To have been patronising to the Doctor?

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Sorry, I’ve just read this and it’s long but was very cathartic to write out!!

I have a kidney transplant. I’ve had it for nearly 10 years and was diagnosed with kidney failure after contracting an auto immune disease.

Ive therefore had a LOT of contact with various HCPs over this timeframe and am often taken aback by inappropriate/uneducated comments about it (one RENAL nurse once asked me if my kidneys failed because I ‘ate too much salty foods’ 🙄 .

I was given an emergency appointment this afternoon as I have a painful UTI. I don’t wait to see how these progress but always see GP at first sign as they have travelled to my transplanted kidney before.

Before The appointment I filled in all the online admin about why I was there, what I needed, if I had any conditions etc.

When I went in to see the doctor I started to explain that I’d had some urgency around the toilet. Before I could go any further he interrupted with a ‘let me stop you there…’ and asked me if I was dehydrated, did I do pelvic floor post birth, asked why I had jumped to conclusions that it was a UTI…

I started talking again and explained that I had many before, the feeling was the same … I noticed he wasn’t listening at this point and was looking at his phone. He interrupted again and said he was reluctant to prescribe anything and UTIs can build tolerances…I started to then interrupt him but he put up his hand and went ‘bubububub’ to stop me talking.

He said did I have any pain? I said yes, I was concerned as the pain had travelled up to my kidney and pointed to my pelvis.

He immediately looked very smug and said ‘dear, your kidneys are around your back… i think if the pain is there it may just be your period, or perhaps you pulled a muscle’? He started to stand up and talked about coming back in a week if it hadn’t improved.

At this point I interrupted again and said, in an equally patronising tone ‘dear, you’re right, my non working native kidneys ARE on my back, but my transplanted kidney is at the front and I’m pretty sure I’m at very high risk of hospitalisation if it travels there, which it very much can do as my unrinary tract is shortened’

He spluttered at this point and very abruptly pulled me up for not having mentioned my transplant. I said ‘if you’d have let me finish any one of my sentences or reviewed my notes, you would know this’.

He did end up writing a prescription but tried to have the last word by saying as I walked out ‘next time please do make it very clear you have a transplant’. To which I told him next time to please read the patients notes.

Honestly I’m so sick of being talked over, told what problems might be or even someone trying to tell me (again, GP!!) that I now only had one kidney as I’d had a transplant!!

I despair for anyone who isn’t very well versed in their own conditions and has to navigate these situations and take the word of doctors as gospel!

So AIBU to have replied patronisingly (I NEVER do this and am not quite as quick to quip back as I was today) and should I complain to the practise manager? I don’t know if it’s just the straw that’s broken the camels back!!

and to add, I have some wonderful nurses and doctors on my teams who are amazing which I do recognise!

Good for you!

My sister has a kidney transplant. She has a direct number to the transplant centre to call if she suspects she may have an UTI, or indeed any sign of infection.
I’m amazed you have to go via your GP.

I wish I had your balls! I went to our GP with tingling and pain in one arm. Suspected a trapped nerve (it’s happened before) GP was more interested in banging on about my weight. Giving me diet advice! I left with no answers about my arm but knew all about a keto diet!

Definitely not unreasonable. I despair of GPs at the moment, too many instances if my nearest and dearest being failed by them, happening again and again. I feel very proud of you for speaking up to him.

Hi OP, hope you are feeling better.
I think you've had a rough time on the replies here.
Surely a GP's job is to LISTEN to a patient and make a decision? Not all patients are as clued up as you, some may not use English as their first language or be elderly or have a number of symptoms which they may not know are or aren't relevant.
I wouldn't complain personally as I think he probably realised that he was wrong but I'd ask not to see him again.
Oh and I work frontlne NHS so I know all about time restraints and appointment and breaches!

Going against the grain here, but in Mumsnet-speak you were "drip feeding" - leaving the most crucial and deciding bits of information until the last.
So I voted YABU - your first sentence to that probably overworked doctor should have been "I am a kidney transplant patient and I am concerned that I appear to have a UTI".
Why must you make his job harder for him and waste his time with what sounds like several minutes of discussion before you reveal the most important fact?

This is very true. I have had problems with my ears all my life, including major operations. My main gp would always say that it needed the specialist to sort it out but would prescribe antibiotics in the meantime. When I saw a different doctor because l had yet another ear infection, she was very patronising when I said that I was concerned that the lump behind my ear might be because of a mastoid infection, even though I have had the problem with my other ear. She reluctantly prescribed ear drops and took a swab. She then rang me a week later to say that the swab had shown a particular infection and sent me a new prescription. Thankfully, it wasn’t the mastoid bone at fault but this particular doctor temporarily forgot that gp is short for General Practitioner and that, while they know a lot about a wide range of diseases and conditions, they cannot know and should not be expected to know the finer details of each one. We have specialists for this. However, patients tend not to know much about general diseases but can be well-versed in their own conditions and this can help their doctor in turn. Finally, l think the worst non-thinking l have seen in the medical profession was an ENT consultant who, when I went in was talking to his computer, which was placed at a right angle to the patients. I then had to politely ask him to face me as I am hard of hearing. Surely, it should have been second nature in this particular specialism to face the patients as many of them will be deaf.

Nah yanbu he was patronising towards you, you simply gave him a taste of his own medicine. Ultimately he should have asked you questions and he should have reviewed your medical history it's part of his job.

Good on you, I've worked in a GP practice and Ive heard from some patients that certain GPs can be patronising and not listen.

I am a GP. You did exactly the right thing. People like him give us a bad name. That was a completely ineffective consultation and he needs to (probs wont) do some serious reflecting on why that conversation went so wrong.

Op, it’s not my style to be rude to people particularly ones who work with the public, but WELL DONE you!!
my child has been unwell too and I saw 5 different nurse practitioners who told me to get on with things as it’s just a virus. I pointed out the last virus saw the world go into lockdown!! Last nurse shushed me when trying to explain… took my child back today 48 hours after I was shushed… bronchitis!! I wish I had the nerve at the time to speak up my little one would be in a better position!!!

Last time I had one, I get them regularly due to perimenopause the male Dr suggested it could be an sti & had I had any new partners 🤬 I said I've been with my husband over 25 years I don't think so!

GP's have 5 mins per patient for the urgent appointments. They also see a lot of timewasters (I am not referring to you btw). Its a pressured and stressful job with a lot of responsibility. Help the doctor our by leading with key information - you should have led with 'I have a transplanted kidney and now I am experiencing these symptoms ....'. a GP appointment is like doing an elevator pitch - you have 1 minute to get across the key information they need so lead with the really important facts to help them and you out. We are lucky in this country to have free access to GP's so lets help them out. That said the GP was out of order for not letting you speak and patronising you. He should have listened to the issues and your perspective (expert patient etc) so you had a chance to get across the important facts. He dismissed your concerns to being womens issues (period pain) which is poor practice. You gave him a piece of your mind so good on you ! I hope you are feeling better soon .

I walk into every appointment with a 1 page sheet that lists my major, very complicated, medical history in short bullet points and my medications. It takes no more than 1 minute to scan. I keep it up to date at all times and print out a fresh copy for every visit. It still doesn’t help with doctors like this because they won’t take it.

And in Mumsnet speak, you have not RTFT

It was not several minutes of discussion, it was maybe 5 words before I was interrupted

Thank you. Yes, I’m aware they have limited time, that’s why they ask patients to complete a short form online with key information, which you’ll see I have shared. I would expect a 10 second glance at that but perhaps I expect too much!

But in future I will also lead with the tx first as I speak to anyone medical

Luckily I don’t need to in the renal ward!

This is terrible. Sorry you experienced this.

Hope you feel better soon. X

In an ideal world, the doctor should have enough time to glance over your medical history and notes, but if my DH was seeing a new GP for the first time, the GP would probably need 40 minutes preparation. It's a 20 year history of cardiac interventions, and the paper version is 12 inches thick. The NHS has triumphed and saved his life on several occasions, and DH has repaid what he has cost because his business went from strength to strength after he was resuscitated. Once he hits 70, which is about 10 weeks away, I fear that the brilliant care we have had will stop quite suddenly.

As I said, I’m very lucky to have my consultants number in my mobile so I always text him, he liaises with microbiology and instructs the GP what to prescribe. My GP is 10 mins up the road vs 40 mins to the hospital, the only catch is I need an appt before they’ll prescribe which is a pain but I’ve never had an appt like this before!

It’s hard work sometimes isn’t it?

DH has had his kidney Tx for 40+ years and spent a lot of time in hospital this year, he was quite poorly at one point and being shifted round various medical wards.

I had to get quite stroppy (I do mean assertive) at one point in A&E when they weren’t picking up on his obvious sepsis.

What a good idea. I'm going to try that next time.
Thanks...

Maybe they are a doctor, ergo not RTFT 😂

YANBU that's so not acceptable from the GP. I would have been furious.

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