Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

[BottleDown]

My partner of 5 years is an alcoholic. We have a young child. I am making plans to leave, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

If there’s an alcoholic in your life, what has happened to them?

I have known three alcoholics. Two died of liver disease in their 50s and one died of an alcoholic overdose in their 30s. Liver disease is a very nasty way to die.

My DH is one - he was drinking more than a bottle of whisky a day at his worst. He suddenly saw the light and knew he had to stop, went cold turkey, which I stayed with him through and he's now been sober for 25 years.

Yes, me, due to undiagnosed asd, I wanted it to finish me off, but im still here, stopped in Feb this year, can't say I feel better about life, but I have lost 5 stone. I think in your case you're doing the right thing, an alcoholic around kids is a no no generally.

Both did untold damage to their children.

Same experience here. I had two alcoholics in my family. They are both dead now and died far too young but in both cases they severely fucked up their children and there is lasting damage even now they are gone.

Please get your children out of this situation. You cannot save a sinking ship......he has to help himself and if you stay he'll drag you and the kids under with him. Trust me, I know.

He's living on the streets. Sleeping on cardboard behind a parade of shops in a dismal town. He had a gift for language, a sharp wit and a fundamental kindness and generosity. He worked in TV and you'd have seen his name zoom past on the credits of popular shows. He won awards in his industry. He also inherited half a million pounds. Drank it all, exploded every relationship, lost all his possessions, left a trail of unpaid debts. He's now in the grip of alcohol-induced delusions and unlikely to live to 55 (he's 53).

I dated an alcoholic for a short time and fuck me I'd never become involved with one EVER again, I'd run for the fucking hills. I know it's a disease but the mood swings, selfishness, self destruction, blame deflection and total misery they inflict on everyone around them is, in my opinion, inexcusable and unforgivable. I believe this guy did eventually get sober but it damaged every friendship and relationship he had beyond repair and ruined his career. This was all ten years ago at least but I am still very wary of people who get angry or lose control when they're drunk.

I've a colleague atm who is a clever woman in her 40s, but she drinks far too much and if some of the team nip to the pub after work for one or two, she will get blind drunk to the point she can't walk, but then she strolls in the next day as if nothing has happened. Doesn't even mention falling over in the street the night before. I am worried about her tbh.

My mother in law drank herself to death. Died of a gastric haemorrhage but prior to that had gout, alcoholic dementia and bowel cancer all cause by drinking. She was skeletally thin at the end and used to watch Shaun the Sheep on loop.

At one point her gout was so bad and she was so weak she used to get a taxi 50m to the corner shop to buy vodka. They stopped serving her in the end.

Several family members (all on the same side).

My grandfather lived to a very ripe old age, drinking heavily throughout and having acquired many injuries whilst drunk. Of his children a few are alcoholics - two divorced, one because his wife wouldn’t put up with it and the other because actually his wife was even more gripped by alcohol addiction. Another of his children is a relatively functioning alcoholic, fancy clothes, wine for breakfast and whisky for lunch. Funny stories but she doesn’t realise she repeats them on a loop.
My parent is a very low drinker and other sibling is teetotal and clearly traumatised, hates to be with anyone drinking alcohol (can’t blame them).

Honestly the alcoholism of one man was so normalised and tolerated and affected so many lives, and continues to do so.
Some of my generation also are alcoholics or married them.

I think binge drinking is so engrained in our society that it must be even more difficult being a recovering alcoholic. Signs everywhere for gin o’clock and birthday cards all about getting shitfaced.

Support for all those struggling with alcohol addiction.

I know of three people in my husband's extended family who are alcoholics. Sadly, one passed away in 2016 in his early 60's due to alcohol related illnesses. The other has heart failure and a stroke, all due to excessive alcohol and is currently sober (although we've been here before) and is in their late 70's. The other person is in their early 40's and has been in rehab 4 times in 19 years. Stays sober for a period of time and then relapses. He's been homeless at various points in the last 19 years too. He's had a lot of family/friend support but nothing seems to work. Unfortunately, as sad as it is, I don't think he'll live to old bones, as he knew has health issues due to alcohol.

Yes, several including OH. His friend's wife died in her late 40s (liver), my friend died just after his 50th (varicel bleeding) OH doesn't see himself as an alcoholic because he os pretty fit/ has a job/ isn't in the gutter but he has given up so much of his life choosing alcohol over relationship, over experiences and over his health.

There are several other alcoholics/ problem drinkers in his friend group at the local so it has been normalised to drink every evening/ get drunk every weekend and he doesn't see any similarities between that and the people who've died from it.

I knew one and she died in her 50s after a long, slow decline. The end was completely degrading for her, not that she was in any state to understand how low she had sunk by the end (once a very proud woman).

Sorry to hear that you have been affected by alcoholism too.

I am so sorry you're having to deal with this OP. But you are doing the right thing for you and your Child.
Both my parents were alcoholics growing up. It made life as a child absolutely miserable. I no longer have a relationship with either. Nothing has changed with them.
I hope the next chapter of your lives is filled with happiness by making this wise choice.

Exactly the same as my dad. He is an alcoholic, but a socially acceptable one for many years drinking at work social events, wine in the house and at rugby games. Horrible to us as a family and his wider family don't speak to him.

He's now in a care home with vascular dementia and Alzheimer's. He's a total mess and paid for by social care due to losing his house as a result of his behaviour. It's heartbreaking to see him like this but I have to remind myself he had choices in his life that caused this.

BIL has been abstinent for 13 years now but at one point we were all worried he wouldn't see his 40's. His then fiance now wife left and told him she couldn't live with his drinking, he stopped with her support and is a different man.
Sadly I don't think his story is the most common outcome.

A friend of a friend, managed to get sober after ending up seriously ill in hospital. Was told she’d die if she drank again. Went on a binge and predictably died. She left a young son behind. Very sad.

Protect yourself and your son, OP.

My Dad. He died alone, miserable, angry and not a single person mourned him. He didn't even get a funeral.

One in my family, she is trying and mostly succeeding to stay sober. She's probably been an alcoholic for 25 years, admitted it properly about 15 years ago and has been mostly sober for the last 10 years. But my god it's still a daily struggle - even with all the support in place. I don't think it will ever leave her.

My SIL, completely enabled by my brother. She doesn't leave the house and has shrinkage of the cerebellum caused by chronic alcoholism.

She was a slim, beautiful, houseproud and outgoing woman, now reduced to living in a house that looks like a squat, with severely matted hair (she used to have it cut and coloured 6 weekly) and eating whatever crap my drug addict brother feeds her. The pair of them are beyond help now- it is so sad.

My dad is an alcoholic. He is a nasty drunk, and was verbally and at times physically abusive when I was growing up. He has significant MH problems and abuse in his own childhood. My mum is still with him, they're in their 70s and she will never leave him now. He's never been physically violent to her, but a lot of verbal agression.

He has been 'sober' for about 8 years, in that he no longer drinks but smokes a lot of cannabis. In a way this is an improvement, but it's impossible to have an actual conversation with him. His mental and physical health are not good.

It's definitely affected me and my siblings. You are doing a brave thing in leaving and in my opinion the right thing to protect your children. I wish you all the best

Be brave and do the right thing OP. I am the child of an alcoholic who lived to a fine old age, so it's sometimes a lifelong burden for the spouse and children to carry. In fact he outlived my non-drinking mother by 20 years - you just never know how strong a person's constitution is. The implications for the next generation of seeing that every single day are profound.

My mother. She has periods of sobriety (up to 4 years). I have very strong boundaries and limit my contact with her

My friend - actually she was a heroin addiction so her bottle of wine and 4 beers a day is good going. I keep boundaries around her too (but hey maybe I should cut her off, it's just so normal y'know).

I seem to meet loads of them, they are drawn to me. My key rules are never support, never rescue, never buy booze, and honestly never confront, absolutely no point.

I would never be in a relationship with one and would get the he'll out if I were you.

Just one, my old boss from 20 years ago. Such an amazing, kind man but the booze destroyed everything, his relationship with his partner, his relationships with his kids, lost his job, home. He was found in a caravan in a caravan park, after being homeless for a while. It was a few months after he died before he was found where nobody checked on him and that made me cry when heard about it. Booze is the demon, and am so sorry that you're going through this and I so hope your partner can turn things around, I really do. Hugs.

My exH. He took his own life due to a mixture of alcoholism and rubbish mental health. Left 2 kids aged 4 and 3, he was 34. I left before the end and I’m so thankful I did. The kids are more stable, I don’t have to tiptoe around everything and not every outing is a quest to find alcohol.

It’s a horrible illness and they have to want to get sober before anything will be done.

From my circle of friends, two dead before 40, plus one with both legs amputated due to poor lifestyle choices