I don't get particularly jealous of friends or family, I'm generally happy they have fortunate lives.

But there are a few people who have wonderful lives where it feels pretty unjustified.

Bumped into an ex classmate who was a vile bully at school, who proceeded to show me photos of her husband and four gorgeous children, as well as the renovations on her massive house. Similarly an ex colleague who was renowned for being rude to everybody and breathtakingly lazy has fallen on her feet with a rich husband who clearly adores her and spoils her and their children rotten.

I don't like the old 'well you never know what's going on behind closed doors' adage. Some people do just fall on their feet and have lovely lives. And if anything does go horribly wrong it will be considerably easier to manage with lots of money at their disposal.

@ThatKeenShakeri think you e just come here for a fight. Hence the name calling. Therefore I can’t be bothered to debate with you.

However to suggest that everyone has the same chances in life purely because we have free education and an NHS is preposterous. Not everyone in the UK has or has had access to education and/or healthcare.

Also, gifting your children so much money that they don’t even have to work/or only work through choice for a short time isn’t ’a bit of money’.

I also didn’t say that well of folk didn’t have a sense of pride. I was replying to another poster than working your way out of poverty gives you a sense of pride.

You're not allowed to feel a bit miffed at your personal situation when others have it worse. Just not allowed.

I'm currently sitting here, off work with work-related stress and anxiety. Literally n ever felt this way before in my life, now I'm having panic attacks thinking about having to go back.

But...there's a HUGE part of me that also feels absolutely terrible that I've dropped my team in the shit. I watched Good Fortune (new film out) the other day - it's ostensibly a comedy, but it made me want to cry - because I'm stressing about my well paid, cushy job, when there's people pissing in bottles to try and fit in all the deliveries they need to do?

There's always someone worse off. There's always someone better off. I guess all we can do is acknowledge it internally and never ever have a conversation about it lest someone point that out to us.

I actually dont think anyone has a totally great life, not really. It's easy to think that way, and even easier today when people put a filtered version of their lives on social media, but everyone has issues and difficulties . Some more than others, granted, but you don't often know what is going on behind closed doors. i always remember seeing my cousin, who is married, has a great big house, kids, works part time, always seemed to be so happy etc, in a pub and she didnt see me. Her husband shouted at her, knocked the table over and walked out, clearly drunk leaving her with her crying children. I dithered about whether to go over but then she left. Later she posted on facebook a picture of them all in the pub saying something like 'nothing like family days out, blessed' or whatever. No ones life is picture perfect

You're not allowed to feel a bit miffed at your personal situation when others have it worse. Just not allowed.

But it's not the issue, is it?

Pretending that someone has an easier life just based on appearance, or because they had more money is a bit simplistic to say the least. It's pretending that people can't know hard work, or fights or know any struggle just because they had more money , and that they can only be successful because it was "easy" for them.

It's also funny to dismiss all the privilege and luck they themselves had, just because someone had better ones. It's fair to have more than some, but unfair to have less than others - that's what is ridiculous.

I don’t have difficulties, I have a blessed live. I wonder if it’s a mindset though, I’m an optimistic positive person.

Not everyone struggles, I get what OP is saying. Inheritance is very divisive and bad for society, but I’d not want to be the first to go without… and that’s the issue.

....so what?

OP is allowed to feel what she feels. She is venting on an anon forum about it, not voicing it to her BIL to make him feel some sort of way.

We're human beings. We don't have to be balanced in every thought we have in our heads. If OP had never posted this, she'd still be thinking about it.

@Loveyournails you always need to remember that money doesn't buy happiness, and achieving things off your own back gets you satisfaction that money will never buy.

A while back we were having an interesting conversation at work about private schools. Parents are essentially paying for better grades for their kids as they have much smaller classes, no time wasted on behaviour, and lots of 1 to 1 help. But what those kids don't come away with is the ability to struggle and figure things out for themselves, which make you a better learner. It's why lots of private school pupils struggle at uni and often A Level unless they master the skill of struggling.

As I said in an earlier post, I’ve never valued money I earned myself over money I’ve been given.

Money does buy happiness, literally and figuratively. It buys freedoms from many of the things that cause unhappiness. It buys security, opportunity, and freedom. According to studies that have been done on this topic, there is indeed a correlation between money and happiness.

Private school parents are paying for a quality of education that supports their children to achieve to their full potential. It’s interesting that you’re presenting this as something negative. Incidentally, private school alumni generally do well upon leaving education, out-earning their state educated counterparts by an average of £10000.

I went to private school. I also dodged a few bombs in childhood when my then country decided to lose its collective shit and rip itself apart in a civil war. So I’ve got my privilege points, but then I suppose I’ve also got a few struggle credits I can dine out on. I don’t and won’t though, because I’m not a better or more worthy person than someone that didn’t experience a civil war, or that has lived a ‘soft’ life from the beginning.

but I find the idea that well off people might have had other struggles so it balances out a bit insulting.

Yeah, funny enough op, I found it a bit insulting too when your response to me saying that whilst I didn’t have money struggles, I had been raped, was “you’re still very fortunate financially”. You know, as if it balances out. More than a bit insulting actually. And far from open-minded and understanding

Well actually I didn’t respond directly to you disclosing that you’d been raped. I certainly didn’t say “you’ve been raped but it’s fine because you’re well off”. I was raped 19 years ago so I have an absolute understanding of trauma.

But that isn’t what I’m talking about or what I posted about.

I started a thread quite specifically about people who have been gifted or inherited huge sums of money and haven’t had to work.

People replied saying that I don’t know what they’ve been through.

It’s interesting how ‘poor’ people are often told to just pull their socks up and get on with it, don’t be bitter, get a better job, be happy with your lot, be grateful. Whatever they have been through, no matter how awful their background.

But if you’re extremely well off and have had illness or trauma you’re deserving of much more empathy and understanding.

Err, your exact words in a post that quoted me saying that while on paper I looked like I’d had it easy largely because I was well off, but what others didn’t know was that I had been raped, were:

It’s quite dismissive to say “I’m rich but I’ve been through trauma” you are still very fortunate financially, poor people still have trauma and ill health in abundance

So, tell me again how that’s not directly responding to me disclosing that I’d been raped, or suggesting that it somehow balances out, which you seem to find insulting when it’s the other way round.

And while it may not have been the whole point of your op, the thread evolved and this point was raised. That tends to happen in discussions.

I can see why you’d try and distance yourself from that comment though, it’s abhorrent.

You said a lot of things within a long post that I’d replied to, not just that you’d been raped.

Stop being manipulative.

I’m not being manipulative at all. And it was hardly a particularly lengthy post.

I’m quoting your own words back at you. You clearly referenced my rape, though called it ‘trauma’ , and went on to say that I was still very fortunate financially. And then today decide that you find it insulting when people seek to say things balance out.

Once more:

It’s quite dismissive to say “I’m rich but I’ve been through trauma” you are still very fortunate financially, poor people still have trauma and ill health in abundance

As I said, abhorrent.

Actually that's true
Some people have been dismissive of the fact that I was in a homeless shelter when I was a child. Then living in temporary accommodation in bed and breakfasts.

It was an awful burden to carry for a primary school child. Children can be absolutely awful, and as evidenced by this site.Their parents can be even worse. There are so many threads on this site where parents are being openly hostile about other children.

If my friend's at primary school had found out I was homeless or if their parents had. Do you have any idea what they would have said to me. I would have been taunted and bullied by the bad children and even excessive sympathy can feel bad by the nice children.

Homelessness is terrifying. Especially for a child. I remember once sitting in a mcdonald's because mum had just enough money to get us a couple of happy meals and we had all our bags at our feet and most of our stuff was in storage, and we didn't actually know where we were sleeping that night.

But you know what if you've been brought up with a silver spoon wanted for nothing that had a few general problems in your life you're deserving of the utmost sympathy.

My partner thinks he's had insurmountable struggles, just because he's had a few social problems and anxiety growing up. I fucking didn't did I?

I've lost all of my grandparents and my parents and all of his are still alive. I have no family support, and he thinks I have an easier life than him.

I managed to work my way out of it by going to university and getting degrees and I have never, ever stopped working and I never will. It terrifies me to think I could ever go back to that because we all know the path from panthouse to pavement is very short. Oh, in fact, rich people don't know that.

Just remember there will always be many, many people worse off than you. Living in the UK makes you MUCH better off than the vast majority of the world. Do not be envious.

You said that you’d been raped, been in an abusive relationship, had been through surgery and nearly lost your career. Al of which I imagine were traumatic.

I replied saying that you’d been through trauma but that ‘poor’ people will have been through trauma without the safety net of money. You might not like that or find it insensitive but having been through all of those things myself that anything you have to deal with is easier when you’re got a roof over your head and food.

I hate this logic. So just because somebody doesn't live in a thrird workd country and are victims of famine or war, they re supposed to be happy with a lot in life?!

Just do one. I note you only said this on a thread about people from poor backgrounds.You won't go on the cost of living threads and tell people with their six figure salaries.How they re struggling to afford their two cars, massive mortgages and private schools to be grateful.They live in the uk.Are you?

Nope just the poor people.

You missed out the bit where you said “…trauma, but you’re still very fortunate financially” as if that balanced it out. And then complained today about people suggesting wealthy people having trauma somehow balances out things.

And I made no comment whatsoever about poor people suffering trauma, without financial safety nets. My whole point was in response to you claiming you knew the wealthy people who appeared to have everything handed to them on a plate hadn’t been through anything much, and I pointed out how you couldn’t (or shouldn’t) confidently say that, giving examples from my own life.

But continue with digging holes for yourself if you like, it’s amusing to see you try to deny and distance yourself from what you posted.

I think that unless you’ve grown up with that black cloud permanently over you, you just can’t comprehend. Being exposed to homelessness, having no electricity, knowing that there is no money for food and praying that your parents will manage to get a bit of money to get a shop is terrifying.

It stays with you. It doesn’t exempt you from all the other problems like bullying, poor health, abuse, it only makes those things more likely.

Almost everyone has problems in life and money doesn’t prevent anything bad from ever happening to you but it is a massive safety net.

In all honesty I couldn’t care less what you think. I don’t know you. You’re a complete stranger online who has chosen to pick an argument.

Do you honestly think I am the least bit concerned about what you or anyone else on this thread thinks that I need to ‘dig myself out of a hole’ as you put it.

If you are so upset by what I have said then feel free to hide the thread and go away.

Money doesn't prevent every bad thing from happening to you.But it prevents a lot of bad things happening to you.

If you don't have to worry about your parents finding enough money for electricity, food and the rent, then you ll never know how lucky you are.

Money absolutely does buy happiness. My childhood would have been so much content and so much happier if I hadn't had these constant worries about the bare essentials, we couldn't afford.

People who claim they had social problems or other issues in childhood or anxieties.Imagine being borderline homeless and no electricity on top of that. Would it have made your life better or worse? Happier or unhappier?