Warning to all mums

[ILoveHolidaysAbroad]

No matter how wonderful you make your children’s upbringings, they leave and never look back. I did it all for my kids, the best of everything, no expense spared, I worked very part time to be there with them, they had extravagant birthday parties and holidays to Disney land multiple times. Now they are adults and I hardly hear from them. No fall outs. But they just make their own new families and you become discarded.

I think it's like birds ,the nest is full when the birds are grown and need to fly to make their own life .
Children are only lent to us for a little while
I don't think its about being discarded ,it's that we are not central to their life anymore.their own children and partners become central.
I found parenting really intense and full on ,and life is so much easier now they are adults .

"My god, why is everyone being SO horrible to an OP who is missing her children because they're too self-absorbed to be in contact with her much?"

Because we have no idea that is the case at all.
The OP has given us NO information.
Plus, of course we know there is always at least one other version of a story like this.

We have absolutely NO evidence that the children "are too self-absorbed to be in contact with her much".

Erm, that's not exactly what I said, but OK! 🤣

Parenting (good parenting) is a sacrifice, and I could not have done it. Hats off to all the parents.

Found the light of the party!

I'm sorry to hear that 💐

It's lovely to hear you had a close relationship and miss them (if that makes sense?!) I do not feel that at all. There's nothing left other than I hope she is enjoying her life and passes peacefully when the time comes. There will be nothing to miss from a mother/child relationship perspective. I would be devastated if my children felt the same way about me.

The OP was very obviously upset that her children don't bother with her much. It's a scenario that most parents dread - their kids not wanting to be in touch very much once they've left home. Why on earth didn't posters support her instead of IMMEDIATELY jumping to the conclusion that she was the problem? It was very clear to me that she was hurting. This is one of the nastiest threads I've read on here. It's not fair, and I think many posters should apologise to the OP for their lack of support.

Thank you so much. Yes, it's really hard being an adult "orphan." It was only a year ago that I lost my second parent.

I'm really sorry that you had a rubbish mum. That's a tough card to be dealt.

I also think it's about expectations
If you have children for what they can give you ...Ie ...a sense of purpose a sense of belonging,a reason to live ,a reason to get up each morning...

Then obviously your going to struggle when they leave home .,

Or if you see parenting as transactional ,ie ..I gave you XYZ so now I expect you to support me in old age ..or I gave you everything I had of me ..now you don't need me as much ,I feel used ..
Again that's going to lead to disappointment for the parent

If your children become your whole life ,your going to struggle when they leave home .
Really important,that our children don't become our whole life ,we must keep a life for ourselves to fall back on when we are not needed so much ..
It's not healthy to need our children,when they are adults,

This is quite apt for this thread (not that I'm saying OP is anything like Britney!)-
https://amp.nine.com.au/article/d9abd33a-719b-4fa7-ad28-437b23a44414

"I don't know what's going on in their heads !!!" she said. "I always TRIED and TRIED, and maybe that's why they stopped coming here !!! I wanted them to love me so much that I might have overdone it !!!"
Spears' insight into her visits with her boys come days after their father, Kevin Federline, told the Daily Mail they no longer wanted to see their mother for the time being – and that's why they skipped her wedding to Sam Asghari in June.

In her post, Spears said she respected her sons' wishes to visit her "less" but she still found the request "pretty harsh."
"I talk about it because my heart doesn't understand the cruelty. It breaks my heart..." she wrote. "I can't process how I dedicated 20 years of my life to those kids ... everything was about them !!!"

Just quite interesting to see how Britney saw things compared to how her kids saw things.

Re. your first para though, how many people have children for completely pure reasons? That's not human nature! It's also human nature to expect something back, otherwise why would you put yourself through it all? I'd wager that almost all parents expect at least some comfort and connection in their old age, even if they won't admit it. As long as your parent wasn't horrible, I also think that we have a duty to help our parents when they are old and ill, if we can, in whatever form that takes.

Sending hugs x

Britney has deeply severe mental-health issues. I'm not sure she's a helpful example.

I have three adult children and accept that they are all doing their lives now. It is hard to let go but they all know where their parents are and luckily we hear from them fairly regularly plus we give lots of practical and child support for one .
One in Oz and hit and miss with his contact but we know him well! Am wizzing out to Australia 2 weeks today ❤️Am not going to lie…so excited 🥳

The only thing you talk of is material contributions when it comes to their childhood

Perhaps you taught them the price of everything, but the value of nothing

So then you must expect to find it difficult when life changes and kids grow and move on ..

No, not always the case.
I speak to my mother every 2 days. DH speaks to his about every 4 days.

It's arrogant to assume your own experiences are the same as others really.

Three adult children here and I don’t feel discarded in any way

There's a reason why the long-running threads for adult children of abusive parents are called "But we took you to Stately Homes" ...

Sorry you feel 'discarded' OP - that sounds miserable.

Were you close to your parents and in-laws as you children have been growing up?

Let them. And do what you want to do in life. What hobbies and passions you have that you could now fully get into since your children are grown up and away? Embrace this time in your life. This is an opportunity for something greater than just being someone's mum. I personally call my mother maybe every three months. Not all families are close and that's OK.

Yeah I'm afraid you've fooled no one there, other than other "woe is me my child abandoned me even though I'm a perfect mummy" types.

That's true, she's a very extreme example. I just happened to be reading about her today.

Same and I'm in my 50s. They always come here for a couple of weeks over Christmas too.

DH takes his mum to lunch every week and we often pop round at other times.

And we are close to our 2 adult DSs

I’m sorry to hear that but it’s not true for everyone.

My mum is my best friend, I speak to her multiple times a day.

I hope you have good friends around you for support.