To think gentle parenting has made some kids unbearable to be around?

[KindButFirmFox]

Boundaries aren’t oppression.
Sometimes “gentle” just looks like “ineffective”.

AIBU to think balance has been lost between empathy and discipline?

I used to get the belt from step father, some people really shouldn't have an animal let along a child if they thinking spanking is ever acceptable.

But you haven’t actually taught him to sit and have a meal in a restaurant in a way that will help his socialisation or his maturity. You have essentially just pacified him.

Yes as a fellow diner I love to see spaced out kids mindlessly staring at screens because I know I can eat in peace, but as an educator and a parent it chills me. We taught our kids to sit still, eat properly and chat quietly - that was the expectation from a very early age. ‘Running around’ was never an option.

We've attended two family weddings this year where children were on iPads during the ceremony. One was around 7, the other 6. No additional needs. I would have been mortified if my now teen couldn't sit still and behave during such an important event. We never did devices at the table either and still don't. Some parents are so afraid or can't be bothered to deal with tantrums that they just cave.

Good idea. I’ve mollycoddled my 3.5 year old for too long. She can sleep in the garden shed tonight and shit in the corner. After all that works for horses.

The problem is that people think “gentle” parenting is permissive or ineffective parenting. It isn’t.

Beat me to it
Now let’s sit back while the cult members gather themselves !

100% agree.

Gentle parents answer me this ;
One of DS's friends was left with DS ( both age 11) in a park next to the school while I went pick u Dd from an after school club. While I was gone ( about 7 minutes) the friend had called a little girl ( same age) a mother fucker. How would you deal with that ?

I was forever shocked by his mother (a gentle parent')s response I cut all contact.

I felt it need a very firm telling off in front of the girl and some fairly significant consequences.

Answers on virtual post card.

It doesn't matter what OP understands gentle parenting to mean.

It's the parents who are completely ineffectual and describe it as gentle parenting that are the problem. Whether they've misunderstood or not.

YANBU.

Yes, and a bit “ I gentle parent, you permissive parent, they don’t parent at all…”

YANBU. I cannot stand the screens everywhere. At restaurants, on trains, in the car. The activity IS the activity!! Screens during other activities is complete insanity and it’s been proven now to be damaging to brain development - yet I still see it everywhere, there is no excuse for it and it causes nothing but stunted development and lack of social skills. I think parents do it because it gives them peace and distracts the children but it’s a complete parenting fail!!! Everytime I see a debate about it there are parents’ defending why they do it. Honestly there is no excuse.

I genuinely think it’s just bad parenting. I’ve never been a “tough love” kind of parent, my kids absolutely come first, I give them autonomy and try to be fair, but there are rules and they respect them. I don’t know what the fuck is going on because most their peers are VILE.

He sits quietly now so I don’t see the issue sorry.. But blather on if it makes you feel better about yourself.

I see the screens has already been brought up - sorry I hadn’t read all before posting but glad to see I’m not alone!

Yeah. I had kids before most of friends.

Turns out most of them hve fallen for the gentle parenting dogma and as a result their kids are a nightmare to be around. Mine don’t enjoy spending time with them, they think they are badly behaved and know they would never have got away with such things as toddlers / young children.

I can’t have a conversation with my friends when their kids are around. Not even a single sentence without constant whining and disrupting with zero consequences. It’s ridiculous and really affecting friendships sadly (as they also co sleeep / can’t go out child free in case of upsets the little darlings etc )

@Fleur405

They only do that after you’ve broken them in. Otherwise they are still shitting in their nappy/up the walls and refuse to go to bed. 🖕

There is NEVER, EVER a reason to hit a child. Or anyone else, for that matter. If you can't discipline without resorting to violence, you desperately need parenting classes. We're lagging way behind the rest of Europe by not banning it. And I think you'll find that children in countries where smacking has been banned for decades are much better behaved than British kids.

Agreed in get away from the road etc situations shouting is definitely needed

Anything which has some kind of faddy term is a load of bollocks.

See also baby led weaning. Just give your child food ffs. If it eats it does, if it doesn’t then eventually it will.

I actually do think that this so called gentle parenting is damaging to children.

You go down the “let’s use kind hands” route when your little shit hits someone else’s child and you are teaching them that there are no consequences to their behaviour. A two year old cannot be reasoned with and should therefore be forceably told that they are wrong.

Giving children iPads on a constant basis you are bringing up a generation of children who are incapable of communicating. They can no longer have a conversation with other humans, they do it all online because that’s all they know.

Never raise your voice to your child and they grow up unable to deal with conflict. And they will encounter conflict in their lives, it’s part of life.

In fact it’s often the case that couples who never argue find it harder to cope if they do go through any kind of difficult time in their marriage.

Conflict is part of human nature. It doesn’t need to be violence and having screaming matches, but never having a voice raised against you even vaguely is not normal.

And the upshot is that by the time these kids reach secondary where they’re expected to follow rules they suddenly can’t cope because they’ve been brought up to believe that they are independent spirits who can do as they want, so when they’re told to do something they cry “mental health” and expect the world to take it seriously.

The number of times I see/hear kids talking to their parents like absolute crap when out in public shocks me to the core! Gentle parenting is lazy and ineffective.

I love that your post ended up right between two such posts 😂😂

I do think there has been such a shift in the last 5 years. Toddlers and young children never used to have iPads.

Pre-Covid it was much less of a thing surely.

It’s a phase and will come full circle eventually. My parents’ generation received absolutely no soft love from their parents, and my friends and I were also brought up with ‘tough love’. Some families in my generation have now gone too far the other way.

But he does sit quietly now and is very well behaved in restaurants. He will colour or do something similar during the meal. I never give him an iPad these days. I don’t see what the big deal is about giving them one during certain phases when they are younger. I also let him have one on flights. No biggie in my opinion.

I’d say any parenting where the kids are, and know they are, the most important people in the house is going to create issues.