To feel a bit (not sure of the word) that some people seem to get everything handed to them on a plate?

[Loveyournails]

I’m not really sure of the word, jealousy, bitterness maybe. Not pleasant I know. But I know several people where money just seems to fall into their hands.

My bil for example. Parents paid him all through university, he didn’t bother getting his first job until he was 35. He’s an only child and no cousins and he is going to inherit several times over. His mother, his father (they’re not together), plus grandparents.

My son’s friend, again and only child in the family. Parents paid him through private education, tutors, uni. He’s at university but doesn’t have to work because his parents give him a generous allowance. He has already been gifted with the money to buy his first house. He’ll eventually be a millionaire through gifted/inherited money.

It’s just the way it is, I get that and of course no inheritance can make up for the loss of a loved one.

Some people just seem to have it so easy.

I love being around rich people tbh. They’ve generally had quite interesting lives and done interesting things. Maybe because I’ve had quite an interesting myself (although I’m not rich), I don’t feel particularly envious.

Do you know this information or making an assumption? Because my mother has lied that much about me my family think she gave me everything when in reality she gave me nothing but mental and emotional abuse. I paid for myself to go to college, my house deposit, buying my ex out, childcare absolutely everything and had NOTHING handed to me but hey ho rumours get spread and assumptions are made.

I live in very monied world - not in the Uk. Please believe me - no one goes without difficulties and heartbreak in their lives. Yes money makes many things easier. Im not saying it doesn’t. But it cannot prevent deaths, betrayals, accidents, ill health, heartbreak etc. It can also be very fake, superficial and difficult to know who the true friends are. Plus burnout and mental health breakdowns due to pressure in high flying jobs. And a lot of people hide their difficulties from all but their closest friends/family.
It looks all shiny but often underneath is isn’t. Also the amount of controlling husbands is seriously underrated - the wife must look a certain way, not gain weight, keep house immaculate, kids seen and not heard etc. The wives are also very neurotic and at a certain age it’s not unusual for them to me replaced for a younger model.

I think ‘well, they secretly must be unhappy’ is something people like to tell themselves in order to feel better about others ‘having it easy’ tbh. As if good fortune in one aspect of life has to be balanced out by poor fortune in another.

As much as you may be loathe to admit it, money does indeed correlate with greater happiness in life. Why wouldn’t it? A significant amount of unhappiness is caused by problems that money could solve.

Life isn’t ‘fair’, and it never has been fair. What does resenting those with more do for you, though? Is being jealous and bitter good for you? Would someone else’s life being worse actually do anything to improve your own?

Agree.

Yeah, people tell themselves that rich people are all secretly desperately unhappy but there is a very clear correlation between wealth and well-being. Even in one’s own life. Very few people would accept having less money than they currently have (hence the pushback around increasing taxes), most people strive for more wealth.

In a way, they are doing well financially because their parents chose to only have children. We can make the same choice if we think it is better for out children to be left with more money. Some parents chose to have 4 or 5, I guess that is a selfish choice!

Yes that’s sort of true but also they’re not just only children, they’re the only children in the family so have inherited from grandparents, aunts, uncles.

I don’t blame people for passing on their wealth to their children. Why shouldn’t they.

It just makes you think.

I def wouldn't. I look at my DH's cousins children who at 16 and 18 are so blasé. They don't appreciate anything because they are so used to luxury. The 18 year old was handed 10 k to do some sightseeing in Europe this summer with friends. Even if I had the money I would make my 18 year old work in order to experience real life and the satisfaction of earning his own money. The 18 year old is off to study in a European country now, dad is paying for a 100 sq feet appt for him and his friend. He's never taken the metro, always takes an uber. He's 18 and so entitled, egocentric, lazy and boring that I think his dad has set him up for failure. I can't be jealous of that because I would hate if my son behaved like he does.

I totally get that aspect as well, I imagine you’d have to create a balance between helping them out but also make sure they are independent and that they can make their own way in life.

But you don't always know what people have been through to get where they are.
I was funded through uni - I did a course which was 40+ hrs a week of lectures plus 20+ hours study, and 2nd and 3rd year I had to move house every 6 weeks for placements so working would have been challenging. My Dad came from absolute poverty with a violent Dad who drank all their money, many days his only meal was his school lunch until he got a paper round and bought food and stashed it under his bed, neighbours fed him during school holidays. He was kicked out at 16 with the clothes he was wearing and thats it, sofasurfed, worked his way up and eventually did really well. He has always battled with an eating disorder and other health issues due to his childhood. And now has dementia so his incredibly hard earned money will all go on care home fees. So yes I got my uni costs paid, and yes I got 5k towards my first house deposit. Is that unfair that my Dad chose to give me a better start than he had through working his way up from literally nothing. No, his money, his choices. He is proof that anyone can make it with hard work, good choices, determination and integrity.

And yet people freak out at the suggestion of taxing those people more

They do!
I will never understand why people are happy to pay more tax on money they work hard for and have to spread thinly so that others can inherit hundreds of thousands of pounds of free money they didn't do a single thing for, completely tax free.

Artic your right in your post. I think if you just handed things nothing is a treat. I know my daughter will have to save for cars etc her cousin is just given one. Can see how people are spoilt or entitled. They carry that through in workplace then.

I get you @Loveyournails but I have to agree with others, that you don't know for sure what anyone has actually been through. (Or is going through.) I mean, I get what you mean about Taylor Swift, she is pretty, rich, had a privileged childhood, has a lovely caring family, and an amazing career, and is loved by millions. But I bet there is something in her life that makes her sad.

On paper some people may think I am 'lucky.' Lovely rural home, close with my husband and DC, only need to work part time, nice car, no financial worries, nice holiday every year, all mod cons, lots of nice hobbies. But people don't know what I've been through in the past. I'm not going into it, but there is emotional and mental abuse, and financial hardship and poverty in my past. Along with other things I'd rather not go into. To look at me you would think I was the happiest person who ever lived, who had never had a single worry in the world.

I was a bit envious of one of my DH's work colleagues some 12-13 years back. She has 2 siblings she was close to, went on holiday with (the 3 of them and their 6 combined children, and their partners,) had BBQs and parties, and seemed like such a big close family. Her husband had a successful business that made them loads of money. She only worked 10 hours a week.

Her mum died in 2014, and she (and her 2 siblings) inherited her house. Got £150K each. She and her husband sold their house and bought one 50% bigger... Money makes money I thought 🙄

Then in 2016, her husband's business went under, and went into administration, and the house was repossessed, and all their money was gone, as it turns out he was 100s of 1000s in debt, and owed shit loads of tax.. They now live in a private let flat that costs them £900 a month, she is having to work full time (at 55,) and he works all the hours God sends. They have one 17 year old car between them. Everything is gone. She and her 2 siblings barely speak now, as she asked them to help financially, and they both said no. I wasn't so envious then!

Also, a young woman I know in my village seemed to have it all... 15-18 family members within 5-10 minutes walk (including mum, dad, gran and grandad, 2 aunts and uncles, 4 cousins and partners, and then there's her and her DH and 3 DC ...) She had 3 kids within 6 years, (first one at 21,) and is now 27, so was young when she started.

They all seem(ed) so close, going on holiday together, big family Christmases, meals out together, lots of daytrips to the beach etc etc. I have only my 2 adult DC and my DH. Barely any family left. Parents - and parents in laws dead, most aunts and uncles dead, grandparents dead, and mine and DH's siblings (1 each) live abroad and we rarely see them. Apart from our 2 adult DC we have only a couple of aunts and a couple of cousins in our life who we see maybe twice a year and who lives 100s of miles away.

I saw this young woman last week, and we popped into a cafe for a coffee. Long story short, she burst out crying, and said she feels so low. So trapped, and suffocated. She should never have settled down and got married at 19 to her childhood sweetheart, she should never had had kids yet, and her family suffocate her.

She never gets a minute's peace, as someone is always in her house. Cousins come, aunts visit, her mum and gran are there every day. She gave up work when she was pregnant with her first child, and hasn't gone back, and her husband says she can't because she needs to look after the kids. And her parents are against her going to work too, and she's too scared and timid to fight back. She loves her 3 kids, but she is utterly trapped, she hates her life, and she has no way out. I was stunned, as she always presents as super happy on Facebook. Just goes to show that you can't believe everything you read on social media.

tr;dr as many posters have said @Loveyournails you can't always believe what you read and what you see. I do agree though, that I would rather be rich than poor, as quite honestly, whilst money can't buy happiness, the lack of it brings misery. And I think you're far more likely to be happy if you're rich than if you're poor. I have never been happier since my financial problems ceased to exist, and DH and I became solvent. (Around a decade ago,) I was almost always unhappy and low when we were struggling financially. We argued a lot more too.

This. If you have a warm bed, clean running water, no one trying to shoot you, food, can read, can vote, can switch on a light, can access healthcare in an emergency, you’re richer than most of the world.

I spent some time with someone recently from Central America. He spoke warmly about his brother. One of the things he said was that his brother was a foot taller than him. Because the family weren’t starving by the time his brother came along. Thank goodness. Imagine being grateful that at least your brother didn’t also suffer malnutrition, just you.

And all by a simple accident of birth. Don’t be ungrateful for the immense gift you have been given.

I have meaningful work and would never envy someone without it.

I also like that everything I have I earned.i love that I’ve supported myself entirely for 30 years. It’s very very satisfying,

@Loveyournails I understand.

I came from a normal background, although my parents had money to give us when needed.

My parents have now died, in their 90's, and we are very fortunate to have sufficient inheritance to see both boys through uni without them having to work.

We are very fortunate indeed.

@Bushmillsbabe He is proof that anyone can make it with hard work, good choices, determination and integrity.

You forgot being born relatively healthy, not disabled, and having the inborn luck to have the right personal qualities. Which not everyone has.

I do agree OP. Some people have things very easy indeed.

I used to be a lot richer, and a lot less happy. On my own now, have to save for treats, am very careful with money. But I can truly say I value what I have and am proud of myself for earning an OK living. People who get everything given to them are often - if not always - entitled and unappreciative.

I don't think about it most of the time but every so often I feel this way about my cousin.

She's an only child, very asset rich grandparents (on the side not related to me). When they die, her father inherits half of what they leave behind. Then she will be the sole beneficiary when her parents pass, they have already indicated they will not spend the inheritance and will leave it for her. That will be at least £500k without considering her parents' own assets.

She was put through both a bachelors and a masters degree entirely funded by her parents. She didn't take any loans out at all through her 4 years of higher education.

Her mother bought outright a doer-upper flat in London for her, which was renovated to her specs and again she didn't pay a penny.

She has absolutely no debt, no mortgage. She's now in a self employed career that isn't high earning but it means she sets her own schedule. She met her now fiancé through her work and he is a really good man. She really did get the luck of the draw in life.

Saying all that, I don't regret anything and wouldn't swap my life for hers. My parents are wonderful, I have a lovely sibling, I married the love of my life, we live in our dream house, we're financially comfortable, my job excites me. So I really get what you mean, jealous doesn't seem the right word, but she is very lucky in life and you have to acknowledge that many people won't land on their feet like that.

Yes - I often think in a similar vein to this and truthfully have to stop myself as it makes me feel unwell (as in quite nauseous!) to consider how random life is

I had a loving upbringing and have parents around to help, my friend lost both his parents young.
I haven’t suffered abuse, yet I work with children who’ve suffered horrific abuse and were born into these families with no choice.
I am able to live generally in a way I want to, yet there are people who are just about surviving through war, and famine.

He wasn't born with 'the right personal qualities', 'hard working and determined and honest' isn't like eye colour, it is developed and a choice. And how do you know he doesn't have any disabilities? He is dyslexic and also lost part of his foot in an accident when younger

I’m not really sure of the word, jealousy, bitterness maybe.

Envious and resentful.

Completely get it OP. My cousins partners parents bought them a house, pay all their bills, his grandad gives him £400 per month spending money, her nan gives her around the same and her mum buys their food in and pays for a cleaner. I guess it would bother me so much but when she’s complaining to me that she’s skint (her balance dropped to £999 and she doesn’t like it being below £1k) and I’m here working my arse off with no handouts with £80 left over it gets me.