To have been patronising to the Doctor?

[LiveTellyPhrase]

Sorry, I’ve just read this and it’s long but was very cathartic to write out!!

I have a kidney transplant. I’ve had it for nearly 10 years and was diagnosed with kidney failure after contracting an auto immune disease.

Ive therefore had a LOT of contact with various HCPs over this timeframe and am often taken aback by inappropriate/uneducated comments about it (one RENAL nurse once asked me if my kidneys failed because I ‘ate too much salty foods’ 🙄 .

I was given an emergency appointment this afternoon as I have a painful UTI. I don’t wait to see how these progress but always see GP at first sign as they have travelled to my transplanted kidney before.

Before The appointment I filled in all the online admin about why I was there, what I needed, if I had any conditions etc.

When I went in to see the doctor I started to explain that I’d had some urgency around the toilet. Before I could go any further he interrupted with a ‘let me stop you there…’ and asked me if I was dehydrated, did I do pelvic floor post birth, asked why I had jumped to conclusions that it was a UTI…

I started talking again and explained that I had many before, the feeling was the same … I noticed he wasn’t listening at this point and was looking at his phone. He interrupted again and said he was reluctant to prescribe anything and UTIs can build tolerances…I started to then interrupt him but he put up his hand and went ‘bubububub’ to stop me talking.

He said did I have any pain? I said yes, I was concerned as the pain had travelled up to my kidney and pointed to my pelvis.

He immediately looked very smug and said ‘dear, your kidneys are around your back… i think if the pain is there it may just be your period, or perhaps you pulled a muscle’? He started to stand up and talked about coming back in a week if it hadn’t improved.

At this point I interrupted again and said, in an equally patronising tone ‘dear, you’re right, my non working native kidneys ARE on my back, but my transplanted kidney is at the front and I’m pretty sure I’m at very high risk of hospitalisation if it travels there, which it very much can do as my unrinary tract is shortened’

He spluttered at this point and very abruptly pulled me up for not having mentioned my transplant. I said ‘if you’d have let me finish any one of my sentences or reviewed my notes, you would know this’.

He did end up writing a prescription but tried to have the last word by saying as I walked out ‘next time please do make it very clear you have a transplant’. To which I told him next time to please read the patients notes.

Honestly I’m so sick of being talked over, told what problems might be or even someone trying to tell me (again, GP!!) that I now only had one kidney as I’d had a transplant!!

I despair for anyone who isn’t very well versed in their own conditions and has to navigate these situations and take the word of doctors as gospel!

So AIBU to have replied patronisingly (I NEVER do this and am not quite as quick to quip back as I was today) and should I complain to the practise manager? I don’t know if it’s just the straw that’s broken the camels back!!

and to add, I have some wonderful nurses and doctors on my teams who are amazing which I do recognise!

Nearly 20 years post kidney transplant here OP.
My opening comment at almost every GP consultation (and appointment booking interaction) is, "Hello. I'm a transplant recipient....."
I find it focuses the listeners mind from the outset.

Good for you! Honestly, had he just let you finish or as you say, read your notes! Hope he’s learned a lesson

That was a joy to read.

Especially after he had put his hand up and said bubububub - how utterly INFURIATING!!

a friends mother went to the doctor with lowere back pain-done the same thing said can i stop you its acid reflux

it was cancer-theyre not fit for purpose

Oh wow! 20 years! How wonderful!

I will absolutely follow this advice. You’re right, it focuses the conversation!

Maybe you should have mentioned the teansplant first, but we are not all completely perfect patients, and he just didn't let you speak. He could be shutting down other patients who are embarrassed about their condition or scared, so don'tget straight to the point. He needs to learn about active listening. Or just not being an arsehole.

What a rude fucking pig. Yes I would one hundred percent complain. I can’t believe in this day and age GPs call patients ‘dear’. What a condescending dick.

You say you got five words out before he interrupted you.

I have a kidney transplant - that is five words.

Those should have been the five words you spoke first, and the conversation would have gone very differently.

Absolutely this. I have a long and complicated medical history and the best clinician I've ever been treated by would ask me what I thought my future dosing of medication should be, because she knew I had years of experience of seeing my own body react to it. She knew her stuff and wasn't afraid to say so but neither was she afraid of hearing the patient's experience and view. The worst ones are the kind you got, OP, who are desperate to disagree with you to prove they know best.

Nope, not at all unreasonable. He was being intentionally rude and dismissive - you were right to call him out. Maybe it would have given him the shock he needed to not be so rude to his remaining patients that day. Well done you for advocating for yourself.

Some Doctors aren't worthy of the title. One asked my "end of life" mother, who was in a hospice at the time, "if your heart stops, would you like us to restart it for you?"
I mean , if only it was that simple 🤯

It doesn’t always
I start with “I am neutropenic”
it’s always followed by “why” so I explain it’s autoimmune
every single time “why do you have that”
usually with “well your bloods are fine”

I dunno why I have it! Isn’t that the case with most autoimmune conditions

@LiveTellyPhrase definitely make a complaint. A GP's arrogance led to my aunt dying. All of her complaints were dismissed for well over a year, well the ones she could get in as her Dr talked over her too. When she received her terminal diagnosis, with just a few weeks left to live, she did go back to him and made sure that he heard her when she said his ambivilance had killed her. Who knows whether that had any effect. It didn't really help her much. She lodged a complaint before she died though.

She probably and reasonably expected him to have read what she’d filled in online.

How did you manage to stay so calm?

I have lupus nephritis and honestly the condescending manner of some Dr's us bewildering. I recently filled in the GP triage form saw a Dr I didn't know who was the same as yourswouldn't let me get a word in edgeways, gave me a fit note I didn't ask for, (and refused to use) sent me to my rheumatologist who said no not a rheumatology issue.

I'm under renal and rheumatology in one area but live in another. The difference in care is astounding.

So still got that issues but in the mean time due to lack of availability on my main drug my rheumatology swapped me to a liquid version. I got a very medical text message from my GP saying they can't prescribe. Next thing I know I've got a rheumatology appointment locally. Tried to find out why but got a wall of silence so have to go and am expecting not to be listened to and for them to try and change something that's be working for me for a long time. I'm usually calm vug I've been waking up angry since Saturday so if there's any sign of condescension I'm just going to leave.

Ugh, he sounds awful. He'd have known pretty soon that you had a transplanted kidney if he'd let you finish your sentence! I HATE people who interrupt, and it's happened a lot in my lifetime, usually from MEN.

I had a meeting with a surgeon last week and left with the impression that doctors and other HCPs believe that patients are liars or stupid or both. It's extremely frustrating and insulting. I can definitely empathise.

You’re my hero OP! You handed that condescending misogynistic prick his arse on a plate, and rightly so. He had it coming.

I had a GP like that. The appointment was always a discussion. The downside was that she spoke as if I was also a doctor, so she could be hard to follow. 🤣 She was amazing.

I've had one try to be patronising to me re DD2 when she was little, when I said what I thought her symptoms might be and apologise when I was right (inguinal hernia). I know they do get people reading Google and making up all sorts but it's also useful research if you use it carefully. I also said "I'm worried it might be..." rather than wading in as if knowing it all.

The conversation would have gone very differently if he’d bothered to read any of my triage notes! When you see a client, do you also not bother reading any of their notes on what they want to see you about?

Anyway, I’m definitely going to make a complaint as I’m now in A&E. This isn’t as a direct result of the appointment but if I had been less sure of myself I may have doubted my actions and sat suffering at home

I've previously had to ask my GP if she'd read my notes. She said they didn't have time to do that, so now I assume they haven't.
I did have an urgent appointment recently where I had written in and included pictures of my foot and leg. I asked if she had seen what I had sent in. She replied "I've just got "depression" written here". I felt it was her stock go to answer.

3 different Drs diagnosed my child with a viral infection. One called me an over anxious parent when I insisted that they at least run bloods. Bloods were refused and we were basically shoved out the door. Went straight to a&e, said viral infection was a rare tumour, 2 days later an operation and a multi disciplinary meeting between several specialists lead to a massive complaint to the GP. Ofcourse got the we will do better reply but yet to see any improvement in them!

6 hour wait at A&E. Great stuff. Sorry so many others with chronic/complex medical conditions also struggle to be heard

Oh gosh this is absolutely terrible. I do hope your child is well and recovered now. And I hope that doctor really took stock of his failure to listen!