Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

[BottleDown]

My partner of 5 years is an alcoholic. We have a young child. I am making plans to leave, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

If there’s an alcoholic in your life, what has happened to them?

An uncle is an alcoholic, it got very bad and very worrying and scary for his family. He was with someone for a time who was lovely and sensible and loved and tried to help him, but he left her. Eventually he stopped - probably having hit a ‘rock bottom’ or two. As far as I know he’s been sober for over a decade, has a good relationship and a decent life (though addiction did for his career)

My mum. When I was about 12, she lost her driving licence after crashing into a parked car, thank god nobody was hurt. My teenage years were hell, she was always drunk, often didn't know what day it was. When I told her I was pregnant I hoped she'd stop, 4 months later she accidentally overdosed on paracetamol which finished off what was left of her liver. She was 44.

I've known 2 alcoholics. One was my late dad who died of cancer in 1984. The other was an ex boyfriend. I don't know what happened to him and quite frankly,I don't care.

I’m amazed how many women are mentioned on this thread - I’ve always tended to think of it more as a ‘male’ thing - I do have a very lovely friend early 40s who stopped around 3 years ago, very much life and soul of any party and a bit if a binge drinker but not every day by along way -I’m amazed she has kept it up but she has!!

An uncle of mine was an alcoholic who developed throat cancer and died of covid during his treatment in his early 70's. My husband's dad and brother both have drinking problems and a good friend of mine. Mostly they seem to be getting away with it for now in regard to their wives putting up with it. Well FIL has liver disease now, a lot of the older men I know have passed away with some kind of liver disease from heavy drinking in their 70's.

I don't drink at all and DH only drinks very lightly once a week or less. I personally wouldn't stay with an alcoholic or heavy drinker.

Sorry I should add that one of my best friends is/was an alcoholic but has been sober with AA for nearly 8 years now I think. She's experienced horrific trauma and I honestly dont know how she stands up every day. But she does and continues to fight.

In response to the poster who was saying about the negativity- I love all the alcoholics in my life. Dearly. Even when they hurt me or let me down for the fifty millionth time. I can love them as a person and know they are good people and also recognise they have a disease which is harmful and very negative. The key to coping with it is separating the two.

A few, over the years. One was hit by a car and killed while they were stumbling around drunk in town one night (unsurprising, they seemed to just disappear into their own world after so many pints), one has tanked every good thing in his life, relationships, jobs, everything and been done for drink driving repeatedly, one used to be a fun, funny drunk but is now increasingly erratic and paranoid so is pushing everyone in their life away… there’s no happy endings anyway.

My mother, died at 69
I knew a guy, quite fancied him until I noted the drinking. I worried, decided not to date him but stayed friendly. We watched him deteriorate. He was still in the friend group. He was dead at 32. We all tried to help but it was like watching a car crash in slow motion.

A female school friend who died age 52, she no longer had her children in her care. She worked right up to around a year before she died but then her addiction took over her life

DH real mother who tortured him in his younger years whilst his father was a long distance lorry driver. All came to a head when a neighbour finally stepped in having found him (not for the first time) locked out of the house late at night in his PJs.

Father kicked her out. DH chose never to see her again, but she lived in the area local to him and his dad so he used to bump into her in town and she just used to stare at him from afar which would make him shake.

She died a couple of years after DH and I first got together (he would have been 36 at the time I think) we went to the funeral so he could ‘make sure she had really gone’. Apparently it appears she met and married someone else and actually sorted herself out, but by then the damage was done.

I don’t know the half of what he’s been through, but knowing what I do is enough to marvel at how he came out to be the man he is today!

3 - one who has not had a drink for well over 20 years but still classes themself as an alcoholic and runs a charity that provides addiction support services
Second died 5+ years ago from an unintended alcohol and prescription medication overdose
Third is under 1 year alcohol free but determined to kick it and stay that way

My husbands 2 closest friends were both alcoholics- one of them died from it a few years ago the other goes through cycles of rehab then falling off the wagon again, can't hold down a job and has been divorced 3 times. My brother was also an alcoholic after many years of being a drug addict and he died a couple of years ago in his mid forties. It is an illness but there is also an element of choice sometimes in that they will get sober and stay sober for a while but then choose to go back to it. It's not an easy choice for you but I would remove myself and my children from that situation if you can.

Yes my kids dad is/ was one. After 8 years I'd had enough so I told him we were over, he drank a bottle of vodka & set fire to our house.... he's currently in prison for arson

Sorry about your partner OP.
My family member managed surprisingly well until he reached his fifties, then got gradually worse and died of alcoholic poisoning at 70.

I’m so very sorry -

I know two that I’m aware of.

One is a family member. He was a full blown alcoholic; lost his license, notorious locally for his drinking, treated his wife dreadfully, drinking most of the day, impacting his business, he lost friends.

His wife gave him an ultimatum and meant it. Amazingly he stopped there and then, and never drank a drop again. He has been sober for over 20+ years.

The other; very bright woman, Oxbridge grad, high flying career. She was caught drinking at work, she was regularly absent, she would injure herself whilst drunk, she eventually lost the job, her house and her husband divorced her. She lost subsequent lower level jobs and all her normal friendships stopped.

She moved across the country, lives in an HMO and does low paid work with the occasional volunteering. She apparently doesn’t drink anymore but her life is shattered and her mental health has never recovered.

My dad. Unfortunately he died aged 48 with alcoholic dementia (wernicke-korsakoff) and cancer in his bones (also a heavy smoker). He died when I was 19, he was divorced from my mom, never saw me graduate, get married, never met his grandchildren.

A colleague of mine’s (who is also a good friend) boyfriend is an alcoholic.
She’s expecting their first baby. He’s currently in rehab. I suspect he will relapse when he gets out and I suspect she will then leave him.
Luckily she is a high earner and is not dependent on him financially. The sad thing is that he is a lovely, lovely guy but he always put alcohol first. Guilt follows, remorse, promises to change. Addiction is brutal on everyone.

My exh,,left him 6 years ago. He is a functioning alcoholic in denial. Lost his children, soon to be divorced second time. Lives alone in a bedsit. Smells of booze .

My advice is leave. Your children will be traumatised
. I ran away with mine when he drove drunk with them jn the car, and set fire to the kitchen. Don't let this be your life.

All dead.

It is a really complicated illness. And it is an illness.
@capricorn12 and others who have posted similar things, it is not a choice. Who the hell would choose addiction over sobriety, success, freedom? But so many do because... it is part of a deep rooted cycle of mental ill health and an illness.

My Dad. He died when he was 54 after wrecking every relationship he had, except the one with me and my brother. Outside of the alcoholism he was a genuinely lovely man and I miss him a great deal.

I was married to one. He drank himself to death just after his thirty sixth birthday. I left several times but finally kicked him out six months prior. He left our DC, five and two. At a point you can try and save them, and you probably won’t or you can choose yourself and your child. I think you are doing the right thing. This was three years ago and we are all doing better, despite the trauma and the grief.

My boyfriend managed to hide his alcoholism from me for nearly 2 1/2 years. I found out when he collapsed, was admitted to ICU and died (liver failure, encephalopathy). Horrendous.

Sending you much strength xxx

One died of a heart attack.
One is still drinking, he’s only in his 30s.
One fell down the stairs and has just spent 2 months in hospital having major surgery.
One stopped drinking in his 40s/50s and is sober but the devil lives on his shoulder and I’m not sure he has really made his peace with it.

I think there’s nothing you can do; it’s a terrible illness and selfish. There is an excellent book / audio book called ‘alcohol explained’ by Dr William Porter Xo