Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

[BottleDown]

My partner of 5 years is an alcoholic. We have a young child. I am making plans to leave, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

If there’s an alcoholic in your life, what has happened to them?

Both my natural parents were alcoholics. My mother left me and my younger sister to live with my father a raging alcoholic. Me and my sister suffered neglect violence abuse. We had social services involvement our whole childhood. I ran away from home age 11 and started my journey into foster care. I was placed permanently with a family age 13 who all but adopted me in name. My father died when I was 14. My younger sister had also be removed from his care 2 months before. My social worker went for a routine visit and found him dead aged 58. He had terrible health heart problems pancreatitis. He never once made any attempt at sobreity. My childhood was full of trauma and still affects me now I am aged 45.

My birth mother I never saw again until she died again liver cancer aged 65.

As a child amd now a parent I can't tell how you how angry and bitter I am at them both. Unfortunately due to my experience I rightly or wrongly zero empathy with addicts

Reading this thread has made me realise I am NOT responsible for my sisters alcoholism. I have realised that addicts tell lies and blame others for their addictions. My sister claims I bullied her as a child. I didnt, she is a lot younger than me and I worshipped my little sister. Every so often I get a cartload of abuse from her , I ruined her life etc, then it all goes quiet for a few weeks. I keep expecting a call to say she's deceased. Unless she addresses her addiction issues i think it will happen.
Also remember an old friend who was never a big drinker, lost the love of his life from cancer, he couldn't cope, turned to alcohol and died from pneumonia in a homeless hostel. Very sad x

You have to step out of the crazy world of an addict as staying has the potential to destroy

My partner is a functioning alcoholic in denial! 3 DC together, as much as I say I need to leave I struggle at the thought of him being allowed access alone to my children weekends/evenings if I left.

That's what happened to SIL's husband. The cause of death on his death certificate is alcoholism.

Everyone advised her to leave him, but she had old fashioned views about marriage. She is now bitter and lonely.

My ex-husband. Only ex because of his alcoholism. I left him hoping it would be the thing that would spur him into taking action but it didn't work. He drank himself to death aged 39. I remember reading forums just like this one and feeling so hopeless. Please know you can only do what's best for you and your children, you're not responsible for him and his actions.

Someone very dear to me has unresolved trauma and is an alcoholic. They have a disease which attacks the brain, affecting mobility, personality, quality of life is very poor. They have fits, lose balance and suffer falling injuries, gets confused and cannot keep food down. They have lost weight, have sunken eyes, looks absolutely at deaths door. It will kill them in the next few years. Mid 50s.

My FIL is an alcoholic, retired, functioning as far as I know. Selfish man, chooses booze over family.

2 women I knew both died from alcohol related diseases, both of them hemorrhaged from every orifice due to organ failure and died in agony. That's what it does to you. It's horrible.. behind the addiction is always unresolved trauma.

My friends son was an alcoholic
She was devastated. She iis such a lovely lady.
She tried to help, there was nothing she could do though.
He died 2 years ago. She was even more devastated.

The alcoholic I knew died well before her time.

She was considered a functioning alcoholic - held down a good job, drove around, socialised with friends. But drank alone at home and very much lived a double life. She collapsed at home and died a couple days later in hospital.

Even on her death bed, she remained in denial that she drank too much, despite the doctors saying it was solely down to alcohol. Some people don't see rock bottom, even when they've reached it

An ex was an alcoholic. He died aged 56 (20 years after I left him) and while I was saddened, I can’t say I was surprised.

My father died of liver failure in his late fifties. My uncle is still alive but mostly catatonic, and has seizures and can't live independently as a result. My mum's best friend has throat cancer. My cousin is divorced, unemployed, and not allowed to see his kids. They're all alcoholics though some also had/ have other addictions.

A close family member is. He went to AA in his late 20s and stopped. Jumped straight into a serious relationship and marriage after. That ended in separation after 2 years. Now in his early 50s, married with 2 children. He began drinking again about 5 years ago. I am concerned that he resumed alcohol at all, and think he drinks too much but he seems to be managing his life and health ok without obvious nehative effects. Not like the literal car crash it was in his 20s. I think he is happy now and drink isn't so much of an escape for him, as it was.

My dad. Drank my whole life, found me in my 30s then died two days later from liver cancer.

Alcohol damages their brains so severely that they are incapable of being anything but selfish.

You are right that the OP cannot be her husband’s saviour.

Women already give so much of themselves to men. Supporting someone through sobriety is just a waste of time. They have to do it on their own.

Oh. I had a friend who as an alcoholic. She once asked me to sit in on a meeting with her sister and I have to say it’s the most traumatic thing I’ve ever been a witness too. Think along the lines of being sold as a child for s**. I mean it was horrific and I’ve never forgotten the words. So I knew why she was one

however her parents were multi millionaires. She was paid to go to rehab a good 10 times. Parents threw money at her. Probably though guilt:….

she lied to me once to get money from me and then got gross because she didn’t come to my wedding. (For reference no one apart from our parents came). Plus even if I did invite friends her behaviour when drink was horrific. I remember trying to keep her safe at a club once and it was awful….literally throwing herself at dangerous men….

i decided that my mental health was worth more. Sadly I had to become selfish. I tried for over 25 years but it just became too much. I had young kids and it was getting dangerous to know her as she got further into addiction and then included drugs so drug dealers would be round her house etc

i dont know if she’s dead or alive but her mum died and left her that insane a point of wealth and I was sure she would kill herself if I’m honest.

I haven’t heard anything though. But I don’t know what she’s doing now or if she’s alive.

First one has been sober for 12 years with the help of AA.
Second died before the age of 40.
Third will probably be dead within a couple of years.

I had a relationship with the 1st, the second was a close relative and the third is a long-term friend.

Our neighbour. I thought she was a friend after she attached onto me but she was hiding her addiction. It caused her to fall out with us over nothing, paranoia based, lies and rages. and its a sad state of affairs. Shes made our life hell but I still feel sorry for her. She hid it really well and i think she relapsed during 2020. Looking back now its all obvious. Her husband is a nice man,he must have had so many problems with her falling out with family and friends. Shes 57. I really do hope she sorts herself out and wish her well but feel its gone too far 😢
Some sad stories on here hugs to all xx

This!

this is what I did. Protect myself and the kids and you feel awful doing so….

I know or should say I knew 2 - my uncle and his son, my cousin. Both had messed up lives, my cousin died young in his 50s having lost contact with his dd due to his alcoholism. He knew he had a problem but couldn't seem to do anything about it. very sad

Yeah I “knew” someone…and I distanced myself from him.

He was a (gay/totally platonic) colleague of mine and we became close friends. It started as lunch together which turned into going offsite at Costa etc then after work dinners.

But pretty soon it turned into pub lunches where he would drink alcohol during work lunches, or buy rounds of shots. Or at after work dinner, he would do the same & just binge drink. When I said I didn’t want a drink, he’d buy me one anyway. He literally could not deal with an outing without alcohol.

On the odd occasion I went out with him on the weekend, I remember being shocked at his alcohol tolerance. He would drink amounts that would get me paralytic. I remember once, we went to friend’s dry wedding and he smuggled bottles of alcohol in. He’d be in a bad way too, on occasions getting into fights/arguments, getting lost, running out of taxis etc

I just remember thinking this guy has issues with alcohol and I didn’t like the environment it placed me so I ended the friendship. He ended up going off sick from work from an extended time and I hope he was able to get the help he needed to knock the habit off.

My mother drunk herself to death aged 51 so did my friend at 48.

Father and his brother both functioning alcoholics died respectively aged 71 and 77, both smoked like chimneys from primary school.
Another relative stopped then relapsed,she died in her 70’s from bowel cancer.

Currently watching my friends DH- he relapsed after rehab,he’s still functioning although I don’t think it will be long.

Friend of a friend broke his leg so they kept him in hospital to treat it- guy got DT so they helped him through that,he hasn’t touched the drink in the last 10 years so I hear.

Alcohol wrecks whole families. My mother made mine,my siblings and another 3 relative’s lives hell.It thrives in secrecy.

There’s very thin line between social then habitual then excessive drinking.

All I can say is you can’t stop somebody drinking. You didn’t cause it and you can’t cure it.

Look after yourself and your children OP as you know that your partner’s relationship is primarily with alcohol

Best wishes 💐

My mum. She started drinking when my dad was diagnosed with cancer (treatable and he made a full recovery). She drank heavily for 5 years and died at 46 of alcoholic liver sclerosis. I was 19 at the time, and my brother was 15.

What an emotional read this thread has been, but I think it’s something that I’ve needed to read. Alcoholic for 25 years (although I did have periods of being sober). Slipping backwards again, 3 bottles of wine multiple nights of the weeks. I’m going to check out the links from PP. I don’t think I can ever be completely sober, but at least be in control. If I go out and socialise I just don’t know when to stop and I end up embarrassing myself. So I don’t go out and then I feel miserable and stay at home and drink. 🤷🏻‍♀️. No alcohol since last Thursday so I remain positive.

The three alcoholics I know best lived / are alive well into their late 70's. Bar a fair bit of falling down the stairs and almost kiling themselves that way they seem to be thriving. I do struggle with are they actually alcoholics but I have a warped view of that. Realistically drinking a litre plus of Vodka every week for decades is an alcoholic? I'm not sure. They drink every single day. Without fail.