To think gentle parenting has made some kids unbearable to be around?

[KindButFirmFox]

Boundaries aren’t oppression.
Sometimes “gentle” just looks like “ineffective”.

AIBU to think balance has been lost between empathy and discipline?

Gentle parenting is a type of authoritative parenting rather than permissive

That's absolutely not what it is, you are describing permissive parenting.

Proper gentle parenting is about setting clear boundaries and helping the child understand the what and why of the boundary, not just demanding it of them "because I said so". The boundaries don't flex, they stay firm but the parent just takes a softer approach to helping the child live within the boundary. It can take longer but the idea is it encourages empathy and children behaving within the boundaries set by their parents because they want to, not out of fear of retribution if they don't.

Done properly it can be really effective, with the right child. But a lot of people don't do it properly, and do what you described instead, which again is not what gentle parenting was ever supposed to be.

as usual people don’t understand the difference between gentle parenting and permissive/ shit parenting. It’s easy to blame all the shit parents on gentle parenting when you don’t understand it. Maybe read up about it.

I think people confuse ‘gentle’ parenting with permissive or ineffective parenting.

If gentle means not being authoritarian, never hitting, shouting at nor punishing a child - then we were gentle parents. We also had standards of behaviour and respect and as a result, raised 2 very nice and well behaved boys.

I had a shouty, cross mum. My husband had a dad who hit his children if they were ‘naughty’. Both appalling in different ways and I think we only realised how much our own parents fell short when we had our own children.

Gentle parenting = no/CBA parenting,
& fuck the nuisance the brats cause to others.

There have always been difficult children and ineffective parents in every generation. I just think the framing has shifted. In the past, poor behaviour might have come from fear or lack of nurture, whereas now it sometimes comes from overindulgence or lack of limits. Different cause, same outcome - imbalance either way.

I know you’re saying it’s an over correction, but do you think the gentle parented generation will be less people pleasing? Or will they still avoid conflict because they have no experience of it and they’ll be shocked then the world doesn’t gentle adult them?

Haven't any time for gentle parents and their flimsy thinking.
Parenting your child properly means that the parent has the final say and not giving power to the child while mummy or daddy wimps about before giving in.

You don’t have time for clear and consistent boundaries?

Op is right to call it ‘gentle parenting’ because despite the fact that it is in actual fact permissive or just downright useless parenting, dippy gormless people like the word ‘gentle’ because it’s a positive affirmation of what they think they’re conveying to their child. Unfortunately they’re just selfishly creating problems for the rest of society. I call it pathetic self-indulgent parenting.

Gentle parenting, or whatever parenting, I'd just like to see some decent parenting, some better behaved kids around me. The lovely, delightful well mannered ones are the exception now and the ones who understand 'no' rare too.

I don’t think so. I think unengaged, ill-considered, lazy, unloving parenting can manifest in many ways, and it has ever been so.

If gentle parenting is about enforcing boundaries, what’s not gentle parenting?

It sounds like most ‘gentle’ parenting posters here just want a nice sounding label for their common or garden parenting, or are CBA parents who don’t want to admit it.

It shows many do not understand what gentle parenting is. Constantly getting that and permissive parenting mixed up.

Your thread would be more accurate if you said bad parenting because that's what leads to unbearable kids.

Not ‘gentle ‘ parenting which absolutely has boundaries. But passive parenting definitely 👍

I used to give my son an iPad in restaurants when he was a toddler because he wouldn’t colour or anything at that stage and I didn’t want him disturbing other people and have to run around after him in the restaurant. When he was around 4 I stopped giving him the iPad and now he will colour quietly and will sit during meals. Sometimes it annoys me all the judgy comments about iPads. Who actually cares if they are sitting on an iPad so people can enjoy a meal in peace ? Everything in moderation I say .

I think iPad parenting carries a lot of bad behaviour as well - rather than having to engage with children at meals iPads are just brought out and they are stuck on them.

Mine are both teens and we didn’t get iPads until they were much older!

I think some people try very hard to give their children a better home life than they had and it very often tips over into being permissive. I'm not sure I believe people really confuse that and gentle parenting. I'm probably some kind of authoritative-gentle parenting hybrid and I don't see how it's possible to think that's on the same plan.

I wrote before this - because it becomes an addiction and an inability to be able to sit down and don’t stop with the ipad

I didn't say that at all, don't put words in my mouth.
I always had very clear boundaries with my children and they knew what was expected. Punishment wasn't smacking or being yelled at either, before you decide that was the case, as I was on the recieving end of that as a child from stepfather.
I never hummed and ahhed with my chidren, I explained why things were done the way they were and yes, they had choices if they were reasonable choices.

It’s about facilitating a safe environment where children can show emotion and learn to make choices for themselves whilst being given boundaries. There is discipline it just doesn’t involve shouting and or threats.
it’s significantly harder than permissive and authoritarian parenting.
most people probably use it to some degree or another.

You said you had no time for gentle parenting, the key to gentle parenting is having very clear and consistent boundaries.

My rule was always no screens on public transport and eating out and it worked for us. I do not care if anyone else's child is on a tablet and I don't sit and look around for people to be disapproving of. My only qualification is people in restaurants/trains etc letting their kids do this at full volume. That's definitely a parenting issue.

Yawn. There is almost literally a thread on this once a week from some soul who thinks they've had an earth-shattering epiphany.

Invariably it's people who don't know the difference between "gentle parenting" and "permissive parenting". Invariably its someone huffing about parents not having "boundaries" based on having observed a handful of unrelated incidents in a restaurant where a child was behaving poorly and where the poster knows nothing about the circumstances. Invariably it then leads to a rant about poor parenting standards, middle class indulgence and kids called Tarquin and Jocasta and how it never did them any harm to be sent to bed without dinner or sent out to play in the cold for eight hours.

If I want this sort of warmed over nostalgia I'll read Charles Dickens.

It’s shocking. Obviously I commend treating children with kindness and patience. But I’ve seen children taking the absolute piss and extremely feckless parents not setting any boundaries at all.