Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

[BottleDown]

My partner of 5 years is an alcoholic. We have a young child. I am making plans to leave, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

If there’s an alcoholic in your life, what has happened to them?

I mention naltrexone helped the only person I know who was an alcoholic who is not dead. But it had to come from her, as the addict, to want to solve it.

My friend's dad was an alcoholic. He died at home in his early 50s and was found by my friend going to visit him as she hadn't heard from him for a while.

An ex boyfriend of mine was also an alcoholic who occasionally took drugs (cocaine). He died at the age of 40 from a massive heart attack after going on a bender.

I've not known of many alcoholics who haven't been dead by the time they were in their 50s tbh. It is a grim life.

My ex best friend is an alcoholic. We were friends for 40 years, she was my person, the one I could tell anything too and never feel judged. Then she gradually became an alcoholic and the loving wonderful woman she was.....gone. She turned into a bitter, nasty, spiteful woman, who told so many lies you could never believe what she said. In the last conversation we had, she told me she was in rehab and hadnt had a drink for 3 months....which then became 2 months.....which then because 2 weeks. She was absolutely drunk out of her mind, yet still expected me to believe she was sober.

Apparently she really now is in rehab and has been dry for a 2 weeks. I cant have her in my life, it's impossible to be friends with an addict if they will not accept they need help. And not just say it, but do it. My friend won't live to see 60 unless she sorts herself out and I am done watching someone I love (loved really) self destruct. A real shame.

one my BILs he died and left two teenaged daughters traumatised.

A colleague who went into treatment and recovered

An ex, we split up due to his drinking and some other stuff too, he is a functioning alcoholic from a family of very heavy drinkers, He used to be really good looking but drink has taken its toll

Wrapped themselves around a tree driving home in the early morning from a binge. Early 30’s. Luckily no other motorist involved, could have been a lot worse.

Uncle.
Functioning alcoholic for most of his adulthood.
Never married or had kids.
He stopped drinking abruptly at age 50 due to declining health.
He is now 60 and dealing with a massive range of medical issues including Parkinsons, dementia, diabetes, and is a wheelchair user. I've no idea how much alcohol contributed to his shit health, but it won't have helped.

Al-Anon really helped me; I went to online meetings when DD was asleep (which at the time was patchy whether she'd be asleep on time). I had years of counselling to try and deal with it all and Al-Anon gave me the tools to actually understand addiction and strength to leave. They don't tell you to leave, but they tell you how to work on yourself and not focus on the alcoholic and that's what did it for me.

Happy for you to search my name for what I went through in Jan this year to leave.

My ex and I are good friends and it's worked out well, but his primary relationship is still with alcohol. He won't have DD overnight and he won't have her a minute longer than he needs to, because the minute she's with me he hits the bottle (thankfully he has just about enough self control not to drink when she's with him - once a week for about 7 hours).

Single parenthood is very tough, but I am SO much happier because I don't live with resentment any more, so actually I can deal with it much better than when I didn't have to do everything on my own!

My Nan and great aunt were both alcoholics but both lived to 70+ , I worked with an alcoholic nurse , but she eventually got too bad to work , her marriage split up , husband got the kids and then she had a fall and died in her mid 30s .

Yep - he was a functioning alcoholic for many years. Retired and died a few years later as he had nothing else to do but drink. Took about 4 weeks to die in hospital but they couldn't stop him bleeding internally after a fall. His death was awful to watch. His wife stayed but she lived her own life as she couldn't bring herself to leave. Saddest thing I've ever watched happen.

Died a hideous death in his 30's of liver disease.

You do hear a lot of 'they need to hit rock bottom' but you don't hear much of the reality that for many alcoholics rock bottom is death.

Spot on. Sorry OP. Is there an online Al-anon group you could go to so you don’t have to leave baby?

Similar with my dad. He was a functioning alcoholic and a university professor. He retired set up a vineyard and drank a lot. He died of dementia at 79 but we think he was diagnosed earlier than he let on and covered it with drink. He was very manipulative and narcissistic.

Go to Al anon. It totally transformed my attitude.

My dad was an alcoholic.

Not the type where he’d be drunk all day, but he was clocking up 90 units a week. 5 pints and a bottle of wine after dinner every night. He had a very stressful job.

He nearly died in 2021 and had to pay privately for heart surgery. He was told in no uncertain terms that he would die if he kept drinking the way he used to.

He has less than 2 pints a week now.

My mum. She died at 42 and I was 17.

Yes, a close relative. It’s extraordinarily sad. She had everything going for her in her twenties-really bright, funny and exceptionally beautiful. She was the life and soul of the party.
We are now NC. She drank through two pregnancies, lost her job, her husband divorced her and brought up the kids. She lives in her mother’s house now. People tell me it’s like a museum of the 1980s. She’s changed nothing. She has caused so much damage and heartache. I feel sad, and frustrated but also angry because of all the lies. Life is easier being NC.

He got sober during our relationship.

Doctor gave him medication, Can't remember the name of it, something like Lebrium. Was prescribed it for a week and then he was on his own.

He must have drank in excess of 300 cans per week and it must be 7 years or more now since he sobered up.

My father is an alcoholic who never admitted it to anyone but we all knew. He would drink a bottle of wine every night without fail followed up with several large whiskies. Aside from the fact that he was moody and unpredictable he now has brain damage (caused by excess alcohol) and lives in a care facility.

The long term outlook is pretty grim if they can’t completely stop, I’d cut your losses and run for the hills for all your sakes.

I know many alcoholics but thankfully they are all in recovery. I am also an alcoholic but now over 20 years without a drink. So there definitely is a solution you just have to want it enough once you have finally realised what you are suffering from. I live a pretty normal life now I just don’t drink alcohol

There are online Al anon meetings if you can't get to an in person meeting. Babes in arms are often allowed in if you don't mind stepping out for a few minutes to settle them if they cry. You can check with your local meeting what they allow.

al-anonuk.org.uk/getting-help/find-a-meeting/

My dad. It killed him. Died age 52

I love all of the stories on here from people who have achieved recovery or love someone who has managed it. I really do <3 it's so beautiful to read. Genuinely, from witnessing addiction I believe it must be one of the hardest things in the world. So it's lovely to know it's possible and it happens.

My brother was an alcoholic and each year seemed to be rock bottom but it got worse until he lost absolutely everything; wife, job, home, health and he still insisted he was in control.
The last time I saw him he looked dreadful, was so ill and was still saying he didn’t know why he was poorly. I said I refused to indulge him like our parents did and walked out. They went along with his charade at pretending he wasn’t an alcoholic. He’d discharged himself from hospital countless times, he laughed when he found out that I had been driving around looking for him.
He died a few weeks after I last saw him, must have been a hideous death but I don’t think any of us could have helped him as he didn’t want it.

Can I ask, was there a lightbulb moment for them or something specific that was said to make them stop? I know there’s no magic cure. My uncle is mid 70s and binges multiple times a week but is the definition of a functioning alcoholic. Has stopped in the past but when life gets difficult in any minor or major way he turns back to the bottle. It’s miserable to watch and we’ve left family events when it’s clear he’s drunk. it’s hard to be around.

Ex-husband was an alcoholic. I divorced him when he was 34. It was the best decision I ever made. He died 10 years later due to the effects of alcoholism. I wish you lots of luck Op.