To feel a bit (not sure of the word) that some people seem to get everything handed to them on a plate?

[Loveyournails]

I’m not really sure of the word, jealousy, bitterness maybe. Not pleasant I know. But I know several people where money just seems to fall into their hands.

My bil for example. Parents paid him all through university, he didn’t bother getting his first job until he was 35. He’s an only child and no cousins and he is going to inherit several times over. His mother, his father (they’re not together), plus grandparents.

My son’s friend, again and only child in the family. Parents paid him through private education, tutors, uni. He’s at university but doesn’t have to work because his parents give him a generous allowance. He has already been gifted with the money to buy his first house. He’ll eventually be a millionaire through gifted/inherited money.

It’s just the way it is, I get that and of course no inheritance can make up for the loss of a loved one.

Some people just seem to have it so easy.

Clearly you care, otherwise you wouldn’t keep responding and trying to justify what you said 🤷‍♀️

But feel free to stop engaging with me to demonstrate just how little you care. I’ve called you out, you’ve no valid response, I’m happy with that.

I feel all of this OP. I am extremely grateful for my job and my wonderful children. I have always had to work and likely always will. .Meanwhile my sisters, who are also my closest friends.have not had to work, can plan big fancy vacations, house renovations, redecorating, etc. Their kids were able to finish college with very little debt if any. My kids will have student loans.
I can both be happy my sisters have a good life, and wish I had some of that come my way too. Its impossible to not notice and wonder "what about me...?" Anyway, I relate completely and wont try to lecture you on how life isnt fair or how you dont know what their lives are REALLY like....

Strange take on my comment. I never mentioned poor people. I said don't be envious. It is not good for you or anyone else for that matter. I include millionaires who are envious of billionaires. It is unhealthy. Look after yourself.

You’ve put that really well.

I’m grateful for my life and tbh, even though I’ve had really tough times in a way it’s all made me who I am today.

I don’t begrudge anyone their wealth and fortune. But it’s very eye opening how financially fortunate some people are. Even dh who grew up very comfortable and has a well paid job gets a pang of envy. He knows a few people who are fully funded by their parents. It doesn’t mean you’d swap lives but how nice would it be to be gifted a house or a million pound.

My DHs family (aside from his parents) are all very wealthy and successful. He has a multitude of cousins who will do anything to put off growing up. They study degree after degree, volunteer for the peace core. They’re just waiting for inheritance and don’t want to grow up. I don’t envy them. They’re boring and unfulfilled. I much prefer my poor northern upbringing that gave me a good work ethic and some grit.

But don’t you get any joy from the fact that you’re self sufficient? And that everything you own - house, car, etc. - and all your holidays and activities, are self-funded.

The thought of having my life bank-rolled by someone else makes me squirm. I can’t be the only one?

Money might not buy you happiness but being permanently hungry and cold with no end in sight (a hundred times worse if you have kids) is pretty well a guarentee of unhappiness and it's rather hard to relate at that point to better off people who say 'oh but rich people have their problems too'.

Sure, they do indeed, but very little is more pressing than an empty stomach for the hundredeth day, dreams of steaks that vanish on waking, and no bus fare to go to meet your friends nor the pounds to buy a beer if you did. It's difficult not to think that a woman worrying about being replaced by a younger model when she's driving down the road in a BMW is a bit of a luxury problem.

And again, a hundred times worse if your children are in that situation.

But envy and resentment will bring you nothing here but wasted energy and I believe it affects your health.

I don’t feel jealous of those who have had a helping hand at all. What does rile me is when people who have had a helping hand and who have benefited from private schools, great holidays, driving lessons/car, parental support through uni, house deposit paid etc don’t appreciate what they have been given. Some talk as though it’s the norm- the very least they could have expected, not that they are extremely privileged.

This is like the post where OP was upset at her sister inheriting large wealth and not sharing it with her and her wider family.
I don’t understand why there are people who expect that everyone have/should have same experiences or opportunities. Life is ‘unfair’. We are not all born to have equal opportunity. Whether it’s an abusive family but you’re wealthy. A poor family but well loved. Or a combination of many factors.
Not being in a communist society is a good thing. I do believe all children deserve love and it’s such a crying shame and awful that’s not always the case. But money/opportunity etc. is less of a factor in having a happy life than having loving good parenting. That’s what we should all be wanting for all children.

We’ve all thought like this sometimes I’m sure. But it’s no good for you.

Me and DH started with zero, help or money or even a decent education (neglectful addict parents) We now own a house, 2 paid off cars (none of it fancy, we live in the south east!) and savings in the bank. We’ve worked bloody hard and I’m proud. Sometimes it’s stung that we could have ‘more’ we live in an affluent area where nearly everyone seems to have done ‘better’ than us. They own farms, businesses, hugely successful. But then I remind myself how sweet our achievements are, because we did it ALL ourselves, no house deposit help, no uni, no driving lessons paid for, and most of them didn’t, some of them still even have parents paying for their food shop each week! No wonder they have more! But to me that’s almost embarrassing…OP concentrate on your own achievements, In relation to your life. The people I see who have it far too easy growing up, are nearly all useless anxious adults.

This is why I support increasing inheritance tax even though it would impact me. We will never have equality unless we tax inheritance more. It doesn’t matter what you earn these days, only what your family give you

This.

Envious is the word.

I think inequality is the biggest issue the human race faces - it underpins poverty, climate change etc

In the modern world, taxes became a tool to try and level the playing field. Income tax so it's based on what you earn, inheritance tax to stop the rich passing down abundant wealth without consequence. Robin Hood didn't want to pay taxes to fund the wealthy king, nowadays our taxes fund the NHS.

But... billionaires exist and dodge taxes, huge corporations dodge taxes, middle-class people don't want to pay them ...what do we do?

I get it totally.

For me, it’s childcare.
Some people I know get childcare handed to them on a plate and don’t appreciate that others don’t. Then they lament how easy it is having 2 kids as they still get to go out all the time!
If only I had that I would have had more than one child. Their other half does the childcare, or their parents will have the kids and do all the housework and gardening too! Grrr…

A couple more. My brothers ex.
A drug addict, but a mum of 2 who still manages to hold down a job. She lives with her mother who sorts the bills and housework.
She has even managed to avoid prison a couple of times due to technicalities and now thinks she’s untouchable. My brother still gives her money and both him and her mum defend her to the hilt. To them, she’s mum of the year!

My partners sister. The youngest of 4 children and only girl and has always been spoilt. She got a horse as a child as MIL worked 3 jobs, she always comes first out of MILs kids , all childcare easy , partner worships her, despite her never really had a job or seeing things through.

Bitter, moi?! I do feel better now! 🤣

Yes and I totally get all of that too.

I was thinking about this and actually I don’t think I am jealous or envious. I’ve always been completely self sufficient as I’ve had to be. Totally get you about the childcare too because have never had that either. Or as previous posters have said, whether it’s help with driving lessons, house deposits. There is a sense of satisfaction that dh and I have done it ourselves, despite having had really tough times.

Ive never expected any help tbh and i definitely don’t blame people for helping their children. Ive been able to help mine far more than I ever got. I do think parents should try to I still a good work ethic into their children.

I think the feeling is more wondering “are they grateful”, “do they appreciate it”, “do they get how hard it can be without financial support”.

I think as evidenced in some of the posts on this thread, some, and that’s some before anyone jumps down my throat, people don’t appreciate it or understand how hard life can be for those who have never had any help or support.

I don't think it's about having stuff "handed to you on a plate", although being an only child to well-off parents is a good start, not everyone has this, however, there are now more kids without siblings, than in my time (46 yo).
I feel it's more about sorting out what you want/don't want in life, preferably at as young age as possible and capable.
I was an only kid, another country, parents comfortable, although that time probably not by British standards. I never wanted any family/kids and entered a lucrative marriage twenty years ago (never had to work).
I also very rarely felt really happy (apart from a very young age) and deep inside I don't feel grateful/having anything handed to me in a plate.
After all, you are married, live around someone, give them your time and energy. My husband is very decent, it must be me, a happy wannabe loner. 😁

And for that I expect to be sternly told off.

Why does it matter if people are grateful or not? Some will be, some will take it for granted, some will take it so much for granted that they will work their butt off to exceed the level of wealth they were born into, because they feel it's their right and they work accordingly.

people don’t appreciate it or understand how hard life can be for those who have never had any help or support.
They do, but why should they waste any headspace about it?

We all "know" how hard life as a very severely injured quadriplegic but we can't spend every hour being grateful we can run, dance, brush our own teeth and travel wherever we want and just need to grab our passport and go. And until we live it, we never realise the affect it has on life.

It's just untrue that people with more help, more luck, more money work less hard or are less proud of their own achievements.

I don’t believe I’ve that they are less proud?

Picking up on your other point, it would be perfectly reasonable for a severely disabled person to look at a person fully able bodied and think the same sort of things.

the difference is that the severely disabled person is, generally, unable to make any change to their situation.

However, having less help has never stopped someone from being more successful or a lot more wealthy than another. You don't need parents to gift you a deposit to buy a MacMansion, even if the money would be nice.

One is not a choice, and something you can't change, the other situation is entirely up to the individual.

I think the trouble with this thread now is that it keeps going off on a bit of a tangent (threads do) and a lot of what about this and what about that.

I am really only referring to quite a specific set of circumstances, that is people who I know very well, who have been gifted and also inherited/set to inherit vast wealth.

And I don’t begrudge them or want a cut, I just think they are vey lucky indeed.

I didn’t say that they were the same. You mentioned it, not me.

Also you are totally wrong as you have been throughout the thread when you keep saying that any/every person who comes from poverty has the power to change their situation.

Hmmm and are they/do they seem genuinely happy with their luck?
Or do they still grumble like everyone else? 😄

I bet this is just a passing thought OP has had one or twice and now people are making out she’s sitting there green with envy just constantly sat mulling over how easy other people have it.