To feel a bit (not sure of the word) that some people seem to get everything handed to them on a plate?

[Loveyournails]

I’m not really sure of the word, jealousy, bitterness maybe. Not pleasant I know. But I know several people where money just seems to fall into their hands.

My bil for example. Parents paid him all through university, he didn’t bother getting his first job until he was 35. He’s an only child and no cousins and he is going to inherit several times over. His mother, his father (they’re not together), plus grandparents.

My son’s friend, again and only child in the family. Parents paid him through private education, tutors, uni. He’s at university but doesn’t have to work because his parents give him a generous allowance. He has already been gifted with the money to buy his first house. He’ll eventually be a millionaire through gifted/inherited money.

It’s just the way it is, I get that and of course no inheritance can make up for the loss of a loved one.

Some people just seem to have it so easy.

My best friend has a very privileged life (on paper I should probably hate her! 😂). She can’t have children. The one thing that’s she’s always dreamed of was a biological child and she can’t.

OP I think for the number of people you know like this you probably know twice the amount at least of people even if you don't think you know it. Concentrate your efforts and thoughts on them for a while and you might change your tune.

Yes - of course some people seem to be lucky and have easier lives than you or me.

But many people have much worse - disabilities, chronic illnesses, deprivation and poverty etc. And that’s just the ones lucky enough to have been born in the UK.

Pray that things don’t start getting fairer…because you’d soon realise just how lucky you actually are!

I always think if you compare down not up you have a happier life, so compare yourself to people less lucky. Then you focus on your good luck not your bad luck.

You can’t possibly say you do know what they’ve been through. These people are your sister-in-law’s husband and your son’s friend. Hardly people close enough to share their darkest moment with you.

You would look at my life and think I’ve had everything handed to me. And in many many ways, life has been very kind to me. I’m intelligent, well educated, earn over €300k per year, own my own home outright, have a great lifestyle, have wonderful friends and I am very happy. Yet there is not one single person in my life who knows that I was raped at 17 years of age. There is only one person who knows about an abusive relationship I was in for a year. One person. When I had a career-threatening event, I told nobody. I have faced major surgery on my own, telling only one friend.

People can be very private for many reasons, and while their lives may look like everything has been plain sailing, that’s not always the case. And it’s very foolish to think you ‘know what they’ve been through’ about anyone, but particularly about people some distance removed.

It’s not eating away at me at all, I’m simply musing. I’m not sitting here festering.

But you can’t say that I don’t know what someone has been through when I know the person extremely well.

Yes of course there will be people who are well off who suffer with health, addiction, trauma, but that isn’t what I’m talking about here.

People who are not well off will also go through those things, and are far more likely too.

Its still the case that some people are born into very fortunate situations financially where whatever else, they will never have to worry about money.

The vast majority of people living in 21st century developed countries are pretty fortunate compared to the people who have come before them. Why bother comparing yourself to people who seem to have more than you? They may not be happy anyway.

I've always considered myself to be fortunate (not financially but in other ways) but have just been diagnosed with cancer - I'm not trawling for sympathy - but pointing out that no one knows what's ahead. Count your own blessings, even if they're small ones.

Comparison is the thief of joy,

Thanks.

Sometimes we forget how lucky we are. It is easy to look up and see those who have more and feel hard done by but not look down and see how worse we could have it.

Go and watch the news, gratitude for what you have will follow.

Those were just two examples. There are people I know very well that have situations like that. You also don’t know how close I am or not to these people.

As for going through trauma, lots of people go through trauma or suffer with their health, disabilities, infertility. Anyone can go through those things whether they are rich or poor.

That is entirely separate from what I am talking about which is money.

It’s quite dismissive to say “I’m rich but I’ve been through trauma” you are still very fortunate financially, poor people still have trauma and ill health in abundance.

What bugs me is the disconnect wealthy people have with "normal people". Like DH's cousin who asked if we wanted to come with them on a trip to Hawaï in December. And when DH said we hadn't budgeted for that he laughed and said C'mon don't be stingy to your wife. Irk.. we just don't live in the same world due to finances. But I rather be in mine if being in his makes you lose all empathy and understanding for other people.

I get it. I feel like that sometimes and think "Oh I wish I'd had that opportunity/support/luck etc." and I have learned to just sit with it for the little while the feeling lasts.
I'm quite a jealous person and it's something I don't love about myself, but have learned to gently navigate.
You're not unreasonable for feeling a bit off about it, OP.

It’s quite dismissive to say “I’m rich but I’ve been through trauma” you are still very fortunate financially, poor people still have trauma and ill health in abundance.

Yes, but not everyone who is poor or who just has to budget carefully will have trauma and ill health. Some people who are ‘poor’ will have everything they need materially, even if they don’t have treats, but will also have a large, loving family around them. Plenty of them will live happy lives overall, and even when times are stressful they are ok because they have a family and secure social system to rely on. It’s quite dismissive to say that genuine life hardships are easier than just not having much spare money, and to assume that no relatively poor person could ever have a life as good as someone who has nothing else but money.

I definitely think people lose touch with reality.

I’m not poor but I’m not rich, fairly comfortable off now. I did however grow up in extreme poverty and have had to claw my way out and into a comfortable life. Even I have probably lost touch a bit with the realities of true poverty.

i do however work with people in absolutely dire situations and it’s a stark reminder.

Can I ask and I’m not trying to be argumentative.

Have you ever been poor?

You cannot ever be truly happy if you are living week to week. Terrified of getting sick or your child getting sick incase you have to take a day off work with no pay. Scared to put the heating on and your house getting damp from it. Praying that an appliance doesn’t break because you’ve no money to replace it. No money to even take your child on a weekend in a caravan.

It’s virtually impossible to be truly happy if you are living hand to mouth.

Of course you can be rich and miserable too for all sorts of reasons.

But I was really just musing how some folk are born with a silver spoon.

A colleague of mine used to say oh x has lived a charmed life.

I for one would love to have had all of that😂
I guess most parents would do those things for their kids if they could, thats how I view it. I know if I had millions I’d deffo help my kids out

You ended your op by saying ‘some people have it so easy’. Another poster replied saying Peoples fortunes come in different ways. It is quite small minded to say that some people have it easy when you have no idea about what other people have been through or may have to come and you retorted that actually, you do know what they’ve been through. My post was in response to that comment, pointing out that no matter how close you might be, or think you are, to someone, you cannot confidently say you do know what they’ve been through in life. Those closest to me have no idea what I’ve been through, and it’s unlikely I’m the only one like that. So someone might think I have it easy, and in many ways I do, but ‘having it easy’ covers a multitude and doesn’t just mean financially.

And if you think it’s ’dismissive’ to say “I’m rich but I’ve been through trauma” (which wasn’t actually my point, but I’ll let that slide) don’t you think it’s also dismissive to say “you’ve been through trauma but you’re still very fortunate financially”… as if money negates the trauma or balances it out somehow?

And as for “poor people still have trauma and ill health in abundance”… I don’t believe I said otherwise.

Poverty massively impacts your ability to do maths. There was an experiment and basically the stress makes you less able to make good decisions so you are trapped in a spiral of problems. Poverty is not happy families wearing hand me downs and looking after each other. It’s shit.

However my DC are in their way extremely fortunate. They will have big deposits to buy a house, have been able to save a lot by living at home while having good jobs. They are extremely fortunate in comparison with most of their peers. We have lived below our income, had old cars, simple holidays, and generally lived frugally and been able to save for them.

You can help your children be luckier than you were.

😂😂

Yes. I’d rather cry in a Bentley than a Toyota Corolla.

etc.

Just a bit of perspective:

You are always going to have someone better off or worse off than you.

I am sure you are living under a roof right now, food in the fridge, a lovely husband, money in your bank account even if it’s a small amount.

I can hand on heart say that there will be millions of people worse than you and to them you have it mega easy. They want what you have in a heartbeat. They are starving, can’t afford to feed their children, maybe they are alone.

That doesn’t mean you can’t have jealous feelings it’s a natural human emotion. Try to not hold onto that as comparison can really take away joy.

Try and be grateful for what you do have and acknowledge that there are people that think you have an amazing life xx

You are right to dislike inequality, and it gives rise to terrible problems in society. Inherited wealth is actually very ethically controversial, and it’s fair enough to ask questions about it.

I’m from a poor background. ‘Poverty’ according to Labour politicians talking about their own background. But no poverty is the slums of India. My background was poor. But happy.

However now, largely due to it being happy, I’m wealthy enough. Not uber wealthy but relative to how I grew up. And there’s no way my children aren’t going to be the benefactors of that wealth. Sorry not sorry.

"Doesnt need to work" doesnt mean Shouldn't work"
I know of 2 people who had very wealthy parents and had everything handed on a plate. One is an alcoholic and the other one dead from a heroine overdose.
The devil makes work for idle hands, as the saying goes.
Don't be envious of those who seem to "have it all" it doesnt always work out well